Advice to a newbie writer #amwriting #writing

Hello beautiful people

So it looks like I can pop here once every month - can we please go for that? If I have more worthy content, I will definitely post.

But yeah - a few days ago on a Goodreads group I'm in, someone asked what advice we'd give a newbie author. I wrote a few lines...and then this issue kept working at me throughout the week and it wouldn't let up, so I thought why not put this together in a post and put it out here. I hope some, if not all, of it can be of some help to a writer out there. Maybe a newbie will find it useful; maybe an established author can find a nugget of truth somewhere in there... Either way, here goes!

Have you failed your readers?

Hey beautiful people!

Lol - strange to find me posting on a Monday, eh? I'm asking myself the same question...and I'll give you the answer in a few paragraphs (bear with me).

I remember I used to post every Monday, and every day of the work week, for that matter. When did this stop? Sometime about a year or a little more ago (I recall my last Random Thoughts Monday posting because I upped the post late. We'd needed to take kiddo to the dentist, and on the way there, we blew a tyre on the car. While we'd brought it to the garage to get a new tyre, super thunderstorms unleashed on the town. And it was our old car, the Suzuki Alto, which we sold last year in April for the Chevrolet Aveo we now own).

7 Things You Might Not Know About Zee Monodee (via The Very Inspiring Blogger Award)

Hey beautiful people!

Once again I find myself up to my neck in edits and barely able to pop my head over the water level for long enough to take another life-sustaining breath. But with the weekend approaching, I'm starting to let myself bob up and down on those choppy waters, and the best thing to do in that state is... chill!

I don't have a progress report for you today (though if you check the WIP counters, you'll see the jump in work), but since I've been tagged for a blog award, I thought, why not chill with that?

The lovely and talented Rae Rivers tagged me on this round of The Very Inspiring Blogger Award (thank you, darling!! I'm honoured!). For those of you who don't recall, Rae was here a little while ago with her guest post "Has the cat got your tongue?" Take a peek at the quirky world of art and art theft she features in her latest book.

But anyhow, the award... This is how this works. I'm supposed to link back to the person who tagged me (done!), write up 7 things about me, and then tag a few very inspiring people. I'm not too sure about the tagging part, because everyone I find inspiring seem to have already been tagged, so I won't burden anyone with a tag. I will, however, tell you who I find inspiring lately. *grin*

So, 7 things you might not know about me.... I'm pretty much an open book, but the blog's been getting lots of new visitors lately who might not have been following my rambles from all the while back. I also have lots of new Twitter followers, so this might be interesting for them.

Let's get started...

1. I was a surprise baby, born when my dad was 48 and my mum 41, a few months before their 20th wedding anniversary. After having my brother 16 years earlier, my mum had been told she'd never have kids again. Then, *poof*, here I was.
I'll admit it was kinda strange growing up with my cousins' kids the same age or slightly older than me... Today, at 30, I'm already a "grandma" to a 16-yr-old girl... *gasp*

2. I'm a cancer survivor. 8 years ago, a week after my 22nd birthday, I was diagnosed with malignant ductal carcinoma in situ - in short, breast cancer. Thank goodness it wasn't the invasive kind, but given how it struck with me being so young, my oncologist took no chances and pumped me up with meds and therapy. I've thus been through horrid rounds of chemotherapy and radiation therapy.
But as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and cancer changed my life, taught me to enjoy every moment I have been blessed with on this Earth, and to not take for granted all the blessings God has showered on me.

3. I always 'dreamed' of being a writer someday. I thought a 'good' life meant a career in a sophisticated office environment and me as a power maven in that culture. Then I tried corporate working, and it kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth when it wasn't making me sick outright. Still, that's what was deemed as our society as 'making it', so I stuck to my guns.
But when I was diagnosed, by husband told me that "one day is right now; you make it happen!" I took his words to heart and put pen to paper, literally, and what emerged was my first novel, The Other Side, which is being re-published in July this year.

4. I'm a bully magnet. I don't know if it's because I'm naive, or trust too easily, or people take me for an airhead whom they think they can boss around easily... I've been bullied throughout my life. There was the out-and-out mean girl in secondary school, who thought she was the hottest stuff to walk the earth and thus anyone slumming it in a way unlike hers deserved her contempt and riling. Sometimes, I wonder how I survived her taunts... I think God gave me the strength to cope. When I think of what she put me through, today I ask myself how I didn't think of ending my life, the way some bullied kids do nowadays.
Then at work, my boss' PA offloaded all her work on me, and in a sweet way that no one would pinpoint at first, would bully me around to do her bidding instead of what the department required (hence the bitter aftertaste and nausea induced by the corporate world).
I was not at the end of my tether, though, because even online, someone I considered a dear friend abused that friendship and turned on me in an outright war of slinging mud when I dared say, enough is enough!
I'm pretty sure I'm not done with bullies. With my track record, I consider that a given. But hopefully, I am older and wiser now and can stand my ground.

5. The sight and smell of fresh fruit makes me sick. I know - weird. I cannot even run past the produce section at the grocery store without gagging once. Consequently, I don't eat fruit, either. And in case you're wondering, I get my Vit C from veggies or boxed juice or even multivitamin tablets. It's worked so far.
But my biggest nightmare is bananas. Just the sight of them even in a picture can make me want to throw up. And no, I have no clue where that phobia of bananas comes from.

6. Other thing that can give me nightmares - reptiles! As much as I adore shoes and handbags, I cannot even tolerate the idea of a shoe or bag in reptile skin *shiver, shudder, horror!* I cannot stand the look of those animals, and they totally, totally creep me out! I can kill a cockroach (while screming the whole time to keep the adrenalin bursting!) and I'll shoo spiders when I see them. But if my gaze lands on a lizard, I freeze, and only my vocal chords will work as I yell for whoever is at home to come get that beast away from me!

7. The first time I got married, I was 17. Today I know that what I had deemed a lifelong love (without which I'd die!) back then was nothing more than a burst of infatuation with a man who seemed to have everything (including a tendency to want to provide to more than one lady love at a time, if you get my drift...).
At 18, while all my peers were writing their A-levels, I was getting a divorce in a very messy courtroom battle because my ex refused to shoulder the blame of his infidelity as the reason for our breakup. Yes, today I know I was partly to blame in there because at the time I was a spoilt little princess who thought she was owed everything. I wasn't easy to live with, but what hurt was that he never had the courage to say to my face that I was driving him nuts; instead preferring to go find his solace in other women's arms before crawling back into my bed afterwards.
So at the wise age of 19, I remarried, and so far so good, this man and I have been going strong for 11 years, through thick and thin (cancer, remember? We also had our lean times when the money was only enough to buy potatoes to take us to the next paycheck, and we didn't have a car for many years, among other things...)

So here's a bit about me. I must've bored you stiff by now, and I apologize. It's just that even to myself, I am a complex puzzle made of facets and sides that somehow all come together to make 'me' who I am. And the quirkiest is... I'm not at the end of my tether. Every day, I discover something about myself, and uncover some wisdom about life... They say we never stop learning, and life's doing its fair share to show me that all the time...

Anyhow, back on track. As this is The Very Inspiring Blog award, I am not tagging people but will tell you who I do find inspiring in this big bad world out there. Some of them are:
author Natalie G Owens. My bestie, a wonderful author, and even more beautiful person with a heart of gold and the most helpful, guileless nature out there. Proud to know she is on my team!
author Karen Rock. A fabulous writer, but an even more fantabulous person! I recently met her but the friendship bond she has extended my way is the kind that reinforces in your heart that Good does still exist out there!
Decadent Publishing owners Lisa Omstead and Heather Bennet. Two insanely awesome ladies who go to bat for their authors, their friends, and their pub house. It's an honour to be part of their team, and an even bigger honour to consider them dear friends.
authors Lynn Spangler, Graylin Fox, and Rebecca Royce - for being amazing women, fantastic authors, and always being there for me despite whatever drama could be going on in their lives. They are my rocks!

That's it for my (very rambling) Friday peeps. No, I'm not drunk (I don't drink, what with being a Muslim and all that, lol) and I'm not also high on anything (recently cut off caffeine from my life. I know, crazy, but I had to for health reasons...).
Still, I hope this post gave you a glimpse into my existence. Thanks for sharing these parts of me now.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Routines & what-not: How to be an author, an editor, a mum, & everything else at the same time!

Hey peeps!

It sure has been ages since I last dropped on here for Mondays' Random Thoughts. Can we say life crept up on me? I also didn't have the best of plans in 2012, just aiming at dilly-dallying at writing and see where that would take me. That might've been Mistake #1.

For, you see - to be good at any role, you cannot dilly-dally with it.

If you're an author, you write (and finish projects!). That's your job.
If you're an editor, you edit (and work around deadlines and the like).
If you're a wife, you don't happen to be married to that other person only so-many hours of the day.
If you're a mum, you're on call & on duty 24/7 at every second of every minute of every hour.

And yes, first of all, you're a woman... and one who also happens to be all the above, too. All rolled into one. And yes again - you have only 24 hours in a day to work aaaaall these miracles you're expected to achieve (new stories, promoting releases, edit deadlines, a clean house, dinner on the table and lunch boxes in school bags. Oh yeah - you're expected to sleep, too, somewhere in there!)

Are we women running right into a brick wall by trying to be Superwoman? But here's where it hurts - the average woman DOES have at least 90% of the above tasks to tackle daily. Being an average woman nowadays equals having to pull up your knee-high boots and skin-tight costume and put on the tiara - tada! Superwoman's on the scene!

Over the course of the weekend, I've waded through 1400+ emails in my inbox (that's the result of having 2 hyenas at home 24/7 for the past 9 weeks!). I have no clue where I've read what I might've read as I went through these emails, but something stuck in my head and I'll tell you what it is.

Somebody (I don't recall who, or where) said that routine gives us a time frame that rolls one into the other until the edges blur and everything is the same, regurgitated all over again. That why, apparently, we see time rushing past us (who else has asked, "Where did 2012 go???").

I don't agree... To me, routine allows you to get to everything on the tasks' list, allows you to rush that Superwoman cape through all the roles you have to endorse on a daily basis.
Proof in the pudding - I had the boys at home for 9 (looong!) weeks. Routine shot to the lowest pits of hell and me getting nothing done (hence the 1400+ emails accumulating, the dust bunny families in and around the house, the increased grocery bills as I fell on semi-prepared stuff and even *gasp* processed food to cope with the demands of 2 growing boys who are always hungry.) Oh yeah, too - NO writing done! How's that for progress???

So don't underestimate the power of routine, peeps. Routine + Scheduling = Accomplishing something (even if not everything).

How can you do that? A few tips:

1. Find a time for everything (aka - Schedule!)
At different times of the day, I am focusing on a specific role in my repertoire of existence. Waking up till 8.30AM, I'm the over-her-head mum trying to get the kiddo to school. While he's in school, 8.30AM to 3PM, I'm the author who writes and/or the editor who edits. That's also the only time in the day I can hear myself think, so I compartmentalize that 7.5 hours bracket to include some exercise without anyone laughing at my two left feet during Zumba. From 3PM to the time the kiddo goes to bed, I'm the housewife, the mum, the cook/washer/driver/teaching coach. Evening is 'my' sacred time when I get to indulge in some TV or a good book.
So throughout a day, I've managed to be author, editor, mum, wife, woman (well, on most days...) Why can't you do it?

2. Plan
I'm not a fan of surprises. The only surprise I would tolerate are a) finding a contract in my inbox, and b) finding the latest Sophie Kinsella chick-lit for sale on Amazon.uk.
So I plan my work week, even my weekends. This also allows me to see if I'll really be in over my head, or if I can fit everything in. For example, I have something specific planned for every day of the work week. Edits on this ms for Monday; Chap whatever on this WIP for Tuesday; Chap whatever again for other WIP on Wednesday; edits on own story on Thursday; etc.
Have something  - and only that! - on your schedule for a specific length of time. Trust me, it keeps you from being a headless chicken running all over the place.

3. Allow for contingencies
At any time, a kid might get sick (or, God forbid, the hubby might get sick and think he's dying!). I myself don't have stellar health, so at any point, a cold can creep up on me and leave me on the floor.
Allow for these in your schedule. If you manage to get through without having to call on your 'carry me through' card, great. If not, you won't stress, and know you allowed yourself time to slack off.
Example - say you can write 3,000 words a day. At this rate, with 5 writing days a week, you can expect to finish a 50K ms in 19-20 days tops. One month, or 4 weeks.
Tack on an additional 2 weeks on this expectation, and give yourself some breathing room! You'll be glad for it, believe me!

4. Be dedicated
You're the only one who can do everything you have to do. No one will write your story for you (unless you can pay a ghostwriter!). No one will edit the piece you have to edit (turn it in with barely any work done and run the risk of losing your job. This applies to all jobs, btw). No one will be a mother to your kids (no, not even the nanny. She's the nanny, not the mum. And Grandma is just that - Grandma!). No one will be the wife of the man you married (unless you wanna run the risk of him finding someone else who'll better fill those wifey shoes? No? I thought so.)

5. Set goals (and reward yourself when reaching them!)
I'ev already told myself that, for the next paycheck I receive from my editing job, I'll treat myself to a pair of shoes from ALDO. That's motivation for me to hand the work in well ahead of deadline so I know I will earn that paycheck. *grin*
Reward can be something as simple as taking a week off of writing, etc, when, say, you finish a WIP.
Work towards a goal - your combative spirit will rise up to the challenge. And imagine how proud you'll be when you'll be savouring the reward you promised yourself!

6. Establish a routine!
One that works for you. My schedule can seem like a nutter's diary to you, or it can look like a walk in the park if you're even more ADD/hyper than I am.
No one knows YOUR life/existence as well as you do, so start making that knowledge work for you!

Hope this rambling above helps you find a way to a more productive 2013! If you have any tips along these lines, please, do share them!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Back on board! So much to come in 2013!!!

Hey beautiful people!

After 9 weeks of staying at home for the summer break, kiddo has finally gone back to school today! Yay - deliverance! I'd say that qualifies for me sitting down with a slice of awesome cake and savouring the whole deal, for once in 9 weeks not having to hide in my pantry so no little inquiring minds can know I am enjoying a forbidden moment when I'm not being their mental chew toy. *grin*

I always underestimate the impact of school breaks - I keep saying, the boys are grown so they'll leave me alone for a few hours a day and I can get my stuff done. Wrong! Having kids inside your house, with just a wall separating you from their loud (and often violent!) video games soundtrack and their very own bickering and ourbursts that would put the biggest cat-fighters to shame - tata, sanity!

But thank goodness that is now over. Kiddo starts 5th year in primary. Kind of a big step, because 6th year is the last of primary in the Mauritian education system, and there's a huge national exam to sanction the end of primary years. Foundation work for that milestone started last year when he did Year 4, but it is now in Year 5 that the heat will start to be felt... and since neither myself nor the hubby wanted to give in to the pressure to add extra lessons (which is a huge and totally warped culture in Mauritius. Kids in private tuition/lessons before and after the school day, sometimes even on weekends. When will they get to be kids, for goodness' sake???) So, yeah - this means I'll be having to monitor the little one with his lessons. Thank goodness I wasn't that lousy at school, and hopefully, can help coach him some so he can shine (without pressure and extreme expectations).

That takes care of my weekends, which will now be family time. But the weekdays... Oh, baby, do we have stuff going on in the weekdays too, now. :)

2012 was a fantabulous year for me. I signed contracts for 4 books - 2 of which came out the same year; the remaining 2, that I wrote during the year, coming out shortly in 2013. There have been ups, and some downs (namely a huge upheaval at one of my publishers. Thank goodness they seem to have gotten back on their feet quite quickly, and I look forward to working with them again this year).

Mostly, there have been ups - with me joining the author lineup at Decadent Publishing back in January of last year, I never dreamed where this association would take me. I ended 2012 as the Managing Editor of a brand new line Decadent had rolled out during the year. Ubuntu is its name, with stories, mainly romance, focusing on the African landscape, culture, and horizons. The very first book from this line is coming out this week, btw. Stay tuned for more on that.

I know I said someplace on this blog itself that, at one point, I let go of editing to focus on being an author. And that's exactly what I did. But the call to edit was strong, too, and I think I might just have been waiting for the right opportunity to arise. It came up the day Heather Bennett, co-owner of Decadent Publishing, "innocently" pulled me into a conversation about Africa and precisely, what modern Africa looked like (she'd heard I lived on the continent. Yes, Mauritius is considered part of Africa!). We got to talking... and then, Bam! She dropped the bomb - she and Lisa Omstead, the other DP owner, wanted to start a line geared toward African romance, and they needed someone to steer it. Would I agree to be that someone?

After speaking about this with my family, I got their green light... and haven't looked back. Never would I have thought when I started 2012 that I'd end up where I did. My goal was to write a few stories and get them published. What's happened has soared beyond my hopes.

Another dream of mine started to take shape last year, when I joined hands with my bestie and the woman I consider my soul sister, author Natalie G. Owens. We finally got down to starting a book series we're co-writing. The progression on that one beat all our expectations, and now we're cruising toward the finishing and release of our first book from that venture, called Eternelles.

2013 promises to be an even greater year. I also promise you much more of me (okay, you have my permission to run for the hills right away screaming "Gaaaahhhh!!!" LOL) on this platform. The posts should return daily, and I'll also be blogging 3 Wednesdays a month at the Pop Culture Divas blog. Gonna try my best to book some fantabulous guests to visit this year also, with more books for you to discover.

On the whole, 2013 will, I hope, be MY year, even more than 2012 has been. It will be my greatest joy to go on this journey with ye all right by my side, in this blog's audience, and also on my Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest journeys.

Big thank you to everyone who is reading this, and/or who visits my little slice of Zee-land on this blog here. After having my family with me, I am nothing without all of you.

Best wished for a rocken' 2013, peeps! Let's set the world on fire!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 15 Ways To Stay Married For 15 Years

Hey peeps!

Been a while since I last posted a Link Thursday article. It was in my best intentions to have one up every week, though, ... and since a few of you have let me know you'd love to see this coming back, well I am obliging. *grin* There should be a Link Thursday post every week now (or else feel free to come stalk me until I get a post up!).

That being said... I was faced with the eternal blogging question - What to post??? Then the answer happened while I was on Pinterest this morning. Saw a lovely pic, but it's the title and link that had me intrigued.

15 ways to stay married for 15 years... and apparently, the advice was true-to-life and not pulled out of thin air. Decided to check it out, and couldn't believe how much I was nodding all the way through.

Hubby and I are going on 11 years here. It's been full of ups and downs and lots of broken china, but the absolute certainty is that we're in this together, for better or worse, us against the world. Funnily enough, the things I have come to realize in the decade we have shared so far all strike very close to home to what the author of this article states.

When I got married, I was 19. I thought I knew everything, like youngsters usually do. More than once, I've nearly wrecked my marriage through my own fault because I felt entitled to this or that and stuff and feelings he owed me.

But that's not how it works! He owes me nothing except for the vows he took - to love, honour, and cherish, through sickness and health (and boy, has that one been put to the test!), poverty and riches, etc, etc. I not only shouldn't expect flowers on Valentine's Day or our anniversary (they would be lovely, but trust my hubby to forget!), but the point of an ongoing marriage is that you don't need flowers on V-Day/Anniversary to make it work.

Lydia Netzer who posted the original article says it all so well - I'll let you read on & come to the same conclusion I reached once I grew up and realised it was all in my hands!

The original article is by Lydia Netzer; however, I grabbed it off the GirlsGuideTo site, post penned by Katie Ostoich (link on the article title below).

Enjoy!

*****

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

posted by: Katie Ostoich
at 9:44pm on: July 5, 2012

So the world is blowing up with all the details of Katie and Tom's failed marriage and all that that entails. When I was sinlge, I devoured details of celebrity divorces. The scandal! The intrigue! Now that I'm married, it kinda just makes me sad. I hate when that ever popular 50% stat is proven right. So whenever I start to get a little down about my own relationship or the state of marriages in general, I pull up what is probably my most favorite piece of writing on the internet. I know, that's a bold statement. But it's true. Author Lydia Netzer has been married for 15 years. She and her husband aren't experts on marriage, just their own, and you can tell they are super proud of their relationship and totally still in love.

As Lydia says, she and her husband Dan got married when they were 25 years old. I love her self decprication: "Looking back I’m surprised we didn’t, as 25 year olds, self-destruct just for the heck of it. Now that we are older, we are perhaps surprisingly also wiser." Trust me, they are definitely wiser.

Here are the things they have learned over the years, that helped them stay married and -- gasp! -- even happy for fifteen years. (Beyond that, she says you’re on your own. She can’t promise another 15.) Their list does not resemble the one you will find in Cosmo or Ladies’ Home Journal. She says they have never had a regular date night, nor do they prioritize “communication” or play sex games or see a therapist. He doesn’t bring her flowers every Thursday, she doesn’t cook his favorite food very often. But they do have some other ideas. Here they are in Lydia and Dan's own words!

1. Go to bed mad.The old maxim that you shouldn’t go to bed mad is stupid. Sometimes you need to just go to freakin’ bed. “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase “Be angry and sin not.” So, who’s to say it doesn’t mean “Stay angry, bitches. Don’t let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours.” Seriously. Whoever interpreted this to mean that you should stay up after midnight, tear-stained and petulant, trying to iron out some kind of overtired and breathy accord -- was stupid. Shut up, go to bed, let your husband get some sleep. In the morning, eat some pancakes. Everything will seem better, I swear.

2. Laugh if you can.In any fight, there is one person who is really mad, and one person who isn’t that mad. That person should deflect the fight. Make a joke, do something stupid or corny, make the other person laugh. If the fight is very serious for you and you feel like you really want to plant your flag and die on this hill, fine. Do it. But if you’re fighting for entertainment, or because you’re just reacting, then you be the one to deflect. Fights are bad. Deflecting a fight whenever possible is a good idea. When you’re the one who’s being pissy and raw, and the other person helps you get out of it and brings about peace, that feels fantastic. This was a hard lesson to learn, for me. Letting Dan deflect a fight is the best thing, now. He does it really well.

3. Don’t criticize. Ever.Here is a fact: Whatever critical thing that you are about to say to your wife is already being loudly articulated in her head. And if it’s true, she already feels like crap about it. Assuming you married someone intelligent enough to like you and sane enough to let you put a ring on it, trust that they are self-aware enough to know when they screwed up. It may feel good to you in that moment to say the critical thing, let it go ringing through the air in all its sonorous correctness, but it will feel awful to hear it. The only, only way it’s beneficial to give your wife criticism of any kind is if you’re absolutely positive she is completely unaware. And you better find the nicest, kindest way possible to tell her. And even then, good luck convincing her. Their recognition of the thing you are helpfully trying to point out will be INHIBITED, not facilitated, by your criticism. And then you’re the asshole. So be careful.

4. Be the mirror.Your husband is the mirror in which you see yourself. And the things you say to him give him an image of himself too, which he will believe. You want him to believe it, so make it good. Be a mirror that reflects something positive: you’re smart, you’re successful, you’re fantastic in the sack, you’re a great provider, you’re the best. Can you MAKE him any of these things just by telling him he is? I don’t know, but consider this: the alternative really sucks. The things my husband says to me are 1000 times more convincing than anyone else’s opinion on earth. Don’t think he won’t believe you because you’re married and you’re contractually obligated to say nice things. He’ll believe the shitty, insulting things you say, and the gloriously positive things.

5. Be proud and brag.Let your spouse hear you talking about them in glowing terms to other people. Be foolish. Be obvious. It will mean everything. You will stay married forever.

6. Do your own thing.Dan races bicycles. I write books. I don’t race bicycles or have any desire to race bicycles. He doesn’t write books, nor does he even read the books that I write. Seriously. And I don’t care. My opinion is that he’s the fastest, coolest most awesome bike racer ever. His opinion is that I’m the bestest, coolest writer ever. We don’t have to know all about cycling or writing in order to form these opinions -- in fact knowledge of literature or actually reading my book might damage Dan’s opinion of me as “best writer since the dawn of time.” We can still support each other without being all up in the other person’s stuff. Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that the other person has no idea, really, about, is awesome. It allows your spouse to be your cheerleader, uncomplicated by knowledge or personal investment. And it means you’ll always have stuff to talk about, because you’re not overlapping all the time. You don’t have to read the same books either. You don’t have to have the same friends.

7. Have kids.Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.

8. Get really good at sex.You’ve got all the time in the world to get really really good, not just at sex in general, but at having sex with your one particular husband. You should make it your life’s mission to become the perfect sex machine exactly for him. And he for you. There is no reason to hold back, or be embarrassed, or not ask questions, and get everything working properly. There’s absolutely no excuse for letting years drag on without becoming fully skilled, gifted sex partners for each other. It makes everything so much better. Does talking about this make you uncomfortable? How uncomfortable would it make you to know that your spouse is secretly, silently “just okay” with your sexual performance? Yeah. You want to last fifteen years, remember? That’s a long time to be mildly happy.

9. Move.Live in different houses. In different parts of the country. Travel. Make it so that you can look back and divide up your life into the years you spent in different cities, or different houses. If you’re feeling stuck geographically or physically, you can confuse yourself into thinking you’re stuck romantically. See your husband in different places, in different contexts, in different countries even. Try it. Take him to a mountaintop and give him another look. Pretty sexy. Take him to a new city and check out his profile. Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to change personally, or let your wife change as a person. Don’t worry about “growing apart.” Be brave and evolve. Become completely different. Don’t gather moss. Stagnation is unattractive.

10. Stop thinking temporarily.Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in “ifs” and “thens” even when you’ve publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won’t tolerate it. If I do this, he’ll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn’t pay more attention. It’s natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can get go of the idea that marriage is temporary, and will end if certain awful conditions are met, the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it’s absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you’re going to stay with him. He’s going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the “what if”s and “in case of”s.

11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious. Don’t ass around with a “hall pass” or a “harmless flirtation.” Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end. Don’t put your feet on a path that could lead someplace bad.

12. Make a husband pact with your friends.The husband pact says this: I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more. The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don’t really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this.

13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.This is one I did read somewhere in a magazine, and it’s totally true. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will. If you’re a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.

14. Be loyal.All the crap you read in magazines about honesty, sense of humor, communication, sensitivity, date nights, couples weekends, blah blah blah can be trumped by one word: loyalty. You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules. This is okay. The team is not adversarial, the team does not tear its members down, the team does not sabotage the team’s success. Teammates work constantly to help and better their teammates. Loyalty means you put the other person in your marriage first all the time, and you let them put you first. Loyalty means subverting your whims or desires of the moment to better meet your spouse’s whims or desires, with the full understanding and expectation that they will be doing the same. This is the heart of everything, and it is a tricky balance. Sometimes it sways one way and some the other. Sometimes he gets to be crazy, sometimes it’s your turn. Sometimes she’s in the spotlight, sometimes you. Ups and downs, ultimately, don’t matter because the team endures.

15. Trust the person you married.For two people who are trying to help each other, it can almost be harder to let the other person help you than it is to be the one who’s helping. It can be harder to let the other person deflect the fight than to be the one deflecting. It can be harder to believe that your husband is fully committed to a lifetime of marriage than to commit yourself. Harder to change yourself than to let the other person change. Harder to be loved than to love. Weird, but true. I’m saying this to everyone who’s newly married, and to myself: trust that person. Love them completely and let them love you. If it all goes to seed, it’s going to hurt either way. Better to have gone into it full throttle. Full throttle marriage is a thrilling ride.

This list is simply the best marriage advice I’ve ever read. It closely resembles a lot of what my parents live, and they are the best example of a happy marriage I’ve ever known. Like I said, I read this list often…do you agree with me that this is such smart advice? Do you do these 15 things with your husband or significant other?

{Lydia Netzer’s original article, complete with adorable pictures!}

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 4 Things Women Do That Men Will Never Understand

Hey beautiful people!

There's finally some brilliant sun accompanied by a dose of warmth here on the island! Not a cloud in the blue, blue sky, and no hint of rain or humidity! Whoo-hoo! This is making me giddy and I'm flitting around like a carefree butterfly... and in the process, the blokes here are looking at me as if I've just sprung up from a beaming light coming from a far away, unknown dimension...

I keep telling them - that's girls for you. This is who and how we are, but I suppose they're never gonna get it, poor souls.

And then I saw this article and thought it was perfect to illustrate my point!

As applicable to real-life ( just like my guys don't 'get' me, I'm sure yours don't, too) as it can apply to fiction and romance; some aspects of your heroine, well you poor hero is totally not gonna understand!

So here we go with this list. I grabbed the article from BettyConfidential, and you can view it online here.

And yeah - here they have to slug through Gossip Girl, not The Bachelorette. *grin* And I totally 'get' the pinning and 'stuff'...

Enjoy!

***

4 Things Women Do That Men Will Never Understand

 

TV shows we obsess over, the joys of Pinterest, the need for chocolate...these are things that boggle a guy's mind.

Updated on July 15, 2012, 12:57 pm ET

By Elizabeth Marie

Communication and understanding are crucial in relationships. However, some things just can't be explained...to a man. Here are the four things women do that men will just never understand.

1. Have PMS.

Lets break it down. EVERY month like clockwork certain things happen. And every month you're surprised. You can't understand what it's like to have your body and mind taken over by an overly emotional, starving devil woman with a sweet tooth, so just call me on the 15th of every month and don't worry, I'll let you know. I'm fairly certain many men think PMS is some mystical party trick we bust out when we're feeling especially feisty...or hungry. As shocking as many men might find this, women don't like the joy ride our hormones take us on once a month and we don't understand it that much either! We don't have any idea why we burst into tears when you said, “You look nice” or called you an a-hole when you brought us breakfast in bed (egg whites? are you trying to tell me something? I'm fat, right?), but what we do know is that it doesn't last forever. Pro tip: If a woman is PMS-EY (medical term) more often than she's not, it's not hormones. If it is just a once a month thing, be grateful! You dodged a bullet, bro! Now give us a snickers and a hug.

2. Watch The Bachelorette.

I wonder how many men in America are being forced to spend two hours every Monday night watching Emily say, “I'm so excited” and make-out with guy after guy. My boyfriend watches it every week, meaning that he sits next to me reading Lakers news, occasionally making fun of the guys on the show. ”Jef...with one 'F'?” He also asks such riveting questions as, “Do any of these people actually get married and stay together?” or “You do know this is totally scripted, right?” First of all, YES! Trista and Ryan got married on T.V...umm...oh and Jason and Molly. So that's something. As for it being scripted and fake, of course it is. Women know that. We just don't care. Here's the secret--we aren't watching it because we think it's real. Quite the opposite--it's such a departure from real life that we enjoy zoning out in front of the TV, watching a pretty lil’ thing with a great wardrobe stylist fall in “love” in exotic locations, laughing at the cat fights and taking bets on who won't get a rose. We do this all the while knowing that real, true love is messy-true love takes more than a few fantasy dates to develop, and we feel pretty grateful that the guy on the couch next to us doesn't have 19 other girlfriends.

3. Waste time on Pinterest

When a guy asks you what you're doing and you're all, “I'm PINNING!” Don't be surprised when he stares at you blankly. It's safe to say that Pinterest was developed for the ladies. We love stuff. Wanting stuff. Being inspired by stuff. Planning for stuff. Pretending we're going to bake stuff, which is usually some random combination of bacon, blueberries and bourbon. And Pinterest is place to organize all of this stuff...into boards of more stuff! In other words, it's a time waster of epic proportions that sometimes gives us ideas on what to wear, what to cook and what to stuff next into a mason jar. With an arsenal of Pinterest boards at our disposal, we feel equipped to tackle any crucial challenge life might throw our way, like perfecting the fishtail braid or painting plaid onto our nails.

4. Say they have nothing to wear while standing in front of a closet full of clothes.

First of all, most of the time women don't mean this literally. Pointing out that there are tons of clothes hanging right in front of her is only going to get you yelled at. It doesn't matter if her walk in closet is bigger than a department store, when she feels like she has nothing to wear, is trying on every outfit she owns and is near tears, what she's really saying is, “I feel ugly in everything today.” Maybe it's PMS (see #1), or maybe it's just an off day. Instead of retreating to your man cave, help the girl out. If possible, find her yoga pants immediately! Or if she has to leave the house, scavenge for her softest, stretchiest, oldest pair of jeans and a black v-neck tee. Even dressier? The black dress that hugs her in all the right places. Then look her in the eyes and tell her she looks beautiful.

Tell us: what are some things men do that you'll never understand?

Elizabeth Marie is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site and maintains their popular We Love Dates blog. Keep in touch on Facebook or Twitter!

***

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Tidbit Tuesday: On my playlist right now...

Hey peeps!

Been a while since I was last able to do this. Missed sharing my fave music with you, and since I have a free Tuesday slot today on the blog, why not showcase some of the tracks on repeat on my player right now, and that refuse to leave my brain no matter how much I try to forget? Maybe I could get those tunes in your brains too *mwahahah!*

So, let's kick off...

I happened to watch the DVD of the movie Wanted again this weekend... and in the process, recalled that this was the movie that triggered my Corpus storyline idea and that inspired me to have an agency of assassins and spies in my debut book and series. I'd also forgotten what a cool action movie this one is - well-rounded, and with an awesome soundtrack. Take a listen (and look-see here! The video cannot be embedded)





My son and my nieces love this one! I admit I didn't like it or get the fuss the first time I heard it, but damn if this song doesn't grow on you... I have no idea what the lyrics are saying, or even how to pronounce half the words in there, but this is a good one.




"Bouncy, bouncy" is how many refer to the tone of this track. I love this girl's voice - she's from Wales, and this song is simply too good to pass up on!




And of course, we gotta have a totally British singer in the mix (yeah, Marina & the diamonds is Welsh, but here we're talking England...). I love her voice and vocal range, plus this girl knows how to move. In a collaboration with the greatest DJ of them all, David Guetta, I'm loving me some Jessie J.




What are you listening to right now? Share with me, will ye? :)

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

When you're a writer, you WRITE! Full stop!

Hey beautiful people!

Didn't get to post my usual progress Friday report yesterday because I was on the final lap of finishing Transient Hearts. Finished Chapter 9 on Thursday, and I was just one chapter short of the end. No matter that this chapter would surely clock in at 5K+, I knew I had to finish it yesterday. I couldn't take the risk of stopping halfway and pushing this into next week, where I knew I would lose my drive if I didn't go insane from not writing during the weekend. And no, I cannot write in weekends because a) it's family time, and b) that's when I allow myself a break too.

So there I was staring at the last 4-5 scenes that made up the outline of the last chapter. Beside a note here and there that H does this and h does that while H speaks with cousin and h gets a call from home, I didn't have more prompts to write this one. Which is why it was daunting, and why I found myself for the past few days mulling over this chapter and how it was supposed to take place based on those notes I had penned and the synopsis I had sent in with my proposal.

There's something strangely weird about figuring out everything that's to happen in your story, even down to the last detail. I'm a complusive plotter - I plan and plan and plan, yet when I write, the story will almost always 'turn' on me and something I hadn't expected happens or gets said.

Here I was yesterday morning, with that chapter set in my mind, yet at the same time I had no clue what I was doing. I simply sat down and started writing, and lo and behold, I got that chapter done... to the point where I even wrote "The End" on the last line of that ms.

I did mention this in my "I wrote 10K in a week" post last Friday, but I'll say it again here. All it takes is you sitting down and starting to write. That's the first step; that's the only step. You're a writer so your job is to simply sit down and start writing.

After seeing what I've been able to do these past two weeks, I no longer believe in writer's block and all those things we tell ourselves is blocking us. Here's what I mean:

I've gone weeks when the most I wrote was 1K, 2K at best. I kept telling myself I couldn't do any better, that the story wasn't flowing, that I'd lost my way with the characters, that I needed to think it all through again.

Bollocks!

In the past 2 weeks, I've written over 25K on this story.
10,061 words last week;
16,886 words this week.

In the middle of all this, I was battling a cold with a super-runny nose, a sore throat, an ear infection, and consequently pain in my jaw and sinuses. The weather was a total bitch - if I managed to see 4 hours of sunlight this week, I'll count myself lucky. My husband was working on another job site that had him out of the house for 14+hours a day, leaving me to deal with the kid/s single-handedly without a hand to help with homework, fight breaking, dinner preps, and getting everyone ready in the morning.

I realized that I'm a writer, and a writer writes. Full stop. Yes, the deadline on my head contributed to that, but seriously? If we say we are writers, then our job is to write. Writing is not a hobby. When you have a job out there in the corporate world in an office or on site or wherever, what do you do every single work day? You buck up, get on with it, and head to work, where you work. What's any different when you're a writer (except that you don't have to get out of your PJs)???

The answer is Nothing!

If you are a writer, it's your job to write, and you better do it every single day whether you feel like it or not! The first step - the only step - you have to take is to start writing!

And just like an accountant brushes up on tax laws when tax season creeps up, or when a lawyer reads his case file notes over and over before stepping into a courtroom, as a writer it's your job to make sure you know what you are doing. This means knowing what story you are writing, what your characters are like - how they think, behave, react, where they are starting and where they should end, and most importantly, how they get there. You don't have to become an anal plotter like I am, but it would certainly help you to know what the heck you're doing with a story instead of simply having an idea of boy-meets-girl; let's see where they take me. If you're writing as a hobby, then you can afford to do that. Not if you consider yourself first and foremost a writer! Otherwise, you'd thus start in London and then find yourself in Paris with no clue how you got there, and have to backtrack to find that way. But instead of landing back in London, you find you're now in Cornwall, where the story should've taken place all along. Or, wait - is that Yorkshire? If you'd known your journey, thought it through even a little, you could've ended up in Yorkshire directly without the need to visit all these places and scrape all those trips from the final journey.

I'm no different a writer than you are, peeps. I'm a wife, a mother, a whiner, a procrastinator, a TV-show junkie, and there's nothing I love more than a day of doing nothing.

But I know I also chose to become a writer, and now it's no longer merely a choice but a responsibility I took with myself, with my publishers, my editors, and more importantly, with my readers. I cannot let any one of these people down... just like you too cannot.

It doesn't matter what you have to do to start writing. Polish your craft, learn the art of writing, read like a fiend, plot out every single detail, know your H/h better than you know your spouse...

Just write! That's the secret!

That's how I finished Transient Hearts, how I conquered my doubt demons and came up with an ms that sits at 61,186 words on the 1st draft. Just by writing!

You too can do it!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: Real Friends v/s Fake Friends - How to tell the difference

Hey beautiful people!

Surfacing from my WIP (I'm on the final chapter, peeps! Final. Chapter!). It's been a heck of a ride these past few weeks to get this story in shape and actually written. Something I wouldn't have been able to do without the support, cheering, urging, prompting, and encouragement from those absolutely fantastic writing friends of mine!

I've been blessed with the friendships that fill my life. Most of these women (and a few men!), I've never met in person. But across the Net, we've reached out to one another to weave strong, resilient ties that withstand a lot of stress and long-distance and time-difference pressure.

I've known a few 'fakies' too, but thank goodness, I know I can count on everyone in my life today, and none of them will let me down. I hope they know/feel they can count on me just as much.

So, are your friends fabulous, or fakies? I was reading this article just this morning, and thought ye all would probably love this. And don't forget your heroine's BFF in the story, or the hero's bromance with his best buddy - these are all great pointers to sketch those characters. :)

I got the article from Betty Confidential, at this link.

Enjoy!

*****

Real Friends vs. Fake Friends: 20 Ways to Tell the Difference

How do you tell a real friend from a fake friend? Let us count the ways!

Updated on June 12, 2012, 10:34 am ET

By The Betty Editors

If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that friends are awesome. During the good times and the bad, through thick and through thin, your best pals are there for you—and you’re there for them. But sometimes, friends may turn out to be “friends.” You know: Those poisonous relationships that look great on the surface, but leave you feeling all icky underneath. So how do you tell these fake friends from your real friends? We’ve put together a handy guide to help you figure it out. If you’ve got anyone that fits one or more of these profiles, get rid of them, stat! The last thing you need in your life is the sort of negativity that arises from that sort of relationship. Embrace the positive—your real friends will help you do it!

1. A fake friend will expect you to drop everything for her if disaster strikes, but will brush you off if the same thing happens to you. A real friend is there for you just as much as you’re there for her.

2. A real friend makes time for you because she genuinely adores hanging out with you. A fake friend will only make plans with you if her other, “better” plans fall through. (PS: You’re totally better than her other plans!)

3. A real friend will help you look your hottest for a big night out. A fake friend will help you look hot—as long as she thinks she looks hotter.

4. If a fake friend asks you to help her move, she makes you do all the heavy lifting and then refuses to lift a finger when you ask her for the same favor in return. A real friend not only helps you move unasked, but also helps you pick out the best color paint for your walls—and has a painting party with you to get the work done!

5. If you say you need some space, a real friend will give it to you. A fake friend will either crowd your or start bad-mouthing you behind your back—or both.

6. If you've got a celeb crush, a real friend will help you meet him or her (even if it's Zac Efron and he looks like this). A fake friend will make fun of you.

7. A real friend will be there for the important moments in your life. A fake friend will try to make those moments all about her.

8. A real friend will encourage you in your dreams, no matter how crazy they sound. A fake friend will tell you, “That sounds great! But ...." and subtly sow seeds of doubt.

9. When you've broken up with a guy, a real friend will volunteer immediately to come over with ice cream, Kleenex and booze. A fake friend will suggest you calm down.

10. A real friend will lend you her expensive bag when you've got a big event coming up unasked. A fake friend will tell you where you can buy one like it.
11. A real friend will sit in the dressing while you try on a thousand pairs of jeans and encourage you until you find the right pair. A fake friend will tell you to shop online.

12. A real friend will not only sit with you through the thousandth time you've watched Dirty Dancing, she'll say the lines along with you. A fake friend will suggest a DIFFERENT MOVIE!

13. If you're going on a blind date and you're nervous, a real friend will be at the bar ahead of time to make sure you're okay. A fake friend will tell you to call and let her know how it went.

14. A real friend will totally not think it's crazy that you want to drive by his house just to see if he's home. A fake friend will call you a stalker.

15. A fake friend loves to hear all about your failures and disappointments. A real friend gives you a shoulder to cry on, but then reminds you about all the great things you've done -- and will go on to do.
16. A real friend will volunteer to come over and take care of your kitty while you're on vacation. A fake friend will suggest a cat-sitter.

17. A real friend can laugh now about the fights you've had in the past. A fake friend harbors resentment -- you know what we're talking about.

18. A real friend sends you links to articles she knows you'll love, or that reminds her or fun time you've had together. A fake friend only forwards you those passive-aggressive chain-letter emails!

19. A real friend would rather stab her eyes out than flirt with your boyfriend. A fake friend will laugh, "It's all in good fun!"

20. A fake friend is someone in your heart you know you wouldn't miss if you never saw her again. A real friend? She's the one you hope will grow old with you so you can be crazy little old ladies playing gin rummy and drinking martinis together!

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Progress Friday & Where I stopped by this week!

Hello beautiful people!
TGIF, innit? For once, I'm glad it's Friday (coz I usually dread having the hyenas at home on weekends!) because guess what? I finally got back to work this week. Yep, good, forthright, actual writing!
The madness of promo and guest posts and everyone falling sick with a cold (including me!) finally died down and I've been able to sit down with Transient Hearts for the past 2 days and make some progress on the word count. 4, 393 words in 2 mornings - not too shabby, innit? Quite stoked with myself!

It finally feels like I'm back in the driving seat of my life and my writing, not having some weird pumped-on-speed automatic pilot steering me this way and that and not bothering if I crash into the curb or slam into walls (kinda like those Advanced races on Need For Speed where you can't control anything and you end up crashing more than actually doing a race...?)

So hopefully I get to finish this WIP next week, when I plan to sit down every single day to write (hope I'm not jinxing myself here!). Still on track with the deadline for submitting this one, so all's well. Not perfect, mind you, but hey, I know it could be worse, so... beggars are not choosers, are they?
Looking forward to a not-too-crazy weekend now - and the new plan is to focus on doing the week's promo posts and interviews on Saturdays and send them off to their respective blog owners.

Speaking of weekly stops, check out where I've been this week!

Author Tory Michaels asked me over... and requested a character interview with Ash and Rayne from Before The Morning!
So I put these two in the hot seat - come see their answers to my rather-nosy questions!
A tidbit:

'... A few words with Ash Gilfoy – a London-based paramedic, and the hero of this book.

How do you feel regarding this interview?

So-so. Not too enthusiastic. (Grimaces) Okay, can we get this out of the way already? You asked me to the bloody Ritz, lady, and everyone knows I hate having to wear a tie!

*chuckles* It’ll soon be over, once I get the answers I’m looking for...

(watches the dapper-looking, Josh Holloway lookalike squirm in his seat, and loosen his silk tie and undo the collar button. What a fine specimen of male perfection... Anyhow, he’s not mine, so... *sigh*) ...'

Read the rest...

 

And author DB Moon (who I found out is a fellow shoeholic!!) invited me over to her blog for an in-depth interview! Come check it out.

A snippet:

'... If someone wrote a biography of your life, what would the title be?

How to be a headless chicken and still get everything done! ...'

The rest of the interview here...


Last but not least, the amazing Felicity Lennie, whom I met and befriended on Twitter, asked if I'd agree to become a Castaway on the Castataway Island of Books blog, and if I'd nominate a book for the island's bookshelves. Come see my turn on the Castaway Island!!

Little bit:

'... If you could choose any author to be your 'muse' or companion who would it be and why?

My bestie, author Natalie G. Owens. She’s my soul sister and my best friend, as well as my writing/brainstorming partner. We get on like a house on fire, and I’m sure we’d never run out of topics to talk about. J ...'

My Castaway Author Index card answers here!


Hope you all have a lovely weekend, peeps!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 1,000 Things You Didn't Know About Women (Part 5)

Hey peeps!

Time once again for the 'list'. Catch some more insight into the minds and thoughts of regular women out there.

Catch up with the initial posts in this series from here ... and if you want to read the full list in one go, head to the original post found on Esquire.com

So here we roll...

Enjoy!


*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.

No. 531: We love to cry, and we always feel better after a big sob fest. How much better? Pull down your pants. — Denise Marquez, 40, Rochester, N.Y.

No. 236: If something in your past will show up on a Google search, be prepared to explain it. — Julia Phillips, 39, Longmont, Colo.

No. 1000: We love you guys. — Stephanie Shaughnessy, 41, Pittsburgh

No. 193: Because we love security and fidelity, we also love love handles. Your six-pack anxiety only threatens us with the possibility you might care more about your abs than you care about us. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 658: Don't tease us. We're not your little sister. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 863: If we don't spend the night, don't give up on calling us back. We were probably just wearing Spanx. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 386: When we are truly angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. Neither will save you. —Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 274: Some of us keep imaginary tallies in our head. "He keeps Diet Coke at his apartment because he knows I love it: 5 points. He's liberal: 10 points. He brought me soup when I was sick: 15 points. He made banana pancakes: infinity points." Your kindness is noted, appreciated and will be rewarded. —Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago

No. 417: If it ever comes down to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft you have bigger issues than not understanding women. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 358: Loading the dishes without being asked — it means more than you know. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 789: Practice proper text message grammar. Abbreviations are okay. "LOL" is not. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 467: We like it when you have a lot of male friends. It means you can maintain a good relationship, like the one you have with us. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 439: We gauge how good a father you'll be by how you treat your family. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 562: We know our orgasms can be difficult. Just keep at it. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 574: Most successful men have a strong woman by his side. That would be us. —Amanda Allen, 24, Salt Lake City

No. 725: You have the power to make us feel like the only girl in the room. Use it wisely (and often). —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 343: Those times you remember the small details of our stories — like a random friend's name — is when we can tell you care. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 651: Never underestimate the power of a kiss on the forehead. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 317: When you challenge your lady to a game and lose, lose with a smile. Not with a broken tennis racket... for instance. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York

No. 697: Sometimes we think we're in love, and then we see your Facebook profile. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 259: Honestly, we don't mind watching hours of Grand Theft Auto if we feel included. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 330: Take us to Florence. But not in the summer. Too many tourists. —Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago

No. 105: A five-star restaurant is rarely better than eating cold pizza on the couch with you. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 158: We like it when you stand in the dressing room with us. And give compliments. —Molly Rosen, 33, Chicago

No. 127: "I love you." It's better when it's rare, spontaneous, and really meaningful. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 245: Women in their twenties may look good while doing it, but most of them are thinking about how they look while they're doing it. Which means they aren't thinking about what they are doing. After their twenties, we have learned that feeling good is better than looking good. We also know that right after we use our good stuff with you, we're going to get the cuddling all those twentysomethings are bitching about. —Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 993: Red, black, silky, leather, animal print — if any of these are adjectives that can be applied to your bedroom decor, we may still sleep over, but don't count on a call back. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 740: Buying us a candy bar is a surprising — and effective — gesture. Who doesn't like a candy bar? —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 289: A woman has certain spots that are for touching, squeezing, and pushing. These do not include her buttons. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York

No. 378: Girls like to whine. It's a fact. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 431: There is nothing sexier than following through. If you say you're going to do something, please do it. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 598: When we say we want to share a dessert, we really mean we want you to have just one bite and offer the rest to us. We were planning on eating the entire lava cake ourselves anyway, but this way we don't feel guilty. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 675: Keep in mind that we'll read any e-mail you might leave open on the computer. It's our nature. (And yours too, by the way.) —Leticia Frazao, 25, New York

No. 689: Please be the man we know and love, even when we're at a barbeque reunion with your frat brothers. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 399: Nothing is quite as comforting as a big, man hug. Safe, warm, firm, but yielding. —Danielle Maupai, 28, Green Pond, New Jersey

No. 849: If you want to impress a girl, tell her you've heard of Say Yes to the Dress and leave it at that. Your feelings about the show are not important. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 833: There are two acceptable forms of hair product for you: undetectable and nonexistent. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 710: We would rather take a hot-air balloon ride than grab drinks. If you don't have a hot-air balloon, just be creative. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 590: Even if we assure you we don't believe in Valentine's Day, buy the damn flowers. It couldn't be easier. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 597: We won't judge you for that occasional girly drink. Just be sure to give us a sip. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 858: Life gets so busy, sometimes it's nice to have someone to make choices for you. Even if it is just the Friday night movie. —Dani Ruiz, 22, Encinitas, California

No. 514: We do enjoy the gift of expensive jewelry. We just like to pick it out. —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 182: It's better when you make the effort to do simple things often than trying to make up for making no effort by doing something big and over-the-top. —Chantal Marchessault, 22, Gulfport, Florida

No. 307: Don't go to strip clubs. Just don't. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 530: When a woman brings you to a store to show you something on more than one occasion, do you think maybe she wants you to buy it for her? Maybe? —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 490: There is no excuse for you to buy us lingerie for our birthday, anniversary, and Valentine's Day, all in the same year. —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 822: Whistling of any kind tends to make us walk faster in the opposite direction. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 808: We can almost always tell how much porn you watch on a regular basis after sleeping with you the first time. Like, don't rip the panties off before getting to second base. Better to be vanilla than embarrassed. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 770: We can tell when the gift was purchased at the last minute. But we still like it. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 239: Your knowing the difference between stilettos and flats is totally adorable. —Chantal Marchessault, 22, Gulfport, Florida

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee