Link Thursday: Raising A Girl - 16 Things You Wish You'd Known

Hey peeps!

Sorry for yesterday - Blogger would not let me in! I had this post lined up about letting your readers down; guess I'll have to post it another Wednesday now.
And if it's not one thing, it's the other. Today, Twitter won't let me in, giving me it's huge whale picture instead. Growing tired of seeing that one!

Kitchen Klutz' Recipes: Chicken Fajita Salad

Sorry, my camera doesn't have great resolution
But this is what the salad looks like :)

Hey beautiful people!

For a long time, I didn't know how to cook. Yes, I could whip up something so the blokes wouldn't starve, but I didn't know how to go about cooking and making dishes, etc. That's how I used to term myself an undomestic goddess, especially in the kitchen.

Have you failed your readers?

Hey beautiful people!

Lol - strange to find me posting on a Monday, eh? I'm asking myself the same question...and I'll give you the answer in a few paragraphs (bear with me).

I remember I used to post every Monday, and every day of the work week, for that matter. When did this stop? Sometime about a year or a little more ago (I recall my last Random Thoughts Monday posting because I upped the post late. We'd needed to take kiddo to the dentist, and on the way there, we blew a tyre on the car. While we'd brought it to the garage to get a new tyre, super thunderstorms unleashed on the town. And it was our old car, the Suzuki Alto, which we sold last year in April for the Chevrolet Aveo we now own).

Catching Up & musings about my 2013 release schedule!

Hey beautiful people!

Funny how I find myself with some time on my hands when the hyenas are on break. I usually go nuts and all kinds of crazy haywire when they're at home, but this time, I tried to clear my sked a bit to be able to spend some time with them.

Not that I've managed to, really... I mean, I've arranged my schedule to fit everything I need to do within the hours when the kiddo is at school, and though on the whole I've accomplished my goals, I still find myself with a full plate at times.

That's what happens when your work is more akin to freelancing than having a set 9-5 jobs. As an editor, I don't really control when a project will land in my lap, and then I also depend on the author I am editing to stick to a certain schedule/deadline and the two of us need to work together. And most of the time, an editor is not working exclusively on one project, which means she'll be free when the work has returned to the author - there are other projects vying for attention in that time frame.

Not to mention that I find myself with a hectic publishing schedule this year. Lol, not that I'm complaining, but the work of an author doesn't stop when the book has been written and contracted. Then start the edits, which can get quite taxing and time-consuming (esp when you have other jobs to fit in, too)... and you also have promo and social media and all that lovely hoopla. Thank goodness I am a social butterfly who loves to keep in touch and maintain relationships; otherwise I'd be a basket case.

But publishing schedule, here's what mine is looking like right now:

May - Inescapable, Book1 of Eternelles with Natalie G. Owens

July - The Other Side, Book 1 of the Island Girls Trilogy with Decadent Publishing

September - Light My World, Book 2 of Island Girls

October - Indomitable, Book2 of Eternelles

November - Winds of Change, Book 3 of Island Girls

In the middle of all this, I suppose Transient Hearts (Western Escape with Decadent) will come out, too. I still don't have a release frame for that title.

And I'm trying to score a release for a Christmas story, which will (hopefully) mean that December will have a release, too.

Busy bee, eh? But that's how I love it! I mean, I've been writing for 8 years, and it's now that I'm really feeling like an author with a release schedule. Like, I know where I'm going and what to do to get there.

Feels quite spiffy, actually... *grin*

Oh, and speaking of releases, I realize I haven't posted my latest cover here. My FB peeps and Twitter followers have prolly already seen this one, but to you my blog viewers, here it is (along with my apologies for being so late with this reveal).

Isn't this one a beauty? The designer, Valerie Tibbs of Tibbs Design, created the dreamy perfection I wanted to showcase in this cover. The models look pretty much exactly how Lara & Eric look like (Eric is slightly more blond,actually). But the whole effect is just perfect!

Here's the blurb for you, in case you have no clue what I'm referring to here!

Divorce paints a scarlet letter on her back when she returns to the culture-driven society of Mauritius. But this same spotlight shines as a beacon of hope for the man who never stopped loving her. Can the second time around be the right one for these former teenage sweethearts?

 

Lara Reddy left London after her husband dumps her for a more accommodating uterus—at least, that’s what his desertion feels like. Bumping into him and his pregnant new missus doesn’t help matters any, and she thus jumps on a prestigious job offer. The kicker? The job is in Mauritius, her homeland, and a society she ran away from over a decade earlier.

 

But once here, Lara has no escape. Not from the gossip, the contempt, the harassing matchmaking....and certainly not from the one man she hoped never to meet again. The one she’d loved and lost—white Mauritian native, Eric Marivaux.

 

Back when they were teens, Eric left her, and Lara vowed she’d never let herself be hurt again.
Today, however, they are both adults, and facing the same crossroads they’d stood at so many years earlier.

 

Lara now stands on the other side of Mauritian society. Will this be the impetus she needs to take a chance on Eric again? To take a chance on love?

Hopefully, I'll be back soon and posting regularly about my crazy mad schedule on here. You do know you can also join me on FB and Twitter (see blog side bar, left, for the widgets to join me) where I am always sharing a quick snippet about my life and career.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

7 Things You Might Not Know About Zee Monodee (via The Very Inspiring Blogger Award)

Hey beautiful people!

Once again I find myself up to my neck in edits and barely able to pop my head over the water level for long enough to take another life-sustaining breath. But with the weekend approaching, I'm starting to let myself bob up and down on those choppy waters, and the best thing to do in that state is... chill!

I don't have a progress report for you today (though if you check the WIP counters, you'll see the jump in work), but since I've been tagged for a blog award, I thought, why not chill with that?

The lovely and talented Rae Rivers tagged me on this round of The Very Inspiring Blogger Award (thank you, darling!! I'm honoured!). For those of you who don't recall, Rae was here a little while ago with her guest post "Has the cat got your tongue?" Take a peek at the quirky world of art and art theft she features in her latest book.

But anyhow, the award... This is how this works. I'm supposed to link back to the person who tagged me (done!), write up 7 things about me, and then tag a few very inspiring people. I'm not too sure about the tagging part, because everyone I find inspiring seem to have already been tagged, so I won't burden anyone with a tag. I will, however, tell you who I find inspiring lately. *grin*

So, 7 things you might not know about me.... I'm pretty much an open book, but the blog's been getting lots of new visitors lately who might not have been following my rambles from all the while back. I also have lots of new Twitter followers, so this might be interesting for them.

Let's get started...

1. I was a surprise baby, born when my dad was 48 and my mum 41, a few months before their 20th wedding anniversary. After having my brother 16 years earlier, my mum had been told she'd never have kids again. Then, *poof*, here I was.
I'll admit it was kinda strange growing up with my cousins' kids the same age or slightly older than me... Today, at 30, I'm already a "grandma" to a 16-yr-old girl... *gasp*

2. I'm a cancer survivor. 8 years ago, a week after my 22nd birthday, I was diagnosed with malignant ductal carcinoma in situ - in short, breast cancer. Thank goodness it wasn't the invasive kind, but given how it struck with me being so young, my oncologist took no chances and pumped me up with meds and therapy. I've thus been through horrid rounds of chemotherapy and radiation therapy.
But as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and cancer changed my life, taught me to enjoy every moment I have been blessed with on this Earth, and to not take for granted all the blessings God has showered on me.

3. I always 'dreamed' of being a writer someday. I thought a 'good' life meant a career in a sophisticated office environment and me as a power maven in that culture. Then I tried corporate working, and it kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth when it wasn't making me sick outright. Still, that's what was deemed as our society as 'making it', so I stuck to my guns.
But when I was diagnosed, by husband told me that "one day is right now; you make it happen!" I took his words to heart and put pen to paper, literally, and what emerged was my first novel, The Other Side, which is being re-published in July this year.

4. I'm a bully magnet. I don't know if it's because I'm naive, or trust too easily, or people take me for an airhead whom they think they can boss around easily... I've been bullied throughout my life. There was the out-and-out mean girl in secondary school, who thought she was the hottest stuff to walk the earth and thus anyone slumming it in a way unlike hers deserved her contempt and riling. Sometimes, I wonder how I survived her taunts... I think God gave me the strength to cope. When I think of what she put me through, today I ask myself how I didn't think of ending my life, the way some bullied kids do nowadays.
Then at work, my boss' PA offloaded all her work on me, and in a sweet way that no one would pinpoint at first, would bully me around to do her bidding instead of what the department required (hence the bitter aftertaste and nausea induced by the corporate world).
I was not at the end of my tether, though, because even online, someone I considered a dear friend abused that friendship and turned on me in an outright war of slinging mud when I dared say, enough is enough!
I'm pretty sure I'm not done with bullies. With my track record, I consider that a given. But hopefully, I am older and wiser now and can stand my ground.

5. The sight and smell of fresh fruit makes me sick. I know - weird. I cannot even run past the produce section at the grocery store without gagging once. Consequently, I don't eat fruit, either. And in case you're wondering, I get my Vit C from veggies or boxed juice or even multivitamin tablets. It's worked so far.
But my biggest nightmare is bananas. Just the sight of them even in a picture can make me want to throw up. And no, I have no clue where that phobia of bananas comes from.

6. Other thing that can give me nightmares - reptiles! As much as I adore shoes and handbags, I cannot even tolerate the idea of a shoe or bag in reptile skin *shiver, shudder, horror!* I cannot stand the look of those animals, and they totally, totally creep me out! I can kill a cockroach (while screming the whole time to keep the adrenalin bursting!) and I'll shoo spiders when I see them. But if my gaze lands on a lizard, I freeze, and only my vocal chords will work as I yell for whoever is at home to come get that beast away from me!

7. The first time I got married, I was 17. Today I know that what I had deemed a lifelong love (without which I'd die!) back then was nothing more than a burst of infatuation with a man who seemed to have everything (including a tendency to want to provide to more than one lady love at a time, if you get my drift...).
At 18, while all my peers were writing their A-levels, I was getting a divorce in a very messy courtroom battle because my ex refused to shoulder the blame of his infidelity as the reason for our breakup. Yes, today I know I was partly to blame in there because at the time I was a spoilt little princess who thought she was owed everything. I wasn't easy to live with, but what hurt was that he never had the courage to say to my face that I was driving him nuts; instead preferring to go find his solace in other women's arms before crawling back into my bed afterwards.
So at the wise age of 19, I remarried, and so far so good, this man and I have been going strong for 11 years, through thick and thin (cancer, remember? We also had our lean times when the money was only enough to buy potatoes to take us to the next paycheck, and we didn't have a car for many years, among other things...)

So here's a bit about me. I must've bored you stiff by now, and I apologize. It's just that even to myself, I am a complex puzzle made of facets and sides that somehow all come together to make 'me' who I am. And the quirkiest is... I'm not at the end of my tether. Every day, I discover something about myself, and uncover some wisdom about life... They say we never stop learning, and life's doing its fair share to show me that all the time...

Anyhow, back on track. As this is The Very Inspiring Blog award, I am not tagging people but will tell you who I do find inspiring in this big bad world out there. Some of them are:
author Natalie G Owens. My bestie, a wonderful author, and even more beautiful person with a heart of gold and the most helpful, guileless nature out there. Proud to know she is on my team!
author Karen Rock. A fabulous writer, but an even more fantabulous person! I recently met her but the friendship bond she has extended my way is the kind that reinforces in your heart that Good does still exist out there!
Decadent Publishing owners Lisa Omstead and Heather Bennet. Two insanely awesome ladies who go to bat for their authors, their friends, and their pub house. It's an honour to be part of their team, and an even bigger honour to consider them dear friends.
authors Lynn Spangler, Graylin Fox, and Rebecca Royce - for being amazing women, fantastic authors, and always being there for me despite whatever drama could be going on in their lives. They are my rocks!

That's it for my (very rambling) Friday peeps. No, I'm not drunk (I don't drink, what with being a Muslim and all that, lol) and I'm not also high on anything (recently cut off caffeine from my life. I know, crazy, but I had to for health reasons...).
Still, I hope this post gave you a glimpse into my existence. Thanks for sharing these parts of me now.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 6 Ways We're All Bridget Jones (& no need to be a chick-lit character to possess those traits!)

Photo from BettyConfidential.com

Hey beautiful people!

It's been ages since I posted something coming from me and not from a guest. I know my guest buddies are keeping you occupied when you drop by here, but I also know some are missing my ramblings (whoever would've thought, eh? LOL) and esp the Link Thursday madness & mayhem.
So here it is, back, and me tagging along.

Have you heard the news? There's a third Bridget Jones novel coming out in 2013. November, if I'm not mistaken. And there are rumors - almost confirmed - that a movie will follow. I saw an interview on TV the other day, quite old from a 2012 edition of Films & Stars, where Colin Firth dropped hints that a third movie might be in the making. I know I'll be gobbling down that book, and the movie, too.

I mean, who doesn't love Bridget Jones? Who hasn't identified, in some part or the other, with her? No, we don't all go screaming 'All by myself' to the top of our lungs while gettin drunk in PJs and socks (it's ABBA, all right. Not 'All by myself'...). And who has never had the misfortune of wearing granny knickers on any day, let alone one where you might've gotten lucky?

True - Bridget Jones is a fictional character that's somewhat over the top. But are we, 'normal' women, that much different from her?

Nopes... and this article here proves my point. Read on to catch what I mean.
(the article starts on Betty Confidential, and then the link crosses to YourTango).

*****

6 Ways We're All Bridget Jones

 

Singletons and smug marrieds, get excited-because the 'wanton sex goddess' is back

Attention, Bridget Jones fans: We are v. excited that a new installment of our favorite awkward heroine is in the works! Helen Fielding has written another chapter in the life of the quirky Brit, and the book is scheduled for an autumn 2013 release.

For the uninitiated, Bridget Jones' Diary — the tale of a desperate yet endearing everywoman and her clumsy and often hilarious pursuit of true love (or at least a good date) — debuted in 1996 and quickly became and international bestseller and cultural phenom. Two movies followed, with Renee Zellweger as our quirky protagonist, and single 30-something women everywhere found a fumbling heroine they could finally relate too. It was in Bridget’s constantly adorable flaws — namely her fixation on her body image, awkward approach to dating and penchant for wallowing in her misery (who can forget her onscreen rendition of "All By Myself"?) that we wach saw a bit of ourselves. We are all Bridget Jones to some degree — whether that makes us uncomfortable or not. Here are a few examples:

1. We go for the sexy d-bag. It’s hard to not want to be with the hottest guy around. And when our crush actually shows an interest, the tempation to follow through can be irresistible — despite the guy's less questionable reputation and aloof behavior. Bridget's obsession with Daniel Cleaver (played by Hugh Grant in the film) is perfect example of our tendence to torture ourselves with Mr. Wrong.

2. We fall down. Both literally and metaphorically, we all fall from grace. Whether it’s the result of a bottle of vodka or a heartbreak that is so devastating that our knees give out — or, in Bridget's case, a very unfortunate bunny costume misunderstanding — we’ve all found ourselves on the ground staring at the ceiling.

3. We’re dumb when it comes to love. Seriously. Who hasn’t had love stare them in the face and fail to realize it until it was too late? Sometimes it’s just not easy to pick up on even obvious hints — like the fact that Mark Darcy was in love with Bridget the whole time. Then again, real-life Mark Darcys don't always look like a young Colin Firth.

4. We tend to think that nice guys are boring. Who knows where it started, but women just love the bad boys. we all want the man who is challenging and infuriating at first; the one who probably sees us as nothing special at the beginning but yet we seem to win over right before the closing credits. Isn’t that the dream after all? To be loved for even your craziness? In the words of Mark Darcy, "I like you just as you are." It’s only after years of heartbreak that we finally understand that the "nice" guys aren’t so boring after all. They actually give a damn, unlike the bad eggs.

5. We obsess about our weight. It’s a painful truth, but many of us fixate on having a perfect (read: thin) body, often to our own pain and detriment. Bridget Jones would freak out if her weight surpassed 130 pounds — a perfectly non-fat size 6, in most cases.

6. We make scenes. Okay, so maybe most of us don’t stage the epic scenes that Bridget Jones is famous for, but maybe that’s just because we’ve learned from her mistakes because we’ve seen the movie too many times. Or because we're not fictional characters. Either way, we're all a little guilty of making the occasional dramatic outburst that we regret in the morning.

*****

What do you think, peeps? I might've been married for nearly 11 years and completely blipped over what it felt like to be a singleton out there looking for Mr. Right, but I still recall I had my Bridget moments throughout the years.

How about you?

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

What are you listening to? Let's Move To Some Tunes!

Hey peeps!

Another week on the way. Yep, I didn't post yesterday, because it looks like I'm gonna need a more rigorous schedule to get all the work I need to do done, so blogging is (not getting the axe! LOL) but it will have to be more structured. Monday updates will come every other week now. I know I babble a lot, but I really don't have that much to talk about. *grin*

No guests visiting this week, so I thought I'd jolly up the place with some music. These are tracks that have been on repeat lately on my phone, tunes I really like (and yes, I like fluff. Never hid that truth!)

So rock on!!


Love this girl's quirky style and her energy levels are just amazing. I always end up energized when I listen to this track.




Who doesn't like a little bit of diva attitude? This one is perfect for those times we all wanna indulge the spoilt princess that lurks inside us. :)




Good-looking men, and good-looking men who sing amazing well... and in Italian! What more can a girl ask for?




Latest one on this list - just came out in the UK, from the winner of the X-Factor. It's a cover version, if I'm not mistaken, but it's beautiful, anyhow. Love the lyrics, and I'm definitely thinking how and where to use that as soundtrack for a story.




What are you listening to?

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 4 Things You Think Are Sexy, But Aren't... (& don't make your heroine do them!!!)

Hey beautiful peeps!

Lol, looks I'll really be able to do a whole week of posts, after all. Giddy feeling (which has been lingering since Monday, when I got some pubbing good news. More on that tomorrow!).

But yup - back on this Thursday with a new linked article. Browsing through my stash, I found this one and it called to me. Since last week, we went after 44 places where you can find eligible men, it comes to mind that you (or your heroine, in your book/s) will be doing everything you can to snatch up the attention of that elusive creature called the 'eligible bachelor'.
Somehow, can we end up doing too much...?

Seems the case. I mean, we've all been single at some point, and even in our relationships, there are times when we've wanted to come across as sexy to our partner. And with hindsight, you realize you've gone a little too far. How? Check out those 4 things that might clock us on the head as sexy (esp during brain-AWOL moments such as late partying nights or, even, a bad day!), but really aren't.

And trust me, after reading these, you'll at least kinda agree with these article authors... When I was younger, I've played the helpless princess too many times to count, and it's a wonder how my man has not simply dumped me for being such a brat. He must have the patience of a saint (or be really in love... I'll settle for that, lol).

Article came from Betty Confidential, written by Elizabeth Marie, posted in and around August 2012. Find the whole thing online here.

*****

4 Things You Think Are Sexy That Really Aren't

 

Sometimes what with think is a sexy turn-on is actually a major turn-off!

Have you ever thought you were being so ultra sexy and alluring, only to look back days, weeks or months later and cringe, thinking “WHAT was I thinking?” We have too, so we've compiled a short list of the common things women do that they think are sexy, but just...aren't!

1. Showing all your skin at once.

Sometimes women get a bit overly excited when choosing what to wear, or more specifically, what not to wear and we think it's a genius idea to wear the tiniest articles of clothing in our closets if we want to attract a man. I think it's because we all saw the movie Clueless one too many times and really took it to heart when Cher said, "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex." While, yeah sure, it's always fun if the guy you have a crush on thinks of sex when he see's you, but you're more than sex; You're funny and interesting and fun to talk to and make a damn good omelet. Don't blind him with so much skin that he forgets all the important stuff.

2. Sexting.

Does this word make anyone else wildly uncomfortable? I mean, we're adults right? And we're having sex...via text message? Ok, got it. Texting is probably the number one form of communication these days, which is a whole other depressing topic, but of course we couldn't leave well enough alone...we had to go and spice it up and turn it sexual! The thing is though, if you're dating someone and like, actually see them or talk to them all the time, what does a hot sexting session bring to the table? Not to mention, my iPhone likes to embarrass me on a daily basis with it's absurd auto corrects, and that's just when I'm texting my best friend. If you've gotta get your rocks off and you're not with your man, get thee on Skype and at least see each other while you tell him all the naughty things you'd do to him if he were there. Or just go read Fifty Shades Of Grey like every other pent up woman in the world!

3. Body oil…everywhere.

When I was growing up, I'd sit at my grandmothers vanity for hours, mesmerized by her collection of beautiful bottles and jars from Charles of the Ritz, Chanel and Escada....and Neutrogena. Neutrogena light sesame body oil, to be precise. For my entire life I believed that body oil was something very glamorous and a must-have if I wanted to be a beautiful woman with the softest skin in all of the land. Um, you guys? That crap gets everywhere! You can't get dressed for an hour after you put it on, and sometimes at the gym later on in the day I'll look down and realize I'm glistening...and not in a sexy way, more like a “holy crap I look like a disco ball exploded” way. Sure, it makes your skin soft, but what's the point if your man can't touch you for hours after you put it on? My advice? Jergens. Not glamorous, not sticky.

4. Acting helpless.

Isn't it so hot when you're in a time of need and a sexy man swoops in and rescues you? It feels good to feel protected and taken care of, so good in fact that some women pretend to need rescuing when they really don't. Getting a flat tire on the freeway during rush hour is an emergency, and calling your boyfriend in tears is perfectly acceptable. Forgetting to put gas in your car and complaining that you have no way to get to work in the morning is completely unacceptable. Sure, guys love helping their girl out, but they don't want the two following things to happen:

1. They begin to feel taken for granted and used and

2. They begin to realize that the woman they've been dating can't take care of herself. So let him save your day from time to time... just not everyday.

Elizabeth Marie is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site and maintains their popular We Love Dates blog. Liz can be found sweating it out at her favorite hot yoga studio or laying on her couch watching copious amounts of reality television. One of those things is not like the other. Keep in touch with We Love Dates on Facebook or Twitter!

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Routines & what-not: How to be an author, an editor, a mum, & everything else at the same time!

Hey peeps!

It sure has been ages since I last dropped on here for Mondays' Random Thoughts. Can we say life crept up on me? I also didn't have the best of plans in 2012, just aiming at dilly-dallying at writing and see where that would take me. That might've been Mistake #1.

For, you see - to be good at any role, you cannot dilly-dally with it.

If you're an author, you write (and finish projects!). That's your job.
If you're an editor, you edit (and work around deadlines and the like).
If you're a wife, you don't happen to be married to that other person only so-many hours of the day.
If you're a mum, you're on call & on duty 24/7 at every second of every minute of every hour.

And yes, first of all, you're a woman... and one who also happens to be all the above, too. All rolled into one. And yes again - you have only 24 hours in a day to work aaaaall these miracles you're expected to achieve (new stories, promoting releases, edit deadlines, a clean house, dinner on the table and lunch boxes in school bags. Oh yeah - you're expected to sleep, too, somewhere in there!)

Are we women running right into a brick wall by trying to be Superwoman? But here's where it hurts - the average woman DOES have at least 90% of the above tasks to tackle daily. Being an average woman nowadays equals having to pull up your knee-high boots and skin-tight costume and put on the tiara - tada! Superwoman's on the scene!

Over the course of the weekend, I've waded through 1400+ emails in my inbox (that's the result of having 2 hyenas at home 24/7 for the past 9 weeks!). I have no clue where I've read what I might've read as I went through these emails, but something stuck in my head and I'll tell you what it is.

Somebody (I don't recall who, or where) said that routine gives us a time frame that rolls one into the other until the edges blur and everything is the same, regurgitated all over again. That why, apparently, we see time rushing past us (who else has asked, "Where did 2012 go???").

I don't agree... To me, routine allows you to get to everything on the tasks' list, allows you to rush that Superwoman cape through all the roles you have to endorse on a daily basis.
Proof in the pudding - I had the boys at home for 9 (looong!) weeks. Routine shot to the lowest pits of hell and me getting nothing done (hence the 1400+ emails accumulating, the dust bunny families in and around the house, the increased grocery bills as I fell on semi-prepared stuff and even *gasp* processed food to cope with the demands of 2 growing boys who are always hungry.) Oh yeah, too - NO writing done! How's that for progress???

So don't underestimate the power of routine, peeps. Routine + Scheduling = Accomplishing something (even if not everything).

How can you do that? A few tips:

1. Find a time for everything (aka - Schedule!)
At different times of the day, I am focusing on a specific role in my repertoire of existence. Waking up till 8.30AM, I'm the over-her-head mum trying to get the kiddo to school. While he's in school, 8.30AM to 3PM, I'm the author who writes and/or the editor who edits. That's also the only time in the day I can hear myself think, so I compartmentalize that 7.5 hours bracket to include some exercise without anyone laughing at my two left feet during Zumba. From 3PM to the time the kiddo goes to bed, I'm the housewife, the mum, the cook/washer/driver/teaching coach. Evening is 'my' sacred time when I get to indulge in some TV or a good book.
So throughout a day, I've managed to be author, editor, mum, wife, woman (well, on most days...) Why can't you do it?

2. Plan
I'm not a fan of surprises. The only surprise I would tolerate are a) finding a contract in my inbox, and b) finding the latest Sophie Kinsella chick-lit for sale on Amazon.uk.
So I plan my work week, even my weekends. This also allows me to see if I'll really be in over my head, or if I can fit everything in. For example, I have something specific planned for every day of the work week. Edits on this ms for Monday; Chap whatever on this WIP for Tuesday; Chap whatever again for other WIP on Wednesday; edits on own story on Thursday; etc.
Have something  - and only that! - on your schedule for a specific length of time. Trust me, it keeps you from being a headless chicken running all over the place.

3. Allow for contingencies
At any time, a kid might get sick (or, God forbid, the hubby might get sick and think he's dying!). I myself don't have stellar health, so at any point, a cold can creep up on me and leave me on the floor.
Allow for these in your schedule. If you manage to get through without having to call on your 'carry me through' card, great. If not, you won't stress, and know you allowed yourself time to slack off.
Example - say you can write 3,000 words a day. At this rate, with 5 writing days a week, you can expect to finish a 50K ms in 19-20 days tops. One month, or 4 weeks.
Tack on an additional 2 weeks on this expectation, and give yourself some breathing room! You'll be glad for it, believe me!

4. Be dedicated
You're the only one who can do everything you have to do. No one will write your story for you (unless you can pay a ghostwriter!). No one will edit the piece you have to edit (turn it in with barely any work done and run the risk of losing your job. This applies to all jobs, btw). No one will be a mother to your kids (no, not even the nanny. She's the nanny, not the mum. And Grandma is just that - Grandma!). No one will be the wife of the man you married (unless you wanna run the risk of him finding someone else who'll better fill those wifey shoes? No? I thought so.)

5. Set goals (and reward yourself when reaching them!)
I'ev already told myself that, for the next paycheck I receive from my editing job, I'll treat myself to a pair of shoes from ALDO. That's motivation for me to hand the work in well ahead of deadline so I know I will earn that paycheck. *grin*
Reward can be something as simple as taking a week off of writing, etc, when, say, you finish a WIP.
Work towards a goal - your combative spirit will rise up to the challenge. And imagine how proud you'll be when you'll be savouring the reward you promised yourself!

6. Establish a routine!
One that works for you. My schedule can seem like a nutter's diary to you, or it can look like a walk in the park if you're even more ADD/hyper than I am.
No one knows YOUR life/existence as well as you do, so start making that knowledge work for you!

Hope this rambling above helps you find a way to a more productive 2013! If you have any tips along these lines, please, do share them!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 44 Places To Meet Eligible Men (...or where your heroine can next find her hero!)

Hey beautiful people!

Back on board with the Link Thursday articles. Feels good to be here again. *grin*

Was browsing through the endless string of links I've accumulated for this slot, and came upon this one.

Whether you're a single girl looking for a bloke, or you're an author racking your brain to come up with where to make your heroine find your next hero, check out these tips!

The article is from All Women Stalk and can be read online (with its lovely images!) here. It was written by someone named Mercy, and as she mentions, 'some time ago'. :)

Enjoy!

*****
44 Best Places To Meet Eligible Men

Places to Meet Eligible Men become more and more scarce these days. Heck, even eligible men as they are have become a rare species. And what do we single ladies do about this? Well, my guess is it can go 2 ways – either we sit and wait for the good men to sweep us off our feet or we simply take the first step toward our destiny and check out the best places to meet eligible men to see if our future boyfriends or husbands might be there? Well, if you are like me and you are choosing the second option, let’s get ready for some action and take a quick look at this fabulous list of 44 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men!

1. The Bar
This may be one of the oldest ways to meet a man, but it still works. Free flowing beer makes it easier to approach your target! However, if ‘commitment’ is on your mind, then look elsewhere!

2. The Market
Whether it’s the shopping mall or the supermarket these places are loaded up with good looking folks. Chances are you’ll find someone who lives in your neighborhood and likes coffee the way you do. A bookstore is another place to meet someone with similar tastes – at least in literature!

3. Online
This is the latest method of meeting single men. There are several online dating sites where you can check out profiles and photographs. The best one I’ve heard of is PlentyofFish.com, because all the services there are free. But there are others like Match.com, Chemistry.com (Limited time offer – 7 Day Free Trial) or Perfectmatch.com that too seem to be pretty good, although you’ll have to spend some money on membership. Online dating became a relatively safe method as you can get to know your date before you go out with him.

4. Church
Church is a good place to meet men who share the same faith and moral grounding. If you’re a single mom, this may be a good place to find serious men who are looking for a life partner rather than a night out on the town.

5. The Water Cooler
If you can get past the gossip, the office is a place where romance can be sparked. Being in such close proximity with colleagues can lead to an office romance. Finding someone of the same intellectual level may be easier at the workplace than at the bar!

6. Newspapers
Check out the newspapers for announcements regarding neighborhood picnics, square dances, tours and special events. These are great places to meet new people, especially single men! Go ahead strike up a conversation. You might end up meeting your spouse.

7. College
If you’re taking some classes at the local college this could be an opportunity to meet eligible men. There are seminars and short courses that you can participate in. Not only can you get an education but you can find that perfect someone perhaps sitting right next to you.

8. Friends
Get your friends to help if you’re serious about finding a man. Attend parties where there is a good mix of singles. Be friendly, outgoing and be seen! You can even throw a party yourself and tell friends to bring their friends along.

9. Gym
While you exercise your muscles you can exercise your heart as well. The gym is a great place to meet single men, specially the hot men! You’ll know in advance that they value their health and you know what to expect when thir expensive suit comes off, so that’s a good starting point!

10. Favorite diner or restaurant
Notice the guy who’s having dinner by himself at the far corner table? Well, what you waiting for? Get a waiter to introduce you or do it yourself. Either way, make a move.

11. Work
Either in your office or in the accounting on the 19th floor there must be that cute, nice, good-looking guy who makes your heart tick. Figure out where exactly he works, what’s his name, if he’s available, and let the flirting beging! Who knows, maybe the guy in the next cubicle is the one you were looking for all this time!

12. Vacation
I know they say that relationships that started on vacation never last, but that was way back in the 20th century! Now that air fares are getting lower and lower and Internet live video chats is the most common thing out there – why not to give a great man you met on a vacation a chance? Who knows, maybe in a couple of months you’ll decide you want to live together?

13. Parks
When I say parks I mean day time, safe places downtown, where people go to get some fresh air during lunch break, after work or on weekends. For your own safety, please don’t stay there after dark. But during the day, you’ll be surprised at how many young good looking men spend an hour or so sitting on a bench reading, working on their laptops or just watching other people. Just sit next to the one you like the most and if he is in the mood for conversation, you’ll know it!

14. Airplane
These days we spend a good couple of hours every month flying here and there. Next time you have a flight, look out for cute guys who might too be flying the same plane. And who knows, maybe your seat will be next to his!

15. House party
Any party is always a fun way to meet people but with a house party, everything is so much more in your control and it’s comforting to know that common friends are involved. So throw a fun little party, invite all your friends and tell them to invite their friends (preferably single). You never know who you may end up meeting and if nothing, at least they’ll be grateful for the awesome party!

16. Acting workshop
If you’re not shy and love an audience, why not join an acting class. You will meet tons of taleneted, fun, outgoing men and you’ll have a ready excuse to flirt with them. What? You’re only playing your part! Besides, you’ll figure out quite early on who you do and do not share chemistry with and the rest will be history.

17. Art Exhibits
They say that without art, the earth is just “eh”. Sorry I read that somewhere today and had to share. Back to the point, art exhibits are one of the best places to meet eligible men. Whether you are an art lover or not, an exhibit will give you an opportunity and an excuse to chat with different men, get to know them, perhaps flirt a little and if the chemistry is just right, maybe you could take the party elsewhere.

18. Book Club
If you love reading, one of the best ways to meet like-minded men is through a book club. Think about it. You read, you share opinions, you find similarities, you hit it off, you fall in love…Okay, I’ll stop.

19. Blood drive
This one is definitely not for the squeamish! If you watch The Office, you’ve probably seen the episode where Michael runs into this pretty woman while donating blood and hits it off instantly. That could be you. Strike up a conversation with someone who’s next to you or if you see a cutie by the snack table, ask him what he recommends for strength building.Who knows, you may end up deciding that dinner is the best option. And even if you don’t end up meeting someone, you’ve at least helped save a life.

20. Rock climbing center
If you’re adventurous, a rock climbing center is one of the best places to meet eligible men. According to a study, nearly two-thirds of wall climbers are male so imagine your chances of meeting someone wonderful and exciting. Plus rock climbing is fun with lots of scope for “accidental” touching and flirting and such. Ah I’m just a pervert sometimes.

21. Wine/scotch tasting
If a bar is much too loud and chaotic for your liking, how about going to a wine/scotch tasting event? It’s a lot calmer, quieter and not to mention, sober. Whether you actually know your wines or feign innocence, you are bound to meet an eligible bachelor or two. Besides, it gives you plenty of time to “work the room” and figure out your options.

22. Running Club
A friend actually met his current girlfriend through a running club so if you’re into outdoor sports, find a local running club, put on your shoes and get out there! Men in running shorts are so cute and if nothing else, at least you’ll get back in shape.

23. Community service
Giving back to the community is always a great thing and who knows, your karma might actually earn you an eligible man. There are plenty of places where you can volunteer so take your pick and give away. At the end of the day, you know you’re going to meet someone who cares…

24. Weddings
I know that the common belief is that all single men at weddings just want to get laid but I beg to differ. Some of them are perfectly charming, pre-bride approved gentlemen that are out there looking for eligible women. You just need to give them a chance. Just don’t get too drunk and you’ll see what I mean.

25. Dance class
I know you’re probably wondering why dance classes are on the list of best places to meet eligible men since they usually have more women than men but it’s definitely worth a shot considering you will be forced to physically interact with potential hotties. If you feel the chemistry and if the small talk is intriguing enough, hang back, get to know him better and see where it goes…

26. Laundromats
The only thing that makes the idea of laundry bearable is the possibility of meeting a cute guy and if you run into someone who fits that description, do not hesitate tochat him up. What could it hurt right?

27. Jury duty
It may sound boring but think about this. Other bored, possibly wonderful eligible men could be out there and they have nothing to do but chat you up. Sound good? So yep, don’t ignore your civic duty the next time you receive a summons in the mail.

28. Ski resorts
You might probably need to wait till winter for this one, but hey, it’s great to have a B plan if you will be looking for a hot date to take to all the Holiday parties. Knowing how to ski is not necessary, you can try and learn, but if you just go to the resort to relax or have fun with your friends, you’ll be surprised at the dozens of sporty good looking eligible men having a hot drink in the bar after an exhausting day of skiing. And is there a more romantic place to find the man of your dreams than under the stars in the middle of snow covered mountains?

29. Reality shows
If all else fails and I mean ALL else, reality shows like the Bachelorette seem like a fun way to meet a lot of men who want to make you the center of their attention. I mean, who wouldn’t want that! Oh wait, this is about eligible men… I need to cut down on T.V.

30. In the Navy
One of the best places to meet eligible men is, unquestionably, the Navy. Even if you don’t want to make the commitment of joining the Navy, you can make yourself available during shore leaves and Fleet Weeks. These men are brave, handsome, and generally dying to get away from all those boys!

31. Walking the dog
Most guys love dogs, so when you’re walking your pooch, you’ve got a great opportunity to meet one. Big dogs like Labradors and Retrievers are always a great draw, but if you have a little dog, don’t worry. Many men have a secret love for the little dogs as well. If you’re friendly and make eye contact (and if your dog doesn’t try to mark his territory in an awkward spot), you should be golden!

32. The hardware store
You’ll be surprised at what a great place it is to meet men. First of all, almost all the clients are men and so are the sales assistants. And being a woman, you’ll find it natural to ask for help that cute stranger who will gladly explain you the difference between this and that tool. Who knows, he might ask you out for coffee to continue the conversation…

33. The tech store
Tech stores are men magnets. I do not know a single guy who would pass on the opportunity to come and take a look at some new weird plasma TV or sound system or whatever it is he’s read about on his favorite tech blog. So take it from me, most customers in tech stores are also men, and many of them are very good looking. Now, you’ll surely see a couple of married guys (of course), but you’ll be surprised at the number of single guys browsing these stores. Give this one of the best places to meet eligible men a try and you won’t regret it.

34. Museums
Now, I know this might sound a little cliche, but what’s the best way to meet someone, when you are visiting a new city than going to a local museum. There are hundreds of single men who, just like you, want to check the museums off their lists when they travel to a new city and believe me, they’ll be happy to have a conversation with a cute girl, especially when there are so many conversational pieces around. Museums are also fantastic for meeting artsy guys and foreigners, so if you are feeling adventures, this is the place to meet eligible men.

35. The bowling alley
I know you probably think, how old the guys in the bowling alley would be? 60? 70? But don’t be so quick, I have personally seen a couple of times guys coming in in groups for a little game. And may I say, some of them were very cute.

36. The golf course
Ditto on this one, although golfing can be quite a bit more boring than bowling. The difference is, the course isn’t so loud and crowded either, and you can really get a chance to talk to a guy. If he looks really into the game, let it pass, but if he’s with some friends and they’re chatting together as much as golfing, go for it!

37. Casinos
Although loud, casinos can also be great places to meet eligible men. You don’t want to talk to a guy when he’s right in the middle of a heavy game or anything, but if you’re both playing Blackjack, if you’re sitting at the slots, or one of you is throwing dice, then you can start a conversation. It’ll be casual, but that can lead to other things.

38. Concerts
Concerts are a fantastic place to meet eligible men, especially if it’s your favorite performer. You will instantly have an interest in common and when you are a fan of something it’s so easy to bond with the other person. The connection sparks instantly, so try this place to meet eligible men and see who you meet!

39. At a club
Now, many guys just go to clubs to hook up. A lot of them aren’t necessarily looking for someone to date. However, there are exceptions to every rule, and that is the only reason nightclubs made it onto the list. You have to have an eagle eye, but if you spot this guy, you’ll be glad. He likes to dance and hang out and have a good time, but he isn’t the boy who’s only into ranking up as many one night stands as possible.

40. The beach
The beach is not just a great place to meet eligible men, it’s a fantastic place! See, guys who go to the beach generally fall into three different categories. They go alone, and depending on what you see them doing, that probably means they’re single (so if you can think up an approach, do it!). They go with a group of guy friends, and again, you can typically tell by their behavior if they’re single. Or, they go with their wives or girlfriends. If you see a guy spreading lotion on someone else, just play it safe and scratch him off your list!

41. At a cigar bar
I don’t know many girls who like cigar bars, but I know plenty of guys who do! Sure, you’re going to be entering forbidden territory, but it might well be worth it. These places have tons of eligible guys, and the kicker is, most of them think any girl in a cigar bar is automatically cool!

42. A sushi bar
Surprisingly, more and more men start loving sushi. And nowadays, when you pop into a nice such restaurant you see more men and women. Some of them are having business dinner, others are meeting with a friend, but there are those, sitting at the bar, having dinner after work on their own – and those are you could easily sit next to and perhaps strike a conversation if you feel like it. Or he’ll be the first to talk, guys are usually like that – they catch your eye and they just start talking to you.

43. The bookstore
Meeting men at a bookstore is just tops, especially if you’re a big reader. You know he shares your interests, you automatically have plenty to talk about, and since most bookstores provide little chairs and comfy couches, you already have a cozy spot to get to know one another. What could be better?

44. A networking event
A networking event can be dull as hell or it can be fun and interesting. To make sure it’s the latter, take a friend of yours from work with you, make sure your hair’s done and you are dressed nicely and you’ll definitely turn a few heads. A lovely place to meet eligible men, if you ask me!

So, do you ladies know about other great places to meet eligible men? Please do share …

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Back on board! So much to come in 2013!!!

Hey beautiful people!

After 9 weeks of staying at home for the summer break, kiddo has finally gone back to school today! Yay - deliverance! I'd say that qualifies for me sitting down with a slice of awesome cake and savouring the whole deal, for once in 9 weeks not having to hide in my pantry so no little inquiring minds can know I am enjoying a forbidden moment when I'm not being their mental chew toy. *grin*

I always underestimate the impact of school breaks - I keep saying, the boys are grown so they'll leave me alone for a few hours a day and I can get my stuff done. Wrong! Having kids inside your house, with just a wall separating you from their loud (and often violent!) video games soundtrack and their very own bickering and ourbursts that would put the biggest cat-fighters to shame - tata, sanity!

But thank goodness that is now over. Kiddo starts 5th year in primary. Kind of a big step, because 6th year is the last of primary in the Mauritian education system, and there's a huge national exam to sanction the end of primary years. Foundation work for that milestone started last year when he did Year 4, but it is now in Year 5 that the heat will start to be felt... and since neither myself nor the hubby wanted to give in to the pressure to add extra lessons (which is a huge and totally warped culture in Mauritius. Kids in private tuition/lessons before and after the school day, sometimes even on weekends. When will they get to be kids, for goodness' sake???) So, yeah - this means I'll be having to monitor the little one with his lessons. Thank goodness I wasn't that lousy at school, and hopefully, can help coach him some so he can shine (without pressure and extreme expectations).

That takes care of my weekends, which will now be family time. But the weekdays... Oh, baby, do we have stuff going on in the weekdays too, now. :)

2012 was a fantabulous year for me. I signed contracts for 4 books - 2 of which came out the same year; the remaining 2, that I wrote during the year, coming out shortly in 2013. There have been ups, and some downs (namely a huge upheaval at one of my publishers. Thank goodness they seem to have gotten back on their feet quite quickly, and I look forward to working with them again this year).

Mostly, there have been ups - with me joining the author lineup at Decadent Publishing back in January of last year, I never dreamed where this association would take me. I ended 2012 as the Managing Editor of a brand new line Decadent had rolled out during the year. Ubuntu is its name, with stories, mainly romance, focusing on the African landscape, culture, and horizons. The very first book from this line is coming out this week, btw. Stay tuned for more on that.

I know I said someplace on this blog itself that, at one point, I let go of editing to focus on being an author. And that's exactly what I did. But the call to edit was strong, too, and I think I might just have been waiting for the right opportunity to arise. It came up the day Heather Bennett, co-owner of Decadent Publishing, "innocently" pulled me into a conversation about Africa and precisely, what modern Africa looked like (she'd heard I lived on the continent. Yes, Mauritius is considered part of Africa!). We got to talking... and then, Bam! She dropped the bomb - she and Lisa Omstead, the other DP owner, wanted to start a line geared toward African romance, and they needed someone to steer it. Would I agree to be that someone?

After speaking about this with my family, I got their green light... and haven't looked back. Never would I have thought when I started 2012 that I'd end up where I did. My goal was to write a few stories and get them published. What's happened has soared beyond my hopes.

Another dream of mine started to take shape last year, when I joined hands with my bestie and the woman I consider my soul sister, author Natalie G. Owens. We finally got down to starting a book series we're co-writing. The progression on that one beat all our expectations, and now we're cruising toward the finishing and release of our first book from that venture, called Eternelles.

2013 promises to be an even greater year. I also promise you much more of me (okay, you have my permission to run for the hills right away screaming "Gaaaahhhh!!!" LOL) on this platform. The posts should return daily, and I'll also be blogging 3 Wednesdays a month at the Pop Culture Divas blog. Gonna try my best to book some fantabulous guests to visit this year also, with more books for you to discover.

On the whole, 2013 will, I hope, be MY year, even more than 2012 has been. It will be my greatest joy to go on this journey with ye all right by my side, in this blog's audience, and also on my Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest journeys.

Big thank you to everyone who is reading this, and/or who visits my little slice of Zee-land on this blog here. After having my family with me, I am nothing without all of you.

Best wished for a rocken' 2013, peeps! Let's set the world on fire!

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Battle of the Sexes Playlist: in the current Pop Music scene, who wins - Girls, or Boys?

Hey peeps!

Ages since I last posted on a Tuesday, innit? Then with all my writing projects lately, I have barely had a minute to pop on here for longer than to put an interview doc or a guest post on. Last week, I even had to veg out and thus, missed a whole week's posting here. Apologies... and I hope the posts from today onwards will help with getting back into your good books. (Okay, a girl can dream, right? *wink*)

So, ye all know I'm hooked on Brit Pop. I even did a post a while back featuring Brit Pop tunes - I remember there were Adele and James Blunt on there. My fave spot to get my music fix is the UK Top 40 charts. Sales of Top Singles for the week in the UK. Music come and go really fast in there (though Gangnam Style has been in the Top 10 for like forever by now, lol! Seriously, who can resist that track?)

Anyhow, a few songs have hit me lately, and many come from a renaissance of girl bands. I'm from the Spice Girls era; so yes, I love girl bands. Totally moved beyond boys bands, because these kids are jail bait and I like my men a little more rugged. Still, doesn't mean their music is unpalatable (most of the time...)

Got me thinking - currently, who does it better? Girls, or boys?

Why don't you join me, and let me know your opinion? To do this, check out some vids of the tracks that have stayed with me and made it into my playlist lately. 2 from girl bands, 2 from boy bands (and/or boy groups)

First one to start the showdown - Something New by Girls Aloud! Peppy and gets you moving!



Second one - DNA from Little Mix. Powerful vocals from these girls, and the style is good, too.



Now on to the lads - Chasing The Sun by The Wanted. Those of you with kids might recognize this one as being on the soundtrack of Ice Age 4. Good beat and rhythm.



And, finally, Will.i.am of the Black-Eyed Peas joins the band named as The Script for the very 80s-sounding Hall of Fame.




What's your verdict? Who does it better in today's pop - girls, or boys?

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 15 Ways To Stay Married For 15 Years

Hey peeps!

Been a while since I last posted a Link Thursday article. It was in my best intentions to have one up every week, though, ... and since a few of you have let me know you'd love to see this coming back, well I am obliging. *grin* There should be a Link Thursday post every week now (or else feel free to come stalk me until I get a post up!).

That being said... I was faced with the eternal blogging question - What to post??? Then the answer happened while I was on Pinterest this morning. Saw a lovely pic, but it's the title and link that had me intrigued.

15 ways to stay married for 15 years... and apparently, the advice was true-to-life and not pulled out of thin air. Decided to check it out, and couldn't believe how much I was nodding all the way through.

Hubby and I are going on 11 years here. It's been full of ups and downs and lots of broken china, but the absolute certainty is that we're in this together, for better or worse, us against the world. Funnily enough, the things I have come to realize in the decade we have shared so far all strike very close to home to what the author of this article states.

When I got married, I was 19. I thought I knew everything, like youngsters usually do. More than once, I've nearly wrecked my marriage through my own fault because I felt entitled to this or that and stuff and feelings he owed me.

But that's not how it works! He owes me nothing except for the vows he took - to love, honour, and cherish, through sickness and health (and boy, has that one been put to the test!), poverty and riches, etc, etc. I not only shouldn't expect flowers on Valentine's Day or our anniversary (they would be lovely, but trust my hubby to forget!), but the point of an ongoing marriage is that you don't need flowers on V-Day/Anniversary to make it work.

Lydia Netzer who posted the original article says it all so well - I'll let you read on & come to the same conclusion I reached once I grew up and realised it was all in my hands!

The original article is by Lydia Netzer; however, I grabbed it off the GirlsGuideTo site, post penned by Katie Ostoich (link on the article title below).

Enjoy!

*****

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

posted by: Katie Ostoich
at 9:44pm on: July 5, 2012

So the world is blowing up with all the details of Katie and Tom's failed marriage and all that that entails. When I was sinlge, I devoured details of celebrity divorces. The scandal! The intrigue! Now that I'm married, it kinda just makes me sad. I hate when that ever popular 50% stat is proven right. So whenever I start to get a little down about my own relationship or the state of marriages in general, I pull up what is probably my most favorite piece of writing on the internet. I know, that's a bold statement. But it's true. Author Lydia Netzer has been married for 15 years. She and her husband aren't experts on marriage, just their own, and you can tell they are super proud of their relationship and totally still in love.

As Lydia says, she and her husband Dan got married when they were 25 years old. I love her self decprication: "Looking back I’m surprised we didn’t, as 25 year olds, self-destruct just for the heck of it. Now that we are older, we are perhaps surprisingly also wiser." Trust me, they are definitely wiser.

Here are the things they have learned over the years, that helped them stay married and -- gasp! -- even happy for fifteen years. (Beyond that, she says you’re on your own. She can’t promise another 15.) Their list does not resemble the one you will find in Cosmo or Ladies’ Home Journal. She says they have never had a regular date night, nor do they prioritize “communication” or play sex games or see a therapist. He doesn’t bring her flowers every Thursday, she doesn’t cook his favorite food very often. But they do have some other ideas. Here they are in Lydia and Dan's own words!

1. Go to bed mad.The old maxim that you shouldn’t go to bed mad is stupid. Sometimes you need to just go to freakin’ bed. “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase “Be angry and sin not.” So, who’s to say it doesn’t mean “Stay angry, bitches. Don’t let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours.” Seriously. Whoever interpreted this to mean that you should stay up after midnight, tear-stained and petulant, trying to iron out some kind of overtired and breathy accord -- was stupid. Shut up, go to bed, let your husband get some sleep. In the morning, eat some pancakes. Everything will seem better, I swear.

2. Laugh if you can.In any fight, there is one person who is really mad, and one person who isn’t that mad. That person should deflect the fight. Make a joke, do something stupid or corny, make the other person laugh. If the fight is very serious for you and you feel like you really want to plant your flag and die on this hill, fine. Do it. But if you’re fighting for entertainment, or because you’re just reacting, then you be the one to deflect. Fights are bad. Deflecting a fight whenever possible is a good idea. When you’re the one who’s being pissy and raw, and the other person helps you get out of it and brings about peace, that feels fantastic. This was a hard lesson to learn, for me. Letting Dan deflect a fight is the best thing, now. He does it really well.

3. Don’t criticize. Ever.Here is a fact: Whatever critical thing that you are about to say to your wife is already being loudly articulated in her head. And if it’s true, she already feels like crap about it. Assuming you married someone intelligent enough to like you and sane enough to let you put a ring on it, trust that they are self-aware enough to know when they screwed up. It may feel good to you in that moment to say the critical thing, let it go ringing through the air in all its sonorous correctness, but it will feel awful to hear it. The only, only way it’s beneficial to give your wife criticism of any kind is if you’re absolutely positive she is completely unaware. And you better find the nicest, kindest way possible to tell her. And even then, good luck convincing her. Their recognition of the thing you are helpfully trying to point out will be INHIBITED, not facilitated, by your criticism. And then you’re the asshole. So be careful.

4. Be the mirror.Your husband is the mirror in which you see yourself. And the things you say to him give him an image of himself too, which he will believe. You want him to believe it, so make it good. Be a mirror that reflects something positive: you’re smart, you’re successful, you’re fantastic in the sack, you’re a great provider, you’re the best. Can you MAKE him any of these things just by telling him he is? I don’t know, but consider this: the alternative really sucks. The things my husband says to me are 1000 times more convincing than anyone else’s opinion on earth. Don’t think he won’t believe you because you’re married and you’re contractually obligated to say nice things. He’ll believe the shitty, insulting things you say, and the gloriously positive things.

5. Be proud and brag.Let your spouse hear you talking about them in glowing terms to other people. Be foolish. Be obvious. It will mean everything. You will stay married forever.

6. Do your own thing.Dan races bicycles. I write books. I don’t race bicycles or have any desire to race bicycles. He doesn’t write books, nor does he even read the books that I write. Seriously. And I don’t care. My opinion is that he’s the fastest, coolest most awesome bike racer ever. His opinion is that I’m the bestest, coolest writer ever. We don’t have to know all about cycling or writing in order to form these opinions -- in fact knowledge of literature or actually reading my book might damage Dan’s opinion of me as “best writer since the dawn of time.” We can still support each other without being all up in the other person’s stuff. Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that the other person has no idea, really, about, is awesome. It allows your spouse to be your cheerleader, uncomplicated by knowledge or personal investment. And it means you’ll always have stuff to talk about, because you’re not overlapping all the time. You don’t have to read the same books either. You don’t have to have the same friends.

7. Have kids.Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.

8. Get really good at sex.You’ve got all the time in the world to get really really good, not just at sex in general, but at having sex with your one particular husband. You should make it your life’s mission to become the perfect sex machine exactly for him. And he for you. There is no reason to hold back, or be embarrassed, or not ask questions, and get everything working properly. There’s absolutely no excuse for letting years drag on without becoming fully skilled, gifted sex partners for each other. It makes everything so much better. Does talking about this make you uncomfortable? How uncomfortable would it make you to know that your spouse is secretly, silently “just okay” with your sexual performance? Yeah. You want to last fifteen years, remember? That’s a long time to be mildly happy.

9. Move.Live in different houses. In different parts of the country. Travel. Make it so that you can look back and divide up your life into the years you spent in different cities, or different houses. If you’re feeling stuck geographically or physically, you can confuse yourself into thinking you’re stuck romantically. See your husband in different places, in different contexts, in different countries even. Try it. Take him to a mountaintop and give him another look. Pretty sexy. Take him to a new city and check out his profile. Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to change personally, or let your wife change as a person. Don’t worry about “growing apart.” Be brave and evolve. Become completely different. Don’t gather moss. Stagnation is unattractive.

10. Stop thinking temporarily.Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in “ifs” and “thens” even when you’ve publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won’t tolerate it. If I do this, he’ll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn’t pay more attention. It’s natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can get go of the idea that marriage is temporary, and will end if certain awful conditions are met, the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it’s absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you’re going to stay with him. He’s going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the “what if”s and “in case of”s.

11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious. Don’t ass around with a “hall pass” or a “harmless flirtation.” Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end. Don’t put your feet on a path that could lead someplace bad.

12. Make a husband pact with your friends.The husband pact says this: I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more. The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don’t really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this.

13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.This is one I did read somewhere in a magazine, and it’s totally true. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will. If you’re a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.

14. Be loyal.All the crap you read in magazines about honesty, sense of humor, communication, sensitivity, date nights, couples weekends, blah blah blah can be trumped by one word: loyalty. You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules. This is okay. The team is not adversarial, the team does not tear its members down, the team does not sabotage the team’s success. Teammates work constantly to help and better their teammates. Loyalty means you put the other person in your marriage first all the time, and you let them put you first. Loyalty means subverting your whims or desires of the moment to better meet your spouse’s whims or desires, with the full understanding and expectation that they will be doing the same. This is the heart of everything, and it is a tricky balance. Sometimes it sways one way and some the other. Sometimes he gets to be crazy, sometimes it’s your turn. Sometimes she’s in the spotlight, sometimes you. Ups and downs, ultimately, don’t matter because the team endures.

15. Trust the person you married.For two people who are trying to help each other, it can almost be harder to let the other person help you than it is to be the one who’s helping. It can be harder to let the other person deflect the fight than to be the one deflecting. It can be harder to believe that your husband is fully committed to a lifetime of marriage than to commit yourself. Harder to change yourself than to let the other person change. Harder to be loved than to love. Weird, but true. I’m saying this to everyone who’s newly married, and to myself: trust that person. Love them completely and let them love you. If it all goes to seed, it’s going to hurt either way. Better to have gone into it full throttle. Full throttle marriage is a thrilling ride.

This list is simply the best marriage advice I’ve ever read. It closely resembles a lot of what my parents live, and they are the best example of a happy marriage I’ve ever known. Like I said, I read this list often…do you agree with me that this is such smart advice? Do you do these 15 things with your husband or significant other?

{Lydia Netzer’s original article, complete with adorable pictures!}

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From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 4 Things Women Do That Men Will Never Understand

Hey beautiful people!

There's finally some brilliant sun accompanied by a dose of warmth here on the island! Not a cloud in the blue, blue sky, and no hint of rain or humidity! Whoo-hoo! This is making me giddy and I'm flitting around like a carefree butterfly... and in the process, the blokes here are looking at me as if I've just sprung up from a beaming light coming from a far away, unknown dimension...

I keep telling them - that's girls for you. This is who and how we are, but I suppose they're never gonna get it, poor souls.

And then I saw this article and thought it was perfect to illustrate my point!

As applicable to real-life ( just like my guys don't 'get' me, I'm sure yours don't, too) as it can apply to fiction and romance; some aspects of your heroine, well you poor hero is totally not gonna understand!

So here we go with this list. I grabbed the article from BettyConfidential, and you can view it online here.

And yeah - here they have to slug through Gossip Girl, not The Bachelorette. *grin* And I totally 'get' the pinning and 'stuff'...

Enjoy!

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4 Things Women Do That Men Will Never Understand

 

TV shows we obsess over, the joys of Pinterest, the need for chocolate...these are things that boggle a guy's mind.

Updated on July 15, 2012, 12:57 pm ET

By Elizabeth Marie

Communication and understanding are crucial in relationships. However, some things just can't be explained...to a man. Here are the four things women do that men will just never understand.

1. Have PMS.

Lets break it down. EVERY month like clockwork certain things happen. And every month you're surprised. You can't understand what it's like to have your body and mind taken over by an overly emotional, starving devil woman with a sweet tooth, so just call me on the 15th of every month and don't worry, I'll let you know. I'm fairly certain many men think PMS is some mystical party trick we bust out when we're feeling especially feisty...or hungry. As shocking as many men might find this, women don't like the joy ride our hormones take us on once a month and we don't understand it that much either! We don't have any idea why we burst into tears when you said, “You look nice” or called you an a-hole when you brought us breakfast in bed (egg whites? are you trying to tell me something? I'm fat, right?), but what we do know is that it doesn't last forever. Pro tip: If a woman is PMS-EY (medical term) more often than she's not, it's not hormones. If it is just a once a month thing, be grateful! You dodged a bullet, bro! Now give us a snickers and a hug.

2. Watch The Bachelorette.

I wonder how many men in America are being forced to spend two hours every Monday night watching Emily say, “I'm so excited” and make-out with guy after guy. My boyfriend watches it every week, meaning that he sits next to me reading Lakers news, occasionally making fun of the guys on the show. ”Jef...with one 'F'?” He also asks such riveting questions as, “Do any of these people actually get married and stay together?” or “You do know this is totally scripted, right?” First of all, YES! Trista and Ryan got married on T.V...umm...oh and Jason and Molly. So that's something. As for it being scripted and fake, of course it is. Women know that. We just don't care. Here's the secret--we aren't watching it because we think it's real. Quite the opposite--it's such a departure from real life that we enjoy zoning out in front of the TV, watching a pretty lil’ thing with a great wardrobe stylist fall in “love” in exotic locations, laughing at the cat fights and taking bets on who won't get a rose. We do this all the while knowing that real, true love is messy-true love takes more than a few fantasy dates to develop, and we feel pretty grateful that the guy on the couch next to us doesn't have 19 other girlfriends.

3. Waste time on Pinterest

When a guy asks you what you're doing and you're all, “I'm PINNING!” Don't be surprised when he stares at you blankly. It's safe to say that Pinterest was developed for the ladies. We love stuff. Wanting stuff. Being inspired by stuff. Planning for stuff. Pretending we're going to bake stuff, which is usually some random combination of bacon, blueberries and bourbon. And Pinterest is place to organize all of this stuff...into boards of more stuff! In other words, it's a time waster of epic proportions that sometimes gives us ideas on what to wear, what to cook and what to stuff next into a mason jar. With an arsenal of Pinterest boards at our disposal, we feel equipped to tackle any crucial challenge life might throw our way, like perfecting the fishtail braid or painting plaid onto our nails.

4. Say they have nothing to wear while standing in front of a closet full of clothes.

First of all, most of the time women don't mean this literally. Pointing out that there are tons of clothes hanging right in front of her is only going to get you yelled at. It doesn't matter if her walk in closet is bigger than a department store, when she feels like she has nothing to wear, is trying on every outfit she owns and is near tears, what she's really saying is, “I feel ugly in everything today.” Maybe it's PMS (see #1), or maybe it's just an off day. Instead of retreating to your man cave, help the girl out. If possible, find her yoga pants immediately! Or if she has to leave the house, scavenge for her softest, stretchiest, oldest pair of jeans and a black v-neck tee. Even dressier? The black dress that hugs her in all the right places. Then look her in the eyes and tell her she looks beautiful.

Tell us: what are some things men do that you'll never understand?

Elizabeth Marie is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site and maintains their popular We Love Dates blog. Keep in touch on Facebook or Twitter!

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From Mauritius with love,

Zee