#HeartHop Why Heartbreakers Make The Best Heroes (& how you, the reader, can be featured in my upcoming series)

Hey beautiful people!

Absolutely delighted to be back on one of Carrie Ann's fantastic hops. And Heartbreakers... *swoon* Where do I sign up?

Seems like I'm not the only one with that wicked train of thought, because - get this! - there are about 300 participants in this hop! Nope, not kidding you. Check the hop's page and see for yourself.

Not only this - meaning like 300 giveaways, with one at every stop, there are also 3 fabulous Grand Prizes to win!

1st Grand Prize: A Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet

2nd Grand Prize: A $100 Amazon or B&N Gift Card

3rd Grand Prize: A Swag Pack that contains paperbacks, ebooks, 50+ bookmarks, cover flats, magnets, pens, coffee cozies, and more! (US only)

So what's the whole fuss about Heartbreakers, eh? How can a man who breaks a woman's heart be considered a hero?

Well, that's what it boils down to for me - a hero has to have the capacity to break the heroine's heart. Otherwise, he's not her hero, and he's not the love of her life.

Imagine a ho-hum guy with a written-in-stone routine who never notices when you've changed your hair colour from black to pink and shaved half your head in a faux-hawk. One day, he stands up and says, "I'm leaving."
You'd say, "Good riddance", innit? His leaving would totally not break your heart. Why? Because you never were in love with him, and he never seemed to love you or care enough to notice.

Now imagine a man who can, with a simple smile, turn your world upside down. A man who doesn't need to bring you flowers every day but shows his concern and feelings in more tangible ways. Like knowing you had an awful night so he wakes up early and takes the baby out on the run for your favourite coffee all so you can wake up to a great pick-me-up after getting some much needed shut-eye.

This man has the potential to break your heart, and you love him. You love for that, you love him because of that. He's your hero because he holds your heart, and he cares...


But what happens when the man you fall in love with really does break your heart... like Leila experiences in my latest 1NightStand romance, Once Upon A Second Chance.

This man saved her from a personal Hell and promised to love and cherish her. Through their short moments spent together, he's showed her he'll be her protector, that she's finally safe... And then he leaves without a word, Leila finding herself alone and not understanding what happened while trying to come to grips with living in a foreign country.

Does he redeem himself? Why did he leave?

Find out in Once Upon A Second Chance.

Leila Hassan Al-Nadir spent ten years in a forced, abusive marriage in the United Arab Emirates, before her husband divorced her... and another man stepped into his place to make her his wife. But before she can look at a future with this new man, he abandons her, dropping her off on the island of Mauritius in the care of his stepmother.

Khalid Al-Nadir wants nothing more than to be with Leila, his wife. But he hides a deep, dark secret – his intentions when he made her his weren’t noble. Despite falling in love with her in the end, he knows she will be better off without him.

Leila craves answers; Khalid desires salvation. Fate, in the form of Khalid’s stepmother, intervenes and sets this estranged couple up for a one night stand date with Madame Eve’s agency.

Can Leila and Khalid have a second chance, once they both face the truth that brought them together?

Genre: Multicultural/Interracial/Inspirational (Muslim) Contemporary Romance
Length: Short (45 pages/12,000 words)
Publisher: Decadent Publishing, LLC

Available on:

Amazon, Amazon UK, Decadent website, AllRomance Ebooks, Barnes & Noble (Nook), Smashwords


What do YOU think? Does the person you love have to have the capacity to break your heart, for it to be called love?

Answer in the comments, and don't forget to leave your email address! Both Carrie Ann and myself cannot enter you into the draw and contact you if you're the winner without it.

And what am I offering in my giveaway? I'm doing something different on this hop. Here it is:

I'm currently penning a contemporary series about 3 sisters set in a fictional little village in North Yorkshire, England. This place is the unofficial hiding place for most of the young, hunky, and eligible billionaires of England, with a ratio 3:1 where the male population v/s the female is concerned. Mecca of hot, handsome goodies up for the taking for all single gals out there, innit?

My giveaway - the winner gets to create a character in this village. Whether a hot, hunky, and eligible billionaire, or one of the lucky girls who gets to come there and pick her choice of rich and intelligent beefcake.
OR - winner gets to make a cameo in one of the books.

Don't forget to check the other participants in the hop. You can find the list with all their names here.

Thanks for dropping by today, peeps, and I hope you're having a great Friday and an even lovelier weekend.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 4 Things You Think Are Sexy, But Aren't... (& don't make your heroine do them!!!)

Hey beautiful peeps!

Lol, looks I'll really be able to do a whole week of posts, after all. Giddy feeling (which has been lingering since Monday, when I got some pubbing good news. More on that tomorrow!).

But yup - back on this Thursday with a new linked article. Browsing through my stash, I found this one and it called to me. Since last week, we went after 44 places where you can find eligible men, it comes to mind that you (or your heroine, in your book/s) will be doing everything you can to snatch up the attention of that elusive creature called the 'eligible bachelor'.
Somehow, can we end up doing too much...?

Seems the case. I mean, we've all been single at some point, and even in our relationships, there are times when we've wanted to come across as sexy to our partner. And with hindsight, you realize you've gone a little too far. How? Check out those 4 things that might clock us on the head as sexy (esp during brain-AWOL moments such as late partying nights or, even, a bad day!), but really aren't.

And trust me, after reading these, you'll at least kinda agree with these article authors... When I was younger, I've played the helpless princess too many times to count, and it's a wonder how my man has not simply dumped me for being such a brat. He must have the patience of a saint (or be really in love... I'll settle for that, lol).

Article came from Betty Confidential, written by Elizabeth Marie, posted in and around August 2012. Find the whole thing online here.

*****

4 Things You Think Are Sexy That Really Aren't

 

Sometimes what with think is a sexy turn-on is actually a major turn-off!

Have you ever thought you were being so ultra sexy and alluring, only to look back days, weeks or months later and cringe, thinking “WHAT was I thinking?” We have too, so we've compiled a short list of the common things women do that they think are sexy, but just...aren't!

1. Showing all your skin at once.

Sometimes women get a bit overly excited when choosing what to wear, or more specifically, what not to wear and we think it's a genius idea to wear the tiniest articles of clothing in our closets if we want to attract a man. I think it's because we all saw the movie Clueless one too many times and really took it to heart when Cher said, "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex." While, yeah sure, it's always fun if the guy you have a crush on thinks of sex when he see's you, but you're more than sex; You're funny and interesting and fun to talk to and make a damn good omelet. Don't blind him with so much skin that he forgets all the important stuff.

2. Sexting.

Does this word make anyone else wildly uncomfortable? I mean, we're adults right? And we're having sex...via text message? Ok, got it. Texting is probably the number one form of communication these days, which is a whole other depressing topic, but of course we couldn't leave well enough alone...we had to go and spice it up and turn it sexual! The thing is though, if you're dating someone and like, actually see them or talk to them all the time, what does a hot sexting session bring to the table? Not to mention, my iPhone likes to embarrass me on a daily basis with it's absurd auto corrects, and that's just when I'm texting my best friend. If you've gotta get your rocks off and you're not with your man, get thee on Skype and at least see each other while you tell him all the naughty things you'd do to him if he were there. Or just go read Fifty Shades Of Grey like every other pent up woman in the world!

3. Body oil…everywhere.

When I was growing up, I'd sit at my grandmothers vanity for hours, mesmerized by her collection of beautiful bottles and jars from Charles of the Ritz, Chanel and Escada....and Neutrogena. Neutrogena light sesame body oil, to be precise. For my entire life I believed that body oil was something very glamorous and a must-have if I wanted to be a beautiful woman with the softest skin in all of the land. Um, you guys? That crap gets everywhere! You can't get dressed for an hour after you put it on, and sometimes at the gym later on in the day I'll look down and realize I'm glistening...and not in a sexy way, more like a “holy crap I look like a disco ball exploded” way. Sure, it makes your skin soft, but what's the point if your man can't touch you for hours after you put it on? My advice? Jergens. Not glamorous, not sticky.

4. Acting helpless.

Isn't it so hot when you're in a time of need and a sexy man swoops in and rescues you? It feels good to feel protected and taken care of, so good in fact that some women pretend to need rescuing when they really don't. Getting a flat tire on the freeway during rush hour is an emergency, and calling your boyfriend in tears is perfectly acceptable. Forgetting to put gas in your car and complaining that you have no way to get to work in the morning is completely unacceptable. Sure, guys love helping their girl out, but they don't want the two following things to happen:

1. They begin to feel taken for granted and used and

2. They begin to realize that the woman they've been dating can't take care of herself. So let him save your day from time to time... just not everyday.

Elizabeth Marie is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site and maintains their popular We Love Dates blog. Liz can be found sweating it out at her favorite hot yoga studio or laying on her couch watching copious amounts of reality television. One of those things is not like the other. Keep in touch with We Love Dates on Facebook or Twitter!

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 15 Ways To Stay Married For 15 Years

Hey peeps!

Been a while since I last posted a Link Thursday article. It was in my best intentions to have one up every week, though, ... and since a few of you have let me know you'd love to see this coming back, well I am obliging. *grin* There should be a Link Thursday post every week now (or else feel free to come stalk me until I get a post up!).

That being said... I was faced with the eternal blogging question - What to post??? Then the answer happened while I was on Pinterest this morning. Saw a lovely pic, but it's the title and link that had me intrigued.

15 ways to stay married for 15 years... and apparently, the advice was true-to-life and not pulled out of thin air. Decided to check it out, and couldn't believe how much I was nodding all the way through.

Hubby and I are going on 11 years here. It's been full of ups and downs and lots of broken china, but the absolute certainty is that we're in this together, for better or worse, us against the world. Funnily enough, the things I have come to realize in the decade we have shared so far all strike very close to home to what the author of this article states.

When I got married, I was 19. I thought I knew everything, like youngsters usually do. More than once, I've nearly wrecked my marriage through my own fault because I felt entitled to this or that and stuff and feelings he owed me.

But that's not how it works! He owes me nothing except for the vows he took - to love, honour, and cherish, through sickness and health (and boy, has that one been put to the test!), poverty and riches, etc, etc. I not only shouldn't expect flowers on Valentine's Day or our anniversary (they would be lovely, but trust my hubby to forget!), but the point of an ongoing marriage is that you don't need flowers on V-Day/Anniversary to make it work.

Lydia Netzer who posted the original article says it all so well - I'll let you read on & come to the same conclusion I reached once I grew up and realised it was all in my hands!

The original article is by Lydia Netzer; however, I grabbed it off the GirlsGuideTo site, post penned by Katie Ostoich (link on the article title below).

Enjoy!

*****

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

posted by: Katie Ostoich
at 9:44pm on: July 5, 2012

So the world is blowing up with all the details of Katie and Tom's failed marriage and all that that entails. When I was sinlge, I devoured details of celebrity divorces. The scandal! The intrigue! Now that I'm married, it kinda just makes me sad. I hate when that ever popular 50% stat is proven right. So whenever I start to get a little down about my own relationship or the state of marriages in general, I pull up what is probably my most favorite piece of writing on the internet. I know, that's a bold statement. But it's true. Author Lydia Netzer has been married for 15 years. She and her husband aren't experts on marriage, just their own, and you can tell they are super proud of their relationship and totally still in love.

As Lydia says, she and her husband Dan got married when they were 25 years old. I love her self decprication: "Looking back I’m surprised we didn’t, as 25 year olds, self-destruct just for the heck of it. Now that we are older, we are perhaps surprisingly also wiser." Trust me, they are definitely wiser.

Here are the things they have learned over the years, that helped them stay married and -- gasp! -- even happy for fifteen years. (Beyond that, she says you’re on your own. She can’t promise another 15.) Their list does not resemble the one you will find in Cosmo or Ladies’ Home Journal. She says they have never had a regular date night, nor do they prioritize “communication” or play sex games or see a therapist. He doesn’t bring her flowers every Thursday, she doesn’t cook his favorite food very often. But they do have some other ideas. Here they are in Lydia and Dan's own words!

1. Go to bed mad.The old maxim that you shouldn’t go to bed mad is stupid. Sometimes you need to just go to freakin’ bed. “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase “Be angry and sin not.” So, who’s to say it doesn’t mean “Stay angry, bitches. Don’t let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours.” Seriously. Whoever interpreted this to mean that you should stay up after midnight, tear-stained and petulant, trying to iron out some kind of overtired and breathy accord -- was stupid. Shut up, go to bed, let your husband get some sleep. In the morning, eat some pancakes. Everything will seem better, I swear.

2. Laugh if you can.In any fight, there is one person who is really mad, and one person who isn’t that mad. That person should deflect the fight. Make a joke, do something stupid or corny, make the other person laugh. If the fight is very serious for you and you feel like you really want to plant your flag and die on this hill, fine. Do it. But if you’re fighting for entertainment, or because you’re just reacting, then you be the one to deflect. Fights are bad. Deflecting a fight whenever possible is a good idea. When you’re the one who’s being pissy and raw, and the other person helps you get out of it and brings about peace, that feels fantastic. This was a hard lesson to learn, for me. Letting Dan deflect a fight is the best thing, now. He does it really well.

3. Don’t criticize. Ever.Here is a fact: Whatever critical thing that you are about to say to your wife is already being loudly articulated in her head. And if it’s true, she already feels like crap about it. Assuming you married someone intelligent enough to like you and sane enough to let you put a ring on it, trust that they are self-aware enough to know when they screwed up. It may feel good to you in that moment to say the critical thing, let it go ringing through the air in all its sonorous correctness, but it will feel awful to hear it. The only, only way it’s beneficial to give your wife criticism of any kind is if you’re absolutely positive she is completely unaware. And you better find the nicest, kindest way possible to tell her. And even then, good luck convincing her. Their recognition of the thing you are helpfully trying to point out will be INHIBITED, not facilitated, by your criticism. And then you’re the asshole. So be careful.

4. Be the mirror.Your husband is the mirror in which you see yourself. And the things you say to him give him an image of himself too, which he will believe. You want him to believe it, so make it good. Be a mirror that reflects something positive: you’re smart, you’re successful, you’re fantastic in the sack, you’re a great provider, you’re the best. Can you MAKE him any of these things just by telling him he is? I don’t know, but consider this: the alternative really sucks. The things my husband says to me are 1000 times more convincing than anyone else’s opinion on earth. Don’t think he won’t believe you because you’re married and you’re contractually obligated to say nice things. He’ll believe the shitty, insulting things you say, and the gloriously positive things.

5. Be proud and brag.Let your spouse hear you talking about them in glowing terms to other people. Be foolish. Be obvious. It will mean everything. You will stay married forever.

6. Do your own thing.Dan races bicycles. I write books. I don’t race bicycles or have any desire to race bicycles. He doesn’t write books, nor does he even read the books that I write. Seriously. And I don’t care. My opinion is that he’s the fastest, coolest most awesome bike racer ever. His opinion is that I’m the bestest, coolest writer ever. We don’t have to know all about cycling or writing in order to form these opinions -- in fact knowledge of literature or actually reading my book might damage Dan’s opinion of me as “best writer since the dawn of time.” We can still support each other without being all up in the other person’s stuff. Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that the other person has no idea, really, about, is awesome. It allows your spouse to be your cheerleader, uncomplicated by knowledge or personal investment. And it means you’ll always have stuff to talk about, because you’re not overlapping all the time. You don’t have to read the same books either. You don’t have to have the same friends.

7. Have kids.Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.

8. Get really good at sex.You’ve got all the time in the world to get really really good, not just at sex in general, but at having sex with your one particular husband. You should make it your life’s mission to become the perfect sex machine exactly for him. And he for you. There is no reason to hold back, or be embarrassed, or not ask questions, and get everything working properly. There’s absolutely no excuse for letting years drag on without becoming fully skilled, gifted sex partners for each other. It makes everything so much better. Does talking about this make you uncomfortable? How uncomfortable would it make you to know that your spouse is secretly, silently “just okay” with your sexual performance? Yeah. You want to last fifteen years, remember? That’s a long time to be mildly happy.

9. Move.Live in different houses. In different parts of the country. Travel. Make it so that you can look back and divide up your life into the years you spent in different cities, or different houses. If you’re feeling stuck geographically or physically, you can confuse yourself into thinking you’re stuck romantically. See your husband in different places, in different contexts, in different countries even. Try it. Take him to a mountaintop and give him another look. Pretty sexy. Take him to a new city and check out his profile. Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to change personally, or let your wife change as a person. Don’t worry about “growing apart.” Be brave and evolve. Become completely different. Don’t gather moss. Stagnation is unattractive.

10. Stop thinking temporarily.Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in “ifs” and “thens” even when you’ve publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won’t tolerate it. If I do this, he’ll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn’t pay more attention. It’s natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can get go of the idea that marriage is temporary, and will end if certain awful conditions are met, the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it’s absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you’re going to stay with him. He’s going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the “what if”s and “in case of”s.

11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious. Don’t ass around with a “hall pass” or a “harmless flirtation.” Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end. Don’t put your feet on a path that could lead someplace bad.

12. Make a husband pact with your friends.The husband pact says this: I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more. The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don’t really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this.

13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.This is one I did read somewhere in a magazine, and it’s totally true. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will. If you’re a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.

14. Be loyal.All the crap you read in magazines about honesty, sense of humor, communication, sensitivity, date nights, couples weekends, blah blah blah can be trumped by one word: loyalty. You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules. This is okay. The team is not adversarial, the team does not tear its members down, the team does not sabotage the team’s success. Teammates work constantly to help and better their teammates. Loyalty means you put the other person in your marriage first all the time, and you let them put you first. Loyalty means subverting your whims or desires of the moment to better meet your spouse’s whims or desires, with the full understanding and expectation that they will be doing the same. This is the heart of everything, and it is a tricky balance. Sometimes it sways one way and some the other. Sometimes he gets to be crazy, sometimes it’s your turn. Sometimes she’s in the spotlight, sometimes you. Ups and downs, ultimately, don’t matter because the team endures.

15. Trust the person you married.For two people who are trying to help each other, it can almost be harder to let the other person help you than it is to be the one who’s helping. It can be harder to let the other person deflect the fight than to be the one deflecting. It can be harder to believe that your husband is fully committed to a lifetime of marriage than to commit yourself. Harder to change yourself than to let the other person change. Harder to be loved than to love. Weird, but true. I’m saying this to everyone who’s newly married, and to myself: trust that person. Love them completely and let them love you. If it all goes to seed, it’s going to hurt either way. Better to have gone into it full throttle. Full throttle marriage is a thrilling ride.

This list is simply the best marriage advice I’ve ever read. It closely resembles a lot of what my parents live, and they are the best example of a happy marriage I’ve ever known. Like I said, I read this list often…do you agree with me that this is such smart advice? Do you do these 15 things with your husband or significant other?

{Lydia Netzer’s original article, complete with adorable pictures!}

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 7 Ways To Tell If He's A Good Match Or Not

Hey beautiful people!

I'm having a crazy somewhat-delusional week (yes, somebody please fling the dreaded H word. You know, it goes like h-o-r-m-o-n-blahblahblah) and I badly need a laugh, or at least, a chuckle. Figured you too could use one, so here we go for this week's linked post.

I suppose we all already know the following info, but it never hurts to stress the point. :) And yes, there's a chuckle or two in there. I'll settle for that right now.

Don't forget - authors: do not template your hero off this Bad Match list. Real gals: these are the signs you need to look out for where Mr. Possibly Right is concerned.

The article can be viewed in its original form online here.

Enjoy!

***

7 Ways to Tell If He's a Good Match - Or Not

 

How can you tell whether he's a good match for you? We've got seven ways to help you figure it out. Get those smartphones ready!

Updated on July 16, 2012, 9:11 am ET

By The Betty Editors

Dating in the digital age sure can get complicated, can’t it? People used to complain about having to wait by the phone -- at least they didn’t have to try to decipher text-message, glean the hidden meaning behind Facebook updates, and get rejected before even meeting each other in person!

What’s a gal to do? Have no fear: We can help! We’ve put together a handy-dandy guide of seven tech-savvy ways you can your technology to tell if you’re latest guy is a good match—or if you should give him a good, old-fashioned kick to the curb.

1. Good match: He looks like his online dating profile photo! Bad match: His photo looks like Brad Pitt; he looks like Mr. Bean.

2. Good match: On a date, he only texts to let you know he’s on his way. Bad match: He texts other people all the way through your date.

3. Good match: He uses his smartphone to actually call you. Bad match: He never turns off the ringer, and answers his smartphone constantly ... no matter WHAT you're doing!

4. Good match: His phone has apps for great date suggestions like Picksies and he asks you your opinion. Bad match: He has the Fake Girlfriend app.

5. Good match: He uses Facebook to show off adorable pics of the two of you. Bad match: He uses Facebook to keep track of his exes, upload embarrassing photos of you, and/or get tagged in pics with other girls.

6. Good match: He's interested in your Pinterest boards (even the ones about cupcakes and overly intricate nail art). Bad match: He's competitive about your Pinterest boards and is trying out "pin" you.

7. Good match: If he's out and spots something cute, he sends you a photo of the puppy or kitten or funny sign he sees. Bad match: He accidentally includes you on a mass text forward of Octomom's latest pin-up photo.

Happy dating!

XO

***

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 1,000 Things You Didn't Know About Women (Part 5)

Hey peeps!

Time once again for the 'list'. Catch some more insight into the minds and thoughts of regular women out there.

Catch up with the initial posts in this series from here ... and if you want to read the full list in one go, head to the original post found on Esquire.com

So here we roll...

Enjoy!


*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.

No. 531: We love to cry, and we always feel better after a big sob fest. How much better? Pull down your pants. — Denise Marquez, 40, Rochester, N.Y.

No. 236: If something in your past will show up on a Google search, be prepared to explain it. — Julia Phillips, 39, Longmont, Colo.

No. 1000: We love you guys. — Stephanie Shaughnessy, 41, Pittsburgh

No. 193: Because we love security and fidelity, we also love love handles. Your six-pack anxiety only threatens us with the possibility you might care more about your abs than you care about us. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 658: Don't tease us. We're not your little sister. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 863: If we don't spend the night, don't give up on calling us back. We were probably just wearing Spanx. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 386: When we are truly angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. Neither will save you. —Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 274: Some of us keep imaginary tallies in our head. "He keeps Diet Coke at his apartment because he knows I love it: 5 points. He's liberal: 10 points. He brought me soup when I was sick: 15 points. He made banana pancakes: infinity points." Your kindness is noted, appreciated and will be rewarded. —Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago

No. 417: If it ever comes down to picking between spending time with your girl and playing World of Warcraft you have bigger issues than not understanding women. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 358: Loading the dishes without being asked — it means more than you know. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 789: Practice proper text message grammar. Abbreviations are okay. "LOL" is not. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 467: We like it when you have a lot of male friends. It means you can maintain a good relationship, like the one you have with us. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 439: We gauge how good a father you'll be by how you treat your family. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 562: We know our orgasms can be difficult. Just keep at it. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 574: Most successful men have a strong woman by his side. That would be us. —Amanda Allen, 24, Salt Lake City

No. 725: You have the power to make us feel like the only girl in the room. Use it wisely (and often). —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 343: Those times you remember the small details of our stories — like a random friend's name — is when we can tell you care. —Alexandria Pruitt, 24, Louisville

No. 651: Never underestimate the power of a kiss on the forehead. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 317: When you challenge your lady to a game and lose, lose with a smile. Not with a broken tennis racket... for instance. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York

No. 697: Sometimes we think we're in love, and then we see your Facebook profile. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 259: Honestly, we don't mind watching hours of Grand Theft Auto if we feel included. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 330: Take us to Florence. But not in the summer. Too many tourists. —Rhiannon Falzone, 26, Chicago

No. 105: A five-star restaurant is rarely better than eating cold pizza on the couch with you. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 158: We like it when you stand in the dressing room with us. And give compliments. —Molly Rosen, 33, Chicago

No. 127: "I love you." It's better when it's rare, spontaneous, and really meaningful. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 245: Women in their twenties may look good while doing it, but most of them are thinking about how they look while they're doing it. Which means they aren't thinking about what they are doing. After their twenties, we have learned that feeling good is better than looking good. We also know that right after we use our good stuff with you, we're going to get the cuddling all those twentysomethings are bitching about. —Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 993: Red, black, silky, leather, animal print — if any of these are adjectives that can be applied to your bedroom decor, we may still sleep over, but don't count on a call back. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 740: Buying us a candy bar is a surprising — and effective — gesture. Who doesn't like a candy bar? —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 289: A woman has certain spots that are for touching, squeezing, and pushing. These do not include her buttons. —Michelle Schindler, 25, New York

No. 378: Girls like to whine. It's a fact. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 431: There is nothing sexier than following through. If you say you're going to do something, please do it. —Brittany Brundage, 21, Orem, Utah

No. 598: When we say we want to share a dessert, we really mean we want you to have just one bite and offer the rest to us. We were planning on eating the entire lava cake ourselves anyway, but this way we don't feel guilty. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 675: Keep in mind that we'll read any e-mail you might leave open on the computer. It's our nature. (And yours too, by the way.) —Leticia Frazao, 25, New York

No. 689: Please be the man we know and love, even when we're at a barbeque reunion with your frat brothers. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 399: Nothing is quite as comforting as a big, man hug. Safe, warm, firm, but yielding. —Danielle Maupai, 28, Green Pond, New Jersey

No. 849: If you want to impress a girl, tell her you've heard of Say Yes to the Dress and leave it at that. Your feelings about the show are not important. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 833: There are two acceptable forms of hair product for you: undetectable and nonexistent. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 710: We would rather take a hot-air balloon ride than grab drinks. If you don't have a hot-air balloon, just be creative. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 590: Even if we assure you we don't believe in Valentine's Day, buy the damn flowers. It couldn't be easier. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 597: We won't judge you for that occasional girly drink. Just be sure to give us a sip. —Aimee Couture, 22, New York

No. 858: Life gets so busy, sometimes it's nice to have someone to make choices for you. Even if it is just the Friday night movie. —Dani Ruiz, 22, Encinitas, California

No. 514: We do enjoy the gift of expensive jewelry. We just like to pick it out. —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 182: It's better when you make the effort to do simple things often than trying to make up for making no effort by doing something big and over-the-top. —Chantal Marchessault, 22, Gulfport, Florida

No. 307: Don't go to strip clubs. Just don't. —Katie Holleran, 23, Winchester, Massachusetts

No. 530: When a woman brings you to a store to show you something on more than one occasion, do you think maybe she wants you to buy it for her? Maybe? —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 490: There is no excuse for you to buy us lingerie for our birthday, anniversary, and Valentine's Day, all in the same year. —Danica Peterson, 22, Providence

No. 822: Whistling of any kind tends to make us walk faster in the opposite direction. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 808: We can almost always tell how much porn you watch on a regular basis after sleeping with you the first time. Like, don't rip the panties off before getting to second base. Better to be vanilla than embarrassed. —Alexis Justman, 23, El Centro, California

No. 770: We can tell when the gift was purchased at the last minute. But we still like it. —Jessica Brunelle, 22, Boston

No. 239: Your knowing the difference between stilettos and flats is totally adorable. —Chantal Marchessault, 22, Gulfport, Florida

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women (Part 4)

Hey peeps!

Continuing once again with this list I started a few weeks ago. Women are full of insights about themselves, and what being a woman, especially in a relationship, is all about. Read on for some amazing tidbits from the mouths of women like you and me. Get your guys to listen, and authors - take a peek at how to make your heroine more 'real'.

You can view the last post from this series here (and grab the links to prior posts)... or you can go straight to the original list with its 1,000 tidbits from the Esquire.com website.

Enjoy!

*****

1,000 Things You Don't Know About Women

We asked the women in our lives to share their secrets about sex, relationships, and what we've been doing wrong (and right) all these years. Four months after our special issue devoted to women — and with continuing help from you on Twitter — we've reached a thousand pieces of wisdom. Hope they help.

No. 20: Putting your hand on the small of a woman's back is as potent and powerful as buying her two drinks. Just so long as you know the girl. Otherwise it's just weird. — Anna Ferguson, 27, St. Simons, Georgia

No. 78: Presentation counts. Wrap your gift and iron your shirt. — Merritt Watts, 25, New York

No. 88: We find your inability to ask for directions or go to the doctor every bit as bewildering as you find our inability to pass by a shoe sale. — Pat Morrissey, 50, Shamong, New Jersey

No. 442: For special occasions, it's the effort of taking us out that matters most, not where we end up going. Unless it's a McDonalds drive-thru. — Carly Hansen, 22, Santa Barbara, California

No. 934: A deep voice. And some stubble. — Amanda Rawson, 22, Worcester, Massachusetts

No. 12: We like wearing your pants. Not wearing "the pants" — wearing your actual pants. They fit better. — Stacey Berman, 22, Brooklyn

No. 567: You think lesbians are hot; we think gay guys are willing to shop, clean up after themselves, and keep up on gossip. You have your fantasies; we have ours. — Katharine Francis, 28, Lafayette, California

No. 124: Electronics clipped to your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man who needs them to save lives, not send e-mail. — Rachel Sturtz, 28, New York

No. 900: There are pretty much no conditions under which sporting a soul patch is attractive. A trumpet virtuoso might be able to carry it off, but even he looks like he's hiding something small but terrible. — Katy Steinmetz, 25, Washington, D.C.

No. 205: We don't like it when you put your hands on our waists. You're not supposed to know about our Spanx. You're just supposed to think our tummies look that flat naturally. Mind your business. — Kirsten Hall, 35, New York

No. 400: Pay attention to the sides. The sides of her face. The sides of her breasts. The sides of her torso. The sides of her hips. The sides of her thighs. A woman's body is not a set of three or four important dots connected by unimportant skin. — Elspeth Golden, 44, San Francisco

No. 17: You court with flowers; we court with a higher frequency of waxing treatments. — Staci Brinkman, 27, Dallas

No. 325: We love the un-expected kiss. Especially the one when you stop us midsentence and make us forget what the hell we were talking about in the first place. — Stephanie Mitchell, 41, Dayton

No. 4: The baby talk is strange if there is no baby around. — Chontelle Matthews, 26, Bowie, Maryland

No. 671: Please do not ever, ever let us see you naked if you are still wearing your socks. — Pat Dunnigan, 47, Chicago

No. 722: Make your bed every day and change the sheets once a week. That vague goatlike smell guys get will remind us of our brother, and you will be sleeping alone. — Melinda Meggyesy, 31, Seattle

No. 356: Please remember that if we hang out with a bunch of guys, it doesn't make us one. — Christina Raine, 20, Richmond, California

No. 820: If the world were a beach, we would want you to throw us in the ocean and then protect us from the waves. — Krista Iovino, 32, New York

No. 501: We don't want a man more polished than us. Slightly wrinkled and smelling a bit of sweat and a bar of soap? Fantastic. — Christine Siltanen, 38, Portland, Oregon

No. 72: Lending us books is one of the most romantic things you can do. — Jessica Wakeman, 26, Bayonne, New Jersey

No. 100: We don't need special moves. Just do the regular ones right. — Katie Dinardo, 23, Brooklyn

No. 46: Don't use our makeup. — Maryann Fitzgerald, 47, Los Angeles

No. 11: We like our heroes flawed. That way, they can rescue us, but it gives us room to rescue them, too. — Beth Young Margulies, 36, Bethesda, Maryland

No. 63: The most chivalrous thing a man can do is let you have the last piece of bacon. — Sung-Hee Park, 30, New York

No. 204: We don't want to wear our bra more than you want to see us not wearing our bra. — Whitney Webb, 22, Blacksburg, Virginia

No. 318: We want to see you cry every once in a while-it makes you human. To find out how often is acceptable, divide the number of cries by the number of no-holds-barred, screaming orgasms you've given us. If the quotient is greater than 0.25, you're a whiny bitch. — Carrie Dienhart, 34, Kansas City, Missouri

No. 605: You only get to ask once about the threesome. — Crystal Taub, 34, Baltimore

No. 559: Please notice and comment on our choice of fragrance. We paid a lot for that teeny bottle of Chanel. — Hanady Kader, 25, Seattle

No. 801: We play with our boobs. Who wouldn't? Even though we complain about them, they're still fun. — Kelly Heintz, 23, Fresno, California

No. 48: When we say that nothing is wrong, we mean that you should know what is wrong without us having to tell you. — Lara Ehrlich, 28, Chicago

No. 3: Please don't write us poetry or compose us music. Unless writing is actually part of your job description, like if you are Tom Waits. — Brenna Ehrlich, 25, Brooklyn

No. 92: We don't want to get married tomorrow, either. There are a lot of celebrities we want to bang before we settle down. — Kelsey Allen, 21, Columbia, Missouri

No. 483: We don't like it when you pull your shirt off from the front. Be a man and pull it over your head from the back. — Molly Rosen, 33, New York

No. 915: We rarely ask a question we don't already know the answer to. So, we know you don't think she's hotter than us, or we wouldn't ask. — Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois

No. 50: No, it's not all right that you didn't plan anything for our birthday even though we told you not to. — Carla Michelle Coley, 24, Washington, D. C.

No. 8: If you are making out with a girl and she didn't shave her legs, you have great game. At the beginning of the night, she wasn't planning on doing anything. — Janna Johnson, 24, New York

No. 23 We want you to never stop hunting us. Even if we married you. Remember why you got the gig. Don't make the trailer the only fun in the whole production. That's misleading. — Avril Dell, 46, Toronto

No. 744: Don't comment on our driving. There's a reason your insurance is more expensive. — Diane Vadnal, 20, Des Plaines, Illinois

No. 659: Know how to go to a nice restaurant and dine. Eating and talking together is phenomenal foreplay. — Joanna Breger, 36, Wilmington, Delaware

No. 77: We want you to think we are pretty. Every now and then, when we get all fixed up, act for a minute like we make it hard for you to breathe. — Shannon Purvis, 45, Novato, California

No. 516: We look into your minds by reading your magazines. — Lisa Alva, 49, Los Angeles

No. 668: Please don't splay your legs on the bus, subway, or airplane. We know you don't need all that space. Don't flatter yourself. — Grace Zerzan, 27, New York

No. 447: Sometimes, we just want to make out on the couch like we're back in high school. That includes your hands wandering and everything. — Kim Melton, 23, Albuquerque

No. 814: Most of us have considered a threesome. Just not with our boyfriends. — Melanie Smeltzer, 22, Phoenix

No. 15: It's not always chocolate or a foot massage. Sometimes it's Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. — Caitlin Goldin, 24, Charlottesville, Va.

No. 61: If it's cold, put on gloves. Your balls are not a hand warmer. — Jennifer Wallerstein, 26, New York

No. 40: We think you're high maintenance, too. — Naomi Pabon-Figueroa, 25, Pittsburgh

No. 705: Men don't understand a woman's obsession with celebrity gossip — who's pregnant, who's getting divorced, who made a fool of themselves. It makes us feel better about ourselves. — Cassidy Parker, 25, Brooklyn

No. 39 Panties is a guy word. We call it underwear. — Elisa Benson, 26, New York

No. 5: We don't have penises. When we're fondling away, some encouragement and direction is appreciated. When we direct you as you're spelunking nether-ward on our bodies, don't be offended — be grateful we're preventing you from losing all use of your thumb for a week. — Beth Carswell, 32, Victoria, British Columbia

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee