Advice to a newbie writer #amwriting #writing

Hello beautiful people

So it looks like I can pop here once every month - can we please go for that? If I have more worthy content, I will definitely post.

But yeah - a few days ago on a Goodreads group I'm in, someone asked what advice we'd give a newbie author. I wrote a few lines...and then this issue kept working at me throughout the week and it wouldn't let up, so I thought why not put this together in a post and put it out here. I hope some, if not all, of it can be of some help to a writer out there. Maybe a newbie will find it useful; maybe an established author can find a nugget of truth somewhere in there... Either way, here goes!

How to write about Africa...when you've never been there!

Hey peeps!

It was my turn today to post at The Pop Culture Divas, the group blog I belong to with a few other (awesome!) writers. I've been remiss in posting on my set day lately, so I apologize there...and put across a new post.

As ye all must know, I manage the Ubuntu line at Decadent Publishing. Geared towards African romance, with locations in Africa and characters hailing from or living in Africa and its societies, the line aims at giving reads that sweep you into a whole new world that is simply a continent or an ocean away.

But most authors think you need to be a native of Africa to write for Ubuntu, and the question I am often asked is this:

When you're a writer, you WRITE! Full stop!

Hey beautiful people!

Didn't get to post my usual progress Friday report yesterday because I was on the final lap of finishing Transient Hearts. Finished Chapter 9 on Thursday, and I was just one chapter short of the end. No matter that this chapter would surely clock in at 5K+, I knew I had to finish it yesterday. I couldn't take the risk of stopping halfway and pushing this into next week, where I knew I would lose my drive if I didn't go insane from not writing during the weekend. And no, I cannot write in weekends because a) it's family time, and b) that's when I allow myself a break too.

So there I was staring at the last 4-5 scenes that made up the outline of the last chapter. Beside a note here and there that H does this and h does that while H speaks with cousin and h gets a call from home, I didn't have more prompts to write this one. Which is why it was daunting, and why I found myself for the past few days mulling over this chapter and how it was supposed to take place based on those notes I had penned and the synopsis I had sent in with my proposal.

There's something strangely weird about figuring out everything that's to happen in your story, even down to the last detail. I'm a complusive plotter - I plan and plan and plan, yet when I write, the story will almost always 'turn' on me and something I hadn't expected happens or gets said.

Here I was yesterday morning, with that chapter set in my mind, yet at the same time I had no clue what I was doing. I simply sat down and started writing, and lo and behold, I got that chapter done... to the point where I even wrote "The End" on the last line of that ms.

I did mention this in my "I wrote 10K in a week" post last Friday, but I'll say it again here. All it takes is you sitting down and starting to write. That's the first step; that's the only step. You're a writer so your job is to simply sit down and start writing.

After seeing what I've been able to do these past two weeks, I no longer believe in writer's block and all those things we tell ourselves is blocking us. Here's what I mean:

I've gone weeks when the most I wrote was 1K, 2K at best. I kept telling myself I couldn't do any better, that the story wasn't flowing, that I'd lost my way with the characters, that I needed to think it all through again.

Bollocks!

In the past 2 weeks, I've written over 25K on this story.
10,061 words last week;
16,886 words this week.

In the middle of all this, I was battling a cold with a super-runny nose, a sore throat, an ear infection, and consequently pain in my jaw and sinuses. The weather was a total bitch - if I managed to see 4 hours of sunlight this week, I'll count myself lucky. My husband was working on another job site that had him out of the house for 14+hours a day, leaving me to deal with the kid/s single-handedly without a hand to help with homework, fight breaking, dinner preps, and getting everyone ready in the morning.

I realized that I'm a writer, and a writer writes. Full stop. Yes, the deadline on my head contributed to that, but seriously? If we say we are writers, then our job is to write. Writing is not a hobby. When you have a job out there in the corporate world in an office or on site or wherever, what do you do every single work day? You buck up, get on with it, and head to work, where you work. What's any different when you're a writer (except that you don't have to get out of your PJs)???

The answer is Nothing!

If you are a writer, it's your job to write, and you better do it every single day whether you feel like it or not! The first step - the only step - you have to take is to start writing!

And just like an accountant brushes up on tax laws when tax season creeps up, or when a lawyer reads his case file notes over and over before stepping into a courtroom, as a writer it's your job to make sure you know what you are doing. This means knowing what story you are writing, what your characters are like - how they think, behave, react, where they are starting and where they should end, and most importantly, how they get there. You don't have to become an anal plotter like I am, but it would certainly help you to know what the heck you're doing with a story instead of simply having an idea of boy-meets-girl; let's see where they take me. If you're writing as a hobby, then you can afford to do that. Not if you consider yourself first and foremost a writer! Otherwise, you'd thus start in London and then find yourself in Paris with no clue how you got there, and have to backtrack to find that way. But instead of landing back in London, you find you're now in Cornwall, where the story should've taken place all along. Or, wait - is that Yorkshire? If you'd known your journey, thought it through even a little, you could've ended up in Yorkshire directly without the need to visit all these places and scrape all those trips from the final journey.

I'm no different a writer than you are, peeps. I'm a wife, a mother, a whiner, a procrastinator, a TV-show junkie, and there's nothing I love more than a day of doing nothing.

But I know I also chose to become a writer, and now it's no longer merely a choice but a responsibility I took with myself, with my publishers, my editors, and more importantly, with my readers. I cannot let any one of these people down... just like you too cannot.

It doesn't matter what you have to do to start writing. Polish your craft, learn the art of writing, read like a fiend, plot out every single detail, know your H/h better than you know your spouse...

Just write! That's the secret!

That's how I finished Transient Hearts, how I conquered my doubt demons and came up with an ms that sits at 61,186 words on the 1st draft. Just by writing!

You too can do it!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 1000 Things You Don't Know About Women (Part 2)

Hey peeps!

I kicked off this series of posts last week. Want to hear about real women, and what they think of men, dating, men+dating, and romance in Real life? Look no further!

Originally from Esquire.com, here's the next 50 on this list!

Enjoy!

*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.

No. 552: Quote movies only when absolutely necessary. We like your own words better than those of that old guy on the bridge in Monty Python's The Holy Grail.—Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 409: We love a chase. Not calling all the time gives us a chance to try new things to get your attention.—Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 337: Don't assume that your favorite beer is our favorite beer, too. You're not the only brew connoisseurs. —Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 419: We would also love to skip Sunday brunch with eighty-five family members in favor of sitting on the couch in our sweats watching reruns of The A-Team. We just have a better game face.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 380: You aren't the only gender that can appreciate a big booty. —Felicity Slater, 22, Cambridge, Massachusetts

No. 446: Black coffee is sexy. Bringing black coffee to us in bed is sexy, too. —Kady Ruth Ashcraft, 19, College Park, MD

No. 304: Yes, we moisturize and walk around the house naked with rubber gloves on when you're not around. —Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 780: If you plan a date a week in advance, we'll spend the next seven days planning our outfit. Starting from the second you hang up the phone.—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 558: Listen to your gut feelings when determining if we're into you or not. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 521: If we are wearing white pants or shorts, we are looking to hook up. It's like code.—Mallory Farmer, 23, Boston

No. 231: Where do we put on perfume? Where we wish to be kissed.—Adriana Ball, 24, Miami

No. 794: One-armed hugs means we're friends. Two-armed hugs show you care. Squeezing the hell out of us says you love us. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 328: Those little nonsensical arguments, for us, are fun. They give us a chance to see how you deal with things. —Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 469: Among other tips: when buying clothes for us, grab a similar item from our drawer and match the size. Don't choose an XL because it's the first thing you found. —Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 803: We love it when you go out and have fun with your guy friends, but stories involving not remembering your night tend to be boring. —Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 861: Sometimes wingmen can do more harm than good, so be brave: do it alone. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 713: Glasses are to women what lingerie is to men. That's right: Bookish is that sexy. —Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 355: Everything sounds better when whispered close to our ear.—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 256: We'll judge your beer: opting for something better than Bud Light shows us you care about the finer things in life. —Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 180: We'll never understand why you slap each other's butts when you're playing sports. And that's okay. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 95: The way we feel about your kisses on the back of our necks: Think ice cream in August.—Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 955: We always want dessert. We always want you to order dessert. What we never want is for you to ask us if we want dessert. It's redundant. —Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 877: Replacing the roll of toilet paper counts as one of those "little things" that we love. —Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 480: To women, shoes matter. If we see you in Tevas outside of a forest excursion, we'll do what we do whenever we see bad footwear: run the other way.—Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 614: No matter how much we love you we will never care what level you've gotten to in Call of Duty.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 292: Sometimes we just wear nice clothes and makeup for no other reason than to look good.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 404: Under no circumstance, besides enlistment in the Army, will we find cargo pants an acceptable choice. —Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 368: Don't be surprised that we have condoms in our top dresser drawer. Be happy.—Katharine Smith, 27, Brooklyn

No. 200: "Chuck Norris would do it" is not an excuse for bad behavior.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 498: Though it might sound like a compliment in your head, never say, "It's cool that you can eat so much." —Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 663: If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 687: Sometimes we rely on your mother to say what we've been thinking. (Like: "You look like a slug in that shirt.") —Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 755: Though it may be cool that you saved all that time and money by going to Supercuts, we may not touch you for two weeks.—Lisa Gartner, 22, Washington, D.C.

No. 720: Always assume that what we contain in our purses is very necessary. When you need insect repellent, a Band-Aid, safety pins, or a moist towelette, you'll be grateful.—Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 832: We secretly wish that we could rock out in our eighties hair-band t-shirt and ripped jeans sometimes too. We just don't try to revive the trend at the neighborhood barbeque.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 401: We love it when you take us out to dinner. We'll love it even more if we don't have to watch you scrutinize the bill for a half-hour.—Eve Gleichman, 21, Brooklyn

No. 890: We prefer that you never use the word "bang" when referring to sex. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 980: We appreciate when you can admit you're wrong, but we also don't want you to say sorry too much. —Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 419: Stop worrying about why we take so long in the bathroom. Think of it as uninterrupted free time to watch Sports Center (again).—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 791: We like it when we impress you, whether it's the fact that we own and know the names of most tools, we can drive a stick better than you can, or that we aren't totally freaked out by bugs.—Carly Hansen, 22, Santa Barbara, California

No. 285: Most of us would rather watch Entourage than Sex and the City. — Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 198: We like safe drivers. High-speed chases only impress us when they involve Vin Diesel. — Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 168: We remember every detail about a relationship. Every. One. — Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 996: When we go into a comic-book store, it's entirely likely that we're there because we actually like comics, and not because we were dragged there by a boyfriend. — Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 937: We love the smell of your deodorant so much that some of us wear it. — Christina Raine, 20, Richmond, California

No. 370: After getting through a torturous line at a baseball game, we love it when we come back to find you waiting with our food. It's those little ideas you come up with completely on your own that score points. —Amanda Rawson, 22, Worcester, Massachusetts

No. 907: Your nipples make no sense to us. —Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 857: We like it when you take your fashion advice, but not your fidelity advice, from Don Draper. — Eve Gleichman, 21, New York

No. 772: Men don't realize that women notice everything. Including when you've worn the same underwear two days in a row. — Kellie Chung, 23, Boston

No. 847: Getting riled up at a restaurant turns us off. — Sharada Tolton, 21, Philadelphia


*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 1000 Things You Don't Know About Women (Part 1)

Hey beautiful people!

A quick one today, because I'm hoping my Internet will cooperate. Yes, it is still acting up, no thanks to the torrential rains we've been having this week.

So, there's actually a thousand items on this list, and of course, cannot post them all right here, right now. What I'm doing is breaking the list into parts, that I'll post up every Thursday. 50 pieces every week - how does that sound?

Of course, you can bypass me and go read the full list on the Esquire.com site already. :) But I hope you'll be back each week to check out the list as it goes up here.

Without further blabbing, here we go!

*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.

No. 185: "Business casual": Easy for you, but bewildering for us.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 218: What makes our skin crawl: cell phone holsters, crocs (really?), and when you leave your stupid bluetooth earpiece in 24/7. —Kelly Greene, 35, San Diego

No. 252: We know it's high maintenance, but, for the love of God, don't sleep on the decorative pillows.—Name Withheld, Portland, Oregon

No. 279: We love hearing about your family. Even when it's boring, it's good to know you think about them.—Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 989: We appreciate when you keep your condoms within close reach from the bed so we don't spend ten minutes waiting naked while you search the other end of the apartment. —Sarah Knowles, 29, Brooklyn

No. 944: We kind of wish we could chest-bump, too.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 964: Sometimes we want to be treated like a princess. Sometimes, we want to be treated like a sex object. It's up to you to figure out which of these we want to be at any given moment, because we certainly aren't going to tell you. —Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago

No. 896: Not all of us envy the whole peeing-while-standing thing. Seems messy.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 850: If you meet us at a bar, please don't say, "I'd like to see you without your glasses." We could go blind, you know. —Amanda Bullock, 26, Detroit

No. 824: Be careful: singing to us can be totally cute. But only if you can actually sing.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 798: When we say "He was so great in the delivery room!" we are actually just happy that you didn't faint, gag or run screaming out the door.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 726: We will be jealous of any picture of you and another girl on Facebook. It doesn't matter who she is.—Mallory Farmer, 23, Boston

No. 628: We think saying "ladies" at the end of any statement or question makes it kind of creepy. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 582: If we make it through an entire first date without seeing what color your iPhone case is, well, we just might fall in love.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 340: If that piece of clothing does indeed make us look fat, simply say, "It's nice, but you don't look comfortable in it." Most of the time, it's true.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 361: You cleaning your apartment is somehow incredibly sexy. Weird but true.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 313: It's cute when you don't quite know how to dress, so long as your not knowing doesn't involve jean shorts or a fanny pack. We can only handle so much eyestrain.—Cassie Rodenberg, 22, Charleston, South Carolina

No. 155: It doesn't matter what your chosen profession is, as long as you love what you do and do it with passion, and it's legal and it doesn't involve being in a production of the Lord of the Dance.—Beth Malonoski, 34, Norristown, Pennsylvania

No. 396: We like it when you lend your favorite books to us. For several reasons.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 460: You'll lose points every time you use the word "pussy."—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 505: When we ask you how we look, you lose points every time you answer with "fine."—Dani Ruiz, 21, Encinitas, California

No. 563: Some of us wouldn't mind if you bought us a good lap dance every once in a while. Just saying.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 838: It's not that we like the flowers themselves, it's that the flowers mean you're thinking about us. And we love that. —Sherri Pitts, 43, Chino Hills, California

No. 763: When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 870: We do want romance, but we don't want you to do these things because we intstruct you to. We want you to come by them naturally. —Julianna Mendelsohn, 29, Chicago

No. 925: We love it when you're in the mood, but we don't love it when you grind up against us while we brush our teeth.—Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 972: We get to pick the baby's name. And it's not going to be your mother's maiden name. McCullen is a terrible name for a baby.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 790: Even the slightest idea of fashion can be very attractive. —Kourtney Cole, 22, Chino Hills, California

No. 748: We don't actually wear matching bras and panties all the time. Shocking, we know.—Nicole Lee, 31, San Francisco

No. 349: Hair starts growing in funny places when we turn fifty. Not much we can do about it. —Marie Mackler, 58, Takoma Park, Maryland

No. 973: The most important error most of you make when trying to figure us out is in thinking of us as mysterious, unknowable creatures who adhere to some cabalistic set of Girl Rules.—Anne Harding, 23, Wilmington, Delaware

No. 756: If you want your beer to be cold all the time, get a mini-fridge; don't let it take up too much room in our fridge. Unless you're chilling it for us. —Juliet Garlow, 20, Silver Spring, Maryland.

No. 535: We prefer an arm around us to holding hands pretty much any day. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 837: Shoes always fit. Hence our perpetually full closets. —Sydney Hayes, 19, San Diego

No. 265: The following posters on your wall are deal-breakers: Bob Marley playing soccer, Bob Marley exhaling, Bob Marley in green, yellow and/or red. Exemplars of the chill-bro variety are reserved, exclusively, for unwashed undergrads.—Eve Gleichman, 21, New York.

No. 125: It's okay for you to drink rosé. We know it's good.—Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 546: These days, with Facebook, chances are we know your favorite band well before our first drink with you. Something to keep in mind.—Robin Carol, 21, Eugene, Oregon

No. 673: Even we know this: The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.—Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose, California

No. 737: Surprise field trips are the best, even if it's "guy stuff." If we roll our eyes, it doesn't mean we don't love the effort. —Amy Keller, 27, Chicago

No. 699: We say we love scary movies so we can cuddle up to you. —Alessia Viscomi, 21, Newton, Massachusetts

No. 595: Just because a model wore super-skinny jeans with pointy leather shoes and a plaid blazer doesn't mean that the ensemble is appropriate date attire for you. —Kellie Chung, 23, Boston

No. 880: If you call the movies "the cinema," we will only laugh. And laugh.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

No. 816: Seventy-five percent of the sounds we make during sex are purely for you. That's how much we care. —Rose Farnsworth, 19, Nashville

No. 914: Even if we're cool with your telling us a girl is hot, remember who you're coming home to. —Kourtney Cole, 22, Chino Hills, California

No. 859: We still like being asked on a proper date. —Robin Carol, 21, Eugene

No. 821: Even if we look sad, don't tell us that we look depressed.—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 577: You should definitely buy us a drink. But know that it doesn't guarantee we'll stick around all night. —Aminata Dia, 22, San Jose California

No. 533: We agonize over text messages. For instance, a one-word response means you're not interested. Right?—Katie Knies, 22, North Salem, New York

No. 485: Though it might sound like it, Kegel exercises are not a military maneuver. —Marie Mackler, 58, Takoma Park, Maryland

No. 433: We think the clean-laundry smell of you in your undershirt is a thousand times more appealing than even the best cologne.—Dina Sanchez, 29, Brooklyn

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 14 So-Called Imperfections Women Obsess Over But Men Love

Hey peeps!

I'll admit I am puzzled half the time when my husband pays me a compliment. Why? Because his compliments come when I am least expecting them. For example, when I'm in sweats and the oldest T-shirt I own, without a hint of colour on my face. Or, when I'm wearing sneakers and not the peep-toe platform wedges that make me feel sexy as sin. And then I can be all dolled up to attend a wedding, and when he says I look 'nice', I can totally hear that he is saying that just to please me/he isn't any more affected than that by the look. And, he prefers me with glasses, not contacts.

So, based on that observation, it didn't come as a surprise to me when I stumbled upon this article. Yet, while we do know most men want a 'real' woman (yes, there are some out there not looking for the trophy wives, the Victoria's Secret Angels clones, the inflated airhead-y dolls), it never hurts to be reassured that what we sometimes see as down sides are actually pluses with our man.

I bet your heroine would love to know that too, and I'm sure your readers want to read about a woman 'just like them' who gets her HEA with the uber-handsome hero.

The article is taken from MSN Lifestyle, Love & Relationships section, and can be viewed in its original slideshow here. It's written by Meredith Turits.

***

14 So-Called Imperfections Women Obsess Over but Men Love

Step away from the mirror and stop agonizing over your alleged "imperfections." Why? Well, for one thing, you're gorgeous. And for another, the things you think are turn-offs are actually on guys' things-they-love-most-about-you list. Need proof? Read on!

by Meredith Turits

What Men Love: Your Lone Dimple

"My girlfriend has only one cheek dimple, which makes me love it even more."
—Philip, 24, New York City

What Men Love: Your Stretch Marks

"Stretch marks — especially on the hips … They're very personal and few men get to see them."
—Martin, 24, Boston

What Men Love: Your Gray Hair

"I find the strands of gray in my girlfriend's long, dark hair sexy. Silver and black are sexy. So is experience."
—Sean, 37, Brooklyn, N.Y.

What Men Love: Your Unique Nose

"Crooked noses, Roman noses … I like 'em. They give the face some character, and for some reason, I think they make a girl look smarter."
—Lucas, 34, Lexington, Ky.

What Men Love: Your Upper Arms

"I like girls who don't have muscular arms. I like squeezing them…it's fun to play with and makes them cuter."
—Steve, 24, New Brunswick, N.J.

What Men Love: Your Feminine Hips

"I've found that girls tend to be sensitive regarding fat on their hips even though I find it attractive and fun to feel and grab."
—Jon, 25, San Francisco

What Men Love: Your Curved Stomach

"While there's nothing wrong with a flat stomach, there's something beautifully feminine about that slight curve below the belly button."
—Ken, 33, New York City

What Men Love: Your Imperfect Eye

"When I was in college, I had a crush on a girl with an eye that had just a little bit of a drift. For some reason, it made her just that much hotter."

—Chris, 23, Baltimore

What Men Love: Your (Short) Height

"I love to spoon with short girls because they fit much better as the little spoon."
—Corbett, 27, Lawrence, Kans.

What Men Love: Your (Tall) Height

"I like tall girls. Long legs and perfect alignment!"
—Nelson, 31, New York City

What Men Love: Your Glasses

"I like it when a woman wears glasses. It tells me she's confident enough to know she's beautiful."
—Brian, 30, Sacramento, Calif.

What Men Love: Your Post-Baby Body

"The last girl I dated had a kid and disliked the fact that she had no hips, her boobs were 'ruined' from breast-feeding and that she had stretch marks. She had great hips and breasts, and the stretch marks were never an issue. A lot of women think they have 'imperfections' but I don't see them like that."
—Michael, 28, Kansas City, Mo.

What Men Love: Your Cellulite

"Cellulite. It's like rings on a tree stump or all those different hues you see when tipping a glass of really old red wine. I like it."
—Brian, 32, Brooklyn, N.Y.

What Men Love: Your Love Handles

"I'm normally not [explicitly] attracted to love handles, though the other day I saw a woman with them, and I had to leave so as not to get too lusty-eyed. If I think a woman is attractive or sexy, then she has no imperfections as far as I'm concerned."
—Zach, 27, Seattle

***

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 10 Commandments for Texting A Guy

Hey peeps!

I was browsing through the links' folder today, and found this one. It was rather relevant to me because one of the characters I'm writing right now is a cell-phone addict, and she's always texting, FB-in, Tweeting, from her smartphone.

So if this girl was out there in the real world, and she was texting guys, what would be the rules?

As I ponder how to possibly giver her a story further down the line, I figured most young women out there today at some point or the other would end up texting a guy. What to do? What not to do? Read on to find out!

The article is a slideshow from MSN Lifestyle, Love & Relationships section, and is written by John Ortved. You can find the original slideshow here.

*****

10 Commandments for Texting a Guy

Ever wonder if you're going wrong with your texts? These ten rules could help set your texting behavior straight, especially when it comes to dealing with dudes.

by John Ortved

1. Thou Shalt Not Drink and Text

You think it's better than a drunk dial, that you're being all coy and witty. We know better. Drunk texting doesn't put you at an advantage - it takes away your leverage.

 

2. Thou Shalt Not Play (Word) Games

We're not talking about wordplay, we're talking about pretending you didn't get the text or ignoring them, or letting people see them who you know should not; it's immature and just plain mean.

3. Thou Shalt Not Get Into It

Text is not the forum for conveying serious or nuanced information. Don't get into a debate about the relationship over text. Don't ask us to explain ourselves over text. Don't ask us where we think this thing is going over text. Bad idea. Be real. Have those conversations in person.

4. Thou Shalt Not Sext

 

The Internet is a big place. And it's going to be around for a long time. And it's full of perverts. There will be fallout. And potentially super-unpleasant days for your dad at work.

5. Thou Shalt Not Break Up Over Text

If you ever think that ending things over a text message is warranted, or acceptable, you should probably be spending less time with your phone and more with books, specifically Emily Post.

6. Thy Texts Shall Have A Point

"I am watching a show about Komodo dragons" is not useful information. It is a waste of precious binary code. And if the recipient doesn't have some kind of unlimited plan, a waste of money, too. Unless, however, he happens to be really into Komodo dragons.

7. Thou Shalt Not Leave Out Essential Details

"I'm on my way," is a very different text than "I'm on my way with my parents and my brother who loves ninjas." The latter prepares us, and allows us to down a few martinis, or escape. The former makes us really happy, and then destroys that happiness as we try to smile during your sibling's discussion of the bo staff versus the katana blade.

8. If Thy Texts Fall Out Of Rhythm, Thou Shall Not Expect Dancing

Everyone has a texting rhythm. If you're used to him replying within the hour, you can't freak out when he doesn't get back to you in 15 minutes. If you're both used to responses within 10 minutes, he can't whine if you don't respond in 5. If you're used to him replying right away, all the time, well, be prepared for some fights.

9. Thou Shalt Receive What Thou Dish Out

 

Texting is, in many ways, no different than conversation. If you're rude, you can't take exception to a guy being rude back. Same goes for you being flouncy, aggressive or vulgar.

10. Thou Shalt Observe Thy Surroundings

This only has so much to do with guys. If you're having a nice date, or chill conversation, maybe it's not the best time to text your friends. If you're in a movie, it can be distracting for other people in the theater. If you're driving, it's just plain dangerous.

Most, if not all of these, have to do with respect, which has to do with our attitudes and outlook, and not just toward communication technologies. There's no need to follow any of these 10 commandments to the letter, as long as you're following the golden rule (do unto others….).

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 44 Best Places To Meet Eligible Men...or Where To Find Your Next Hero

Hey peeps

How many of you know of couple/s who have met when one rear-ended the other's car, or they were were both involved in a car accident?

Not many, right?

But make your Hero/heroine meet this way in a romance, and you're writing up a cliche!

As romance authors, we are constantly prompted and prodded to make our main protagonists meet in unusual/original ways.

So where on earth do you find eligible men???

My single friends ask the same thing, and though us-married-for-ages-half-of-a-couple tell them "it'll happen when you least expect it," that's not exactly what those girls want to hear.

With both these issues in mind - for the romance writer and for the single gal - here's a link to an article that highlights 44 places you can meet eligible men today.

The article is from All Women Stalk and is written by Mercy.

Enjoy!

*****

44 Best Places To Meet Eligible Men

Places to Meet Eligible Men become more and more scarce these days. Heck, even eligible men as they are have become a rare species. And what do we single ladies do about this? Well, my guess is it can go 2 ways – either we sit and wait for the good men to sweep us off our feet or we simply take the first step toward our destiny and check out the best places to meet eligible men to see if our future boyfriends or husbands might be there? Well, if you are like me and you are choosing the second option, let’s get ready for some action and take a quick look at this fabulous list of 44 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men!



1. The bar

This may be one of the oldest ways to meet a man, but it still works. Free flowing beer makes it easier to approach your target! However, if ‘commitment’ is on your mind, then look elsewhere!

2. The market

Whether it’s the shopping mall or the supermarket these places are loaded up with good looking folks. Chances are you’ll find someone who lives in your neighbor and likes coffee the way you do. A bookstore is another place to meet someone with similar tastes – at least in literature!

3. Online

This is the latest method of meeting single men. There are several online dating sites where you can check out profiles and photographs. The best one I’ve heard of is PlentyofFish.com, because all the services there are free. But there are others like Match.com, Chemistry.com (Limited time offer – 7 Day Free Trial) or Perfectmatch.com that too seem to be pretty good, although you’ll have to spend some money on membership. Online dating became a relatively safe method as you can get to know your date before you go out with him.

4. Church

Church is a good place to meet men who share the same faith and moral grounding. If you’re a single mom, this may be a good place to find serious men who are looking for a life partner rather than a night out on the town.

5. The water cooler

If you can get past the gossip, the office is a place where romance can be sparked. Being in such close proximity with colleagues can lead to an office romance. Finding someone of the same intellectual level may be easier at the workplace than at the bar!

6. Newspapers

Check out the newspapers for announcements regarding neighborhood picnics, square dances, tours and special events. These are great places to meet new people, especially single men! Go ahead strike up a conversation. You might end up meeting your spouse.

7. College …

If you’re taking some classes at the local college this could be an opportunity to meet eligible men. There are seminars and short courses that you can participate in. Not only can you get an education but you can find that perfect someone perhaps sitting right next to you.


8. Friends

Get your friends to help if you’re serious about finding a man. Attend parties where there is a good mix of singles. Be friendly, outgoing and be seen! You can even throw a party yourself and tell friends to bring their friends along.

9. Gym

While you exercise your muscles you can exercise your heart as well. The gym is a great place to meet single men, specially the hot men! You’ll know in advance that they value their health and you know what to expect when thir expensive suit comes off, so that’s a good starting point!

10. Favorite diner or restaurant

Notice the guy who’s having dinner by himself at the far corner table? Well, what you waiting for? Get a waiter to introduce you or do it yourself. Either way, make a move.

11. Work

Either in your office or in the accounting on the 19th floor there must be that cute, nice, good-looking guy who makes your heart tick. Figure out where exactly he works, what’s his name, if he’s available, and let the flirting beging! Who knows, maybe the guy in the next cubicle is the one you were looking for all this time!

12. Vacation

I know they say that relationships that started on vacation never last, but that was way back in the 20th century! Now that air fares are getting lower and lower and Internet live video chats is the most common thing out there – why not to give a great man you met on a vacation a chance? Who knows, maybe in a couple of months you’ll decide you want to live together?

13. Parks

When I say parks I mean day time, safe places downtown, where people go to get some fresh air during lunch break, after work or on weekends. For your own safety, please don’t stay there after dark. But during the day, you’ll be surprised at how many young good looking men spend an hour or so sitting on a bench reading, working on their laptops or just watching other people. Just sit next to the one you like the most and if he is in the mood for conversation, you’ll know it!

14. Airplane

These days we spend a good couple of hours every month flying here and there. Next time you have a flight, look out for cute guys who might too be flying the same plane. And who knows, maybe your seat will be next to his!

15. House Party

Any party is always a fun way to meet people but with a house party, everything is so much more in your control and it’s comforting to know that common friends are involved. So throw a fun little party, invite all your friends and tell them to invite their friends (preferably single). You never know who you may end up meeting and if nothing, at least they’ll be grateful for the awesome party!

16. Acting workshop

If you’re not shy and love an audience, why not join an acting class. You will meet tons of taleneted, fun, outgoing men and you’ll have a ready excuse to flirt with them. What? You’re only playing your part! Besides, you’ll figure out quite early on who you do and do not share chemistry with and the rest will be history.

17. Art exhibits

They say that without art, the earth is just “eh”. Sorry I read that somewhere today and had to share. Back to the point, art exhibits are one of the best places to meet eligible men. Whether you are an art lover or not, an exhibit will give you an opportunity and an excuse to chat with different men, get to know them, perhaps flirt a little and if the chemistry is just right, maybe you could take the party elsewhere.

18. Book Club

If you love reading, one of the best ways to meet like-minded men is through a book club. Think about it. You read, you share opinions, you find similarities, you hit it off, you fall in love…Okay, I’ll stop.

19. Blood drive

This one is definitely not for the squeamish! If you watch The Office, you’ve probably seen the episode where Michael runs into this pretty woman while donating blood and hits it off instantly. That could be you. Strike up a conversation with someone who’s next to you or if you see a cutie by the snack table, ask him what he recommends for strength building.Who knows, you may end up deciding that dinner is the best option. And even if you don’t end up meeting someone, you’ve at least helped save a life.

20. Rock Climbing Center

If you’re adventurous, a rock climbing center is one of the best places to meet eligible men. According to a study, nearly two-thirds of wall climbers are male so imagine your chances of meeting someone wonderful and exciting. Plus rock climbing is fun with lots of scope for “accidental” touching and flirting and such. Ah I’m just a pervert sometimes.

21. Wine/Scotch Tasting

If a bar is much too loud and chaotic for your liking, how about going to a wine/scotch tasting event? It’s a lot calmer, quieter and not to mention, sober. Whether you actually know your wines or feign innocence, you are bound to meet an eligible bachelor or two. Besides, it gives you plenty of time to “work the room” and figure out your options.

22. Running Club

A friend actually met his current girlfriend through a running club so if you’re into outdoor sports, find a local running club, put on your shoes and get out there! Men in running shorts are so cute and if nothing else, at least you’ll get back in shape.

23. Community Service

Giving back to the community is always a great thing and who knows, your karma might actually earn you an eligible man. There are plenty of places where you can volunteer so take your pick and give away. At the end of the day, you know you’re going to meet someone who cares…

24. Weddings

I know that the common belief is that all single men at weddings just want to get laid but I beg to differ. Some of them are perfectly charming, pre-bride approved gentlemen that are out there looking for eligible women. You just need to give them a chance. Just don’t get too drunk and you’ll see what I mean.

25. Dance class

I know you’re probably wondering why dance classes are on the list of best places to meet eligible men since they usually have more women than men but it’s definitely worth a shot considering you will be forced to physically interact with potential hotties. If you feel the chemistry and if the small talk is intriguing enough, hang back, get to know him better and see where it goes…

26. Laundromats

The only thing that makes the idea of laundry bearable is the possibility of meeting a cute guy and if you run into someone who fits that description, do not hesitate tochat him up. What could it hurt right?

27. Jury Duty

It may sound boring but think about this. Other bored, possibly wonderful eligible men could be out there and they have nothing to do but chat you up. Sound good? So yep, don’t ignore your civic duty the next time you receive a summons in the mail.

28. Ski Resorts

You might probably need to wait till winter for this one, but hey, it’s great to have a B plan if you will be looking for a hot date to take to all the Holiday parties. Knowing how to ski is not necessary, you can try and learn, but if you just go to the resort to relax or have fun with your friends, you’ll be surprised at the dozens of sporty good looking eligible men having a hot drink in the bar after an exhausting day of skiing. And is there a more romantic place to find the man of your dreams than under the stars in the middle of snow covered mountains?

29. Reality Shows

If all else fails and I mean ALL else, reality shows like the Bachelorette seem like a fun way to meet a lot of men who want to make you the center of their attention. I mean, who wouldn’t want that! Oh wait, this is about eligible men… I need to cut down on T.V.

30. In the Navy

One of the best places to meet eligible men is, unquestionably, the Navy. Even if you don’t want to make the commitment of joining the Navy, you can make yourself available during shore leaves and Fleet Weeks. These men are brave, handsome, and generally dying to get away from all those boys!

31. Walking the dog

Most guys love dogs, so when you’re walking your pooch, you’ve got a great opportunity to meet one. Big dogs like Labradors and Retrievers are always a great draw, but if you have a little dog, don’t worry. Many men have a secret love for the little dogs as well. If you’re friendly and make eye contact (and if your dog doesn’t try to mark his territory in an awkward spot), you should be golden!

32. The hardware store

You’ll be surprised at what a great place it is to meet men. First of all, almost all the clients are men and so are the sales assistants. And being a woman, you’ll find it natural to ask for help that cute stranger who will gladly explain you the difference between this and that tool. Who knows, he might ask you out for coffee to continue the conversation…

33. The tech store

Tech stores are men magnets. I do not know a single guy who would pass on the opportunity to come and take a look at some new weird plasma TV or sound system or whatever it is he’s read about on his favorite tech blog. So take it from me, most customers in tech stores are also men, and many of them are very good looking. Now, you’ll surely see a couple of married guys (of course), but you’ll be surprised at the number of single guys browsing these stores. Give this one of the best places to meet eligible men a try and you won’t regret it.

34. Museums

Now, I know this might sound a little cliche, but what’s the best way to meet someone, when you are visiting a new city than going to a local museum. There are hundreds of single men who, just like you, want to check the museums off their lists when they travel to a new city and believe me, they’ll be happy to have a conversation with a cute girl, especially when there are so many conversational pieces around. Museums are also fantastic for meeting artsy guys and foreigners, so if you are feeling adventures, this is the place to meet eligible men.

35. The bowling alley

I know you probably think, how old the guys in the bowling alley would be? 60? 70? But don’t be so quick, I have personally seen a couple of times guys coming in in groups for a little game. And may I say, some of them were very cute.

36. The golf course

Ditto on this one, although golfing can be quite a bit more boring than bowling. The difference is, the course isn’t so loud and crowded either, and you can really get a chance to talk to a guy. If he looks really into the game, let it pass, but if he’s with some friends and they’re chatting together as much as golfing, go for it!

37. Casinos

Although loud, casinos can also be great places to meet eligible men. You don’t want to talk to a guy when he’s right in the middle of a heavy game or anything, but if you’re both playing Blackjack, if you’re sitting at the slots, or one of you is throwing dice, then you can start a conversation. It’ll be casual, but that can lead to other things.

38. Concerts

Concerts are a fantastic place to meet eligible men, especially if it’s your favorite performer. You will instantly have an interest in common and when you are a fan of something it’s so easy to bond with the other person. The connection sparks instantly, so try this place to meet eligible men and see who you meet!

39. At a club

Now, many guys just go to clubs to hook up. A lot of them aren’t necessarily looking for someone to date. However, there are exceptions to every rule, and that is the only reason nightclubs made it onto the list. You have to have an eagle eye, but if you spot this guy, you’ll be glad. He likes to dance and hang out and have a good time, but he isn’t the boy who’s only into ranking up as many one night stands as possible.

40. The beach

The beach is not just a great place to meet eligible men, it’s a fantastic place! See, guys who go to the beach generally fall into three different categories. They go alone, and depending on what you see them doing, that probably means they’re single (so if you can think up an approach, do it!). They go with a group of guy friends, and again, you can typically tell by their behavior if they’re single. Or, they go with their wives or girlfriends. If you see a guy spreading lotion on someone else, just play it safe and scratch him off your list!

41. At a cigar bar

I don’t know many girls who like cigar bars, but I know plenty of guys who do! Sure, you’re going to be entering forbidden territory, but it might well be worth it. These places have tons of eligible guys, and the kicker is, most of them think any girl in a cigar bar is automatically cool!

42. A sushi bar

Surprisingly, more and more men start loving sushi. And nowadays, when you pop into a nice such restaurant you see more men and women. Some of them are having business dinner, others are meeting with a friend, but there are those, sitting at the bar, having dinner after work on their own – and those are you could easily sit next to and perhaps strike a conversation if you feel like it. Or he’ll be the first to talk, guys are usually like that – they catch your eye and they just start talking to you.

43. The bookstore

Meeting men at a bookstore is just tops, especially if you’re a big reader. You know he shares your interests, you automatically have plenty to talk about, and since most bookstores provide little chairs and comfy couches, you already have a cozy spot to get to know one another. What could be better?

44. A networking event

A networking event can be dull as hell or it can be fun and interesting. To make sure it’s the latter, take a friend of yours from work with you, make sure your hair’s done and you are dressed nicely and you’ll definitely turn a few heads. A lovely place to meet eligible men, if you ask me!

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: Things A Man Should Never Do In The Company Of A Woman

Hey beautiful people!

Last year, in and around November (if you want to check the archives), I posted a series of links and articles that pertained to etiquette for today's gentlemen. There were the etiquette rules of dating, dinner dates, general how-to-behave tips, and from the feedback I've been getting, it appears a lot of you enjoyed those posts. Women like them so they can 'groom' their men; writers like them so they can write more wholesome heroes; men (yes, I swear I've had a few male friends contact me over these!) like them for the tips and pointers they can apply in real life, and to, (sadly) be a hit with women...

In light of this popularity factor, I went looking for more articles in the same vein. Once again, Esquire.com has proved to be a treasure trove of information.

The link I feature today is self-explicit. Written by the editors of Marie Claire, every tidbit on here is spot-on!

Read on for an eye-opener! You can access the original article here.

*****

Things a Man Should Never Do in the Company of a Woman

The editors of Marie Claire advise against bad tips, blow-drying, and cleaning your gun. We'll take their word for it.

By The Editors of Marie Claire

Reveal how much your car cost.

Clean your gun.

Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed).

Refer to your mother as your best friend.

Rap.

Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter.

Question our footwear.

Blow-dry your hair.

Tip less than 20 percent.

Celebrity impressions.

Impressions of us.

Forget to carry cash.

Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction.

Wii.

Boot and rally.

Scream -- at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Eli Manning. Because, no matter how much Eli deserves it (picked off again!), when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for.

Talk about former exploits. Ever.

Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man.

Stick anything in our butts, unless previous discussions have occurred.

Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 27 Things Men Don't Know About Women

Hey beautiful people!

I have a fun one for you today. :) There's nothing I like more than enlightening the male brains in my house about what women want/think/believe... and I'm sure you must get a kick out of it too. *grin*

Now let's take it to another level - how about enlightening your reluctant and/or caveman hero about 'real' women? And need a peek into the female mind to better sketch that heroine of yours?

Look no further! Today's Link Thursday features an article originally from Esquire.com which is a bible of behaviour and etiquette at most, and a trove of treasure articles on men & women. So, Esquire.com actually got female celebrities to dish about what things about women they wish men knew.

Can you say lots of goodies packed in this article? I sure can!

I accessed the article here, on the MSN Lifestyle, Your Life, website. You can check the original slideshow with gorgeous pics of the celebrities dishing the advice. :)

Enjoy!

*****

27 Things Men Don't Know About Women

Female celebrities offer relationship secrets and dating advice for the opposite gender. Now maybe they'll learn something.

Jane Krakowski
"When you break up with us, that means it's over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times."

Courteney Cox "We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it."

Cheryl Hines
"Everything sounds better when your mouth is next to our ear and you whisper it. Everything from 'Sorry about the smell' to 'I'm going to love you forever, m'lady.'"

Poppy Montgomery
"When considering whether or not to ask out the girl you're afraid to talk to, keep this in mind: No matter who you are or what you look like, it's always flattering when you hit on us. Always."

Leslie Mann
"We can tell how good you'll be in bed by how good you are on the dance floor."

Alyssa Milano
"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender-wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy."

Connie Britton
"We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don't want is for you to ask us if we want dessert."

Carmen Electra
"When we ask which outfit we should wear, humor us with an answer — just pick one already! — but expect us to go with the one you didn't choose."

Sanaa Lathan
"Men who wear sunglasses at night don't look cool, rich, or sexy. They look as if they should be holding a cane or following a dog."

Christina Applegate
"Call us back right away. That 'three day' crap does not apply. We're getting older and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one."

Tea Leoni
"Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you."

Julia Louis-Dreyfus
"Of course we know how to work the TiVo. We're not stupid."

Maria Bello
"We're afraid of commitment, too. You may think we spend our time scheming ways to trap you into marriage, but many of us are quite happy being independent and autonomous. Besides, we're not in any rush to quit lusting after young Calvin Klein models."

Jennifer Love Hewitt
"PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It's a great excuse."

Emily Deschanel
"Even if we've only been dating a few weeks, don't introduce us as your 'lady friend' — or that's exactly what we'll become."

Ashley Jensen "When we fall asleep before the end of the film, it's because we are happy and relaxed, not because we're bored of Live Free or Die Hard."

Padma Lakshmi
"Some of us prefer boxing to yoga. None of us actually likes Pilates."

Jenna Fischer
"If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble."

Kerry Washington
"How sexy you look unbathed at a campsite first thing in the morning is as important as how sexy you look in a tux."

Maria Bartiromo
"Otis Redding said it perfectly: Try a little tenderness."

Melora Hardin
"We'd much rather try on bras than see them on surgically altered, airbrushed supermodels, but we know how much you enjoy the Victoria's Secret catalog. Consider it a gift."

Andrea Savage
"We hate baby showers as much as you assume a sane person would."

Julie Delpy
"We need you to be reachable at all times, but we don't always pick up our phones when you call. We realize this seems like a double standard; if you'd like to discuss it further, just leave a message."

Samantha Mathis
"Asking for directions is a really big turn-on."

Saira Mohan
"Pick the weirdest part of our body and compliment it. The left elbow, the forehead, shins. Just be creative."

Kyra Sedgwick
"Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends."

Sela Ward
"Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness."

*****

My personal favourite is Sela Ward's! Which one's yours? :)

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: The 15 Defining Moments in a Relationship

Hey beautiful people!

Link Thursday and its (somewhat relevant to you!) article is back. I dunno about you, but Thursday is one of my favourite days, because I get to share with you all some of what my trips around cyberspace look like. And I get to share with you information that I think might be helpful to you as a writer (come on, we all know we get ideas, yes, but then we gotta research and back these ideas, don't we?); or as a woman out there in the world, whether you're single, married, in a relationship, a mother, a friend... in short, a heroine in your own right. :)

So today's link is something that has intrigued me ever since I saw the post, and I thought it was highly relevant both to our own lives, and to those of the characters we pen in our romance novels.

Are there defining moments in a relationship? You know, when things suddenly look 'serious' and going toward a more definite direction...

Here's a list of 15 defining moments in every relationship. You might not have had all of them yet; you might not experience each and every one; you might have your own version of what makes a defining moment in your relationship.

I grabbed this from MSN Lifestyle, Your Life segment, a few days ago. You can access the link and check out the slideshow in its original form. The article is by Amy Spencer.

*****

The 15 Defining Moments In A Relationship

By Amy Spencer

Your first kiss isn’t the only milestone you can enjoy. Take and step back to examine just where you are on the road of your relationship and take pleasure in all your firsts-- from fighting to murmuring those three little words.
First times come in many forms. But which of these great moments should you relish and remember and which ones are just you being mushy? In relationship world, we say they all count. Here’s our top 15.

1. First Talk

Your first talk till dawn
Astronomers say it takes just over eight minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth. And that's about how long it feels you've been talking, though it's been over eight hours. "My God, look at the time!" you both say, cursing the violet sky. But it's a good sign if all you want to do is talk for a few million more trips into space and back.

2. First Kiss

The first kiss
We know: Duh. But how could we not mention that Big Red moment? It's like no other feeling in the world.

3. Girlfriend?

When he introduces you as "my girlfriend"
It's so utterly high school that the title still straightens your spine. But how can it not? You're now officially pinned, picked, branded, wanted.

4. First Morning

The first morning after
Some guys you wouldn't share a beet salad with, let alone a whole night. "You want coffee?" he asks the next morning, tossing the duvet your way as he pads to the kitchen. Please, he's saying by the ease of his actions, stay.

5. I Love You?

Finding the nerve to say "I love you"
Jessica Simpson seems content to do so through national magazines. For the rest of us, though, the moment is fraught with anxiety: What if he stares at us blankly? What if we're saying it too soon, and…Sorry, what was that? You do? Oh, thank God.

6. First We

The first time you write "we" in an e-mail to your friends
And they don't write back, "We? Who the hell is we?"

7. First Fight

The first time you fight and make up
Let's be honest: If you never fight, someone's not speaking up. Consider it like an oil change: a healthy way to clean out gunk so you can get back to the joy ride.

8. First Trip

That first trip together
What better way to gauge how you'll fare on your journey through life than to see how you survive hours of snaking security lines? It's also when you establish who'll get the window seat for the duration of your relationship--so act fast, woman.

9. First Grocery Shop

The first time you grocery shop together
You know how his lips taste after a workout and a cold beer. You know to give him five minutes alone when he shakes his head in a "work sucked" kind of way. But to watch this man slip a family-size Fruit Loops into the basket with a dopey grin on his face--that's when you realize you still have worlds to learn about each other.

10. First Control

The first time he lets you control his car/remote/iPod
Seriously, you don’t know how hard it is for him to hand over something he worships so much. Not as much as he worships you, of course, but close. Scary close

11. The Future?

The moment you see a future with him
Some women could imagine having a future with the guys in a J. Crew catalog. But with the man you love, the future you see is sure-footed and sane: A foot rub after a long day. A laundry basket and a loving squeeze (though if he's folding, you really are dreaming).

12. First Notice

When you notice you are no longer primping for him
Whoops! You're sitting on the couch in your time-of-the-month undies. Yet he's looking at you more lovingly than when you're all gussied up. Clearly, my dear, this is the real deal.

13. First Doctor Visit

Going to the doctor together for the first time
Need reason number 652 to stay fit? Have a long sit in a waiting room for someone you love. You'll vow never to have to be there for something worse, because now you need to be healthy for each other.

14. Caring Together

When you care for something together
It doesn't really matter if it's a tomato garden or Rufus the drooling French bulldog. But when you're both responsible for taking care of another living thing, your pairing becomes much more important. Be proud as you watch it grow.

15. Your Commitment

When you commit--we're talking long-term commit--to each other
On the one hand, it feels a bit like picking partners in the schoolyard. ("You want me on your team? Really? Me too!") On the other, it's a watershed moment, when you find yourself so profoundly lucky that someone you adore so much feels exactly the same way about you.

*****

I add my own Defining Moment here - Silence. The first time there's utter silence between you, & you don't feel the need to rush and fill it with words.
When you're alone for the first time (not on a date, say at your place or his), and what should've been an awkward moment is suddenly the most natural thing in the world, when the quiet is just another way you two are communicating. :)

What constitutes a defining relationship moment for you? Drop me a comment and let me know.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 10 Presents Guys Really Want (No Shopping Required!)

Hey beautiful people!

Quick dash on here to share this list with you! I laughed out loud when I read it, and couldn't help but think this would apply to the men in your lives - and even the fictional ones in your books (especially if you write contemporary heroes).

So, it's the holiday season... and you're wracking your brains out what to gift your man... Look no further, because here comes a list of things that he wants from you, and that won't even cost you a penny! How's that for change (pun intended, lol!) :)

Enjoy!

The article is from Glamour on MSN Living, and can be accessed here with the original slideshow.

*****

#1
To never be forced to watch The Hills (or any reality-TV show) again

#2
Oral sex (that you actually enjoy giving)

#3
For you to make him nachos when his favorite team is playing—and then leave the house

#4
For you to stop referring to Justin Timberlake as your husband

#5
To try a Kama Sutra position of his choice

#6
To play his Xbox as much as he wants (without any mocking from you)

#7
For you to stop dropping hints about marriage, kids…the future

#8
A guys’ night out, no questions asked

#9
For you to never ask him if you look fat in that again

#10
You, wearing only a Santa hat

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: How To Be A Man...Out In The World

Hey beautiful people!

Third post about gentlemen's etiquette - and how this can benefit your hero, both in your writing and in real life.

But let's not delude ourselves - there's only so much you can do to nudge/poke/prod/alter the real man in your lives (believe me, I've tried. 40% of my efforts went to no avail!)

Now, your fictional hero... He's the perfect man, innit? Yes, he's lovable, strong, handsome, sexy, noble, a gentleman-- wait a sec! Does he know how to behave like a gentleman in everyday life? Even if not like a gentleman per se - does he know how to behave so he's, well, not an arse...?

In the past 2 weeks, I highlighted dinner etiquette and romantic date etiquette. But a man is a man not just when at a dinner table or on a romantic date - how then does he go about being this "Man out in the world" in his day to day life?

Read on for some pointers about this subject. How to be a man... out in the world or, How to behave in public: Social etiquette tips for men, is an article from Esquire.com written by Chris Jones and you can find it online here at their website.
Enjoy!

*****

How to Be a Man... Out in the World

A guide to public etiquette. In short, you should act swiftly and with purpose. Also, don't be an ass.

 

How to Arrive

In an Elevator

Women enter first. Look straight ahead. No phone calls. No talking to others unless spoken to. Even then, keep it brief. And we know you're in a rush, but don't crazily hit the close button as if you're about to piss your pants. That's annoying as hell.

Flying

Middle armrests belong to the middle seat.

Talking: minimal, but be courteous.

Two drinks: good for the nerves.

Three drinks: You'll forget the cattle in the row ahead.

Four-plus drinks: You might end up on YouTube.

Public Transit

Don't block the door. If you don't want to hold the pole, you probably already carry sanitizer. Use it.

Ladies sit.

Talking: never with strangers; quietly with acquaintances.

Walking

Be swift. No weaving. No giant umbrellas. No groups of more than two across. By all means, use your smartphone. Just don't expect people to move out of the way for you.

Waiting

For a Table

First, decide if it's worth it. Staying? Okay. Then relax. Have a drink. Remind your date how beautiful she is. Have another drink. Unless you're alone, PDA stays in your pocket. Feel free to politely ask the host how it's looking if you've been waiting longer than expected. But don't badger the host every 2.8 minutes. And if your date is the one doing the badgering ... you should find a new date, lest you feel like that host for life.

For a Woman Shopping

Find the men's bench. There is always a men's bench. Then smile and see In Line.

In Line

This is when you use your PDA, but for e-mail. Keep phone calls to a minimum.

In a Restaurant

How to Order

This (very likely) isn't your last meal on this earth, so don't order as if it were. Make a damn decision and make sure it includes a salad or an appetizer.

How to Split the Bill

With friends: evenly. Always.

On business: The inviter pays.

With parents or in-laws: Let them pay.

First date: Man pays.

Fifth date: Man pays, unless otherwise mutually agreed upon.

Can I Send My Order Back?

Is it clearly over or undercooked? Yes.

Did the waiter mishear? Yes.

You just don't like it: tough shit. See How to Order.

Your date doesn't like her dish: of course. That's horrible, we'll get you a new one right away.

Words That Should Never Be Used at the Dinner Table

Turgid, raw, sublime, Anne Hathaway.

In the Restroom

Always: Flush.

Sometimes: Use the middle urinal.

Never: Pee in the stall. That's the equivalent of showering in a bathing suit.

And for chrissakes, don't throw paper towels on the floor simply because you'd rather not touch the door handle.

At the Bar

How to Order a Drink

Get as close to the bar as possible in a position where you can make eye contact. Then wait patiently, card or cash in hand. No waving or shouting. And don't cut in front of anyone else.

How to Order a Drink for a Lady

Discreetly. Ask the bartender to put her next drink on your tab. When she receives it, politely wave. Then wait — the next move (if there is one) is hers to make.

How to Get a Buyback

Do: Buy a few rounds and tip well.

Don't: Ask for a buyback.

How to Deal with an Asshole at the Bar

Calmly. Ask him politely to keep it down. If he persists, not so calmly, but firmly. Never lose your temper. Unless punches fly.

In Public

Things a Man Should Not Do

Check Facebook.

Order a drink named after a sexual position.

Take a call from his mother.

Argue with a woman.

Clip his nails.

Online

How to Win an Internet Feud

There is a school of thought that fighting on the Internet is childish and foolish. That school of thought is populated mostly by sanctimonious pussies and old people.

It's true that you should never start an Internet feud, unless you're watching golf, say, and you need something else to do.

But if someone writes something about you online that would result in the turning over of tables were they to say it to your face, then you have every right to respond.

The Internet is our most real version of life, because it's the only place where people will write what they really think about you. That means you, too, should write what you really think about them.

The best tone to take is withering patronization; sometimes a gentle pat on the head hurts the most.

Next best is a reasoned, well-documented, possibly footnoted rebuttal. Last resort is some threat of mindless violence. Threats of mindless violence should be reserved for places where we used to gather: taverns, parks, hockey arenas, sewing circles.

Online, no. Online, words have retained their power. Verbs and nouns really do become sticks and stones. Use that power wisely. But by all means use it. Get all that bitterness, that entirely valid feeling that you were never quite good enough, get all of it out.

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee