Time once again for the 'list'. Catch some more insight into the minds and thoughts of regular women out there.
Catch up with the initial posts in this series from here ... and if you want to read the full list in one go, head to the original post found on Esquire.com
So here we roll...
Enjoy!
*****
1,000
Things You Don't Know About Women
We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex,
relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years.
Four months after our special
issue devoted to women — and with continuing help
from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom.
Hope they help.
No. 531: We love to cry, and we
always feel better after a big sob fest. How much better? Pull down your pants.
— Denise Marquez, 40, Rochester, N.Y.
No. 236: If something in your
past will show up on a Google search, be prepared to explain it. — Julia
Phillips, 39, Longmont, Colo.
No. 1000: We love you guys. —
Stephanie Shaughnessy, 41, Pittsburgh
No. 193: Because we love
security and fidelity, we also love love handles. Your six-pack anxiety only
threatens us with the possibility you might care more about your abs than you
care about us. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 658: Don't tease us. We're
not your little sister. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 863: If we don't spend the
night, don't give up on calling us back. We were probably just wearing Spanx.
—Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 386: When we are truly
angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. Neither
will save you. —Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois
No. 274: Some of us keep
imaginary tallies in our head. "He keeps Diet Coke at his apartment
because he knows I love it: 5 points. He's liberal: 10 points. He brought me
soup when I was sick: 15 points. He made banana pancakes: infinity
points." Your kindness is noted, appreciated and will be rewarded.
—Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago
No. 417: If it ever comes down
to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft
you have bigger issues than not understanding women. —Brittany Brundage, 21,
Orem, Utah
No. 358: Loading the dishes
without being asked — it means more than you know. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24,
Louisville
No. 789: Practice proper text
message grammar. Abbreviations are okay. "LOL" is not. —Alexis
Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 467: We like it when you
have a lot of male friends. It means you can maintain a good relationship, like
the one you have with us. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville
No. 439: We gauge how good a
father you'll be by how you treat your family. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24,
Louisville
No. 562: We know our orgasms can
be difficult. Just keep at it. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville
No. 574: Most successful men
have a strong woman by his side. That would be us. —Amanda Allen, 24, Salt Lake
City
No. 725: You have the power to
make us feel like the only girl in the room. Use it wisely (and often). —Katie
Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 343: Those times you
remember the small details of our stories — like a random friend's name — is
when we can tell you care. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville
No. 651: Never underestimate the
power of a kiss on the forehead. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 317: When you challenge your
lady to a game and lose, lose with a smile. Not with a broken tennis racket...
for instance. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York
No. 697: Sometimes we think
we're in love, and then we see your Facebook profile. —Alexis Justman, 23, El
Centro, California
No. 259: Honestly, we don't mind
watching hours of Grand Theft Auto if we feel included. —Katie Holleran, 23,
Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 330: Take us to Florence.
But not in the summer. Too many tourists. —Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago
No. 105: A five-star restaurant
is rarely better than eating cold pizza on the couch with you. —Katie Holleran,
23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 158: We like it when you
stand in the dressing room with us. And give compliments. —Molly Rosen, 33,
Chicago
No. 127: "I love you."
It's better when it's rare, spontaneous, and really meaningful. —Katie
Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 245: Women in their twenties
may look good while doing it, but most of them are thinking about how they look
while they're doing it. Which means they aren't thinking about what they are
doing. After their twenties, we have learned that feeling good is better than
looking good. We also know that right after we use our good stuff with you,
we're going to get the cuddling all those twentysomethings are bitching about.
—Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois
No. 993: Red, black, silky,
leather, animal print — if any of these are adjectives that can be applied to
your bedroom decor, we may still sleep over, but don't count on a call back.
—Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 740: Buying us a candy bar
is a surprising — and effective — gesture. Who doesn't like a candy bar? —Katie
Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 289: A woman has certain
spots that are for touching, squeezing, and pushing. These do not include her
buttons. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York
No. 378: Girls like to whine.
It's a fact. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah
No. 431: There is nothing sexier
than following through. If you say you're going to do something, please do it.
—Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah
No. 598: When we say we want to
share a dessert, we really mean we want you to have just one bite and offer the
rest to us. We were planning on eating the entire lava cake ourselves anyway,
but this way we don't feel guilty. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York
No. 675: Keep in mind that we'll
read any e-mail you might leave open on the computer. It's our nature. (And
yours too, by the way.) —Leticia Frazao, 25, New York
No. 689: Please be the man we
know and love, even when we're at a barbeque reunion with your frat brothers.
—Aimee Couture, 22, New York
No. 399: Nothing is quite as
comforting as a big, man hug. Safe, warm, firm, but yielding. —Danielle Maupai,
28, Green Pond, New Jersey
No. 849: If you want to impress
a girl, tell her you've heard of Say Yes to the Dress and leave it at
that. Your feelings about the show are not important. —Jessica Brunelle, 22,
Boston
No. 833: There are two
acceptable forms of hair product for you: undetectable and nonexistent. —Alexis
Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 710: We would rather take a
hot-air balloon ride than grab drinks. If you don't have a hot-air balloon,
just be creative. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York
No. 590: Even if we assure you
we don't believe in Valentine's Day, buy the damn flowers. It couldn't be
easier. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California
No. 597: We won't judge you for
that occasional girly drink. Just be sure to give us a sip. —Aimee Couture, 22,
New York
No. 858: Life gets so busy,
sometimes it's nice to have someone to make choices for you. Even if it is just
the Friday night movie. —Dani Ruiz, 22, Encinitas, California
No. 514: We do enjoy the gift of
expensive jewelry. We just like to pick it out. —Danica Peterson, 22,
Providence
No. 182: It's better when you
make the effort to do simple things often than trying to make up for making no
effort by doing something big and over-the-top. —Chantal Marchessault, 22,
Gulfport, Florida
No. 307: Don't go to strip
clubs. Just don't. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts
No. 530: When a woman brings you
to a store to show you something on more than one occasion, do you think maybe
she wants you to buy it for her? Maybe? —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence
No. 490: There is no excuse for
you to buy us lingerie for our birthday, anniversary, and Valentine's Day, all
in the same year. —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence
No. 822: Whistling of any kind
tends to make us walk faster in the opposite direction. —Jessica Brunelle, 22,
Boston
No. 808: We can almost always
tell how much porn you watch on a regular basis after sleeping with you the
first time. Like, don't rip the panties off before getting to second base.
Better to be vanilla than embarrassed. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro,
California
No. 770: We can tell when the
gift was purchased at the last minute. But we still like it. —Jessica Brunelle,
22, Boston
No. 239: Your knowing the
difference between stilettos and flats is totally adorable. —Chantal
Marchessault, 22, Gulfport, Florida
*****
From Mauritius with love,
Zee