Link Thursday: Dating Tricks For Every Age

Hey peeps

Still down in my kid-induced lobotomised state. Today he's not talking that much - at least to me! - but his big brother is home and they've got the Playstation out. So the noise is not only deafening, but mind-numbing as well. Plus they keep egging each other on, and I have to break fights...

Soooo... not in the mood for anything other than a pint of Haagen-Dasz dunked down in front of some reruns of Gossip Girl or some other perfect chick flick. Or better yet, a chick lit book (if I can get my brain to cooperate!).

In the spirit then of my current doldrums and the need for anything chick-whatever, I found this link to showcase today. Most of us are not dating, granted, since we're already married/settled. But there still is a big, wide world of dating out there and you do wanna keep pace with it.

And don't forget, your contemporary heroine will thank you for this! Keep her real - and what better way than knowing what's going on out there? Now though, heroine doesn't mean she's in her 20s. :)

So here's the article. It's actually a gallery from Glo, and you can click to view it online. Enjoy!

*****

Dating Tricks For Every Age

Through The Years
Navigating the dating scene can be a fun yet somewhat harrowing experience at any age. We asked Glo columnist Annabelle Gurwitch, co-author of You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story (which she wrote with her husband of 15 years) to draw upon her dating experience (both personal and observed) and share her advice for people in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond.

In Your 20s
During my 20s, I dated most of, if not all, the eligible men of Manhattan. And some, not so eligible. Don’t do anything in your 20s that you will still have to think about in your 30s. Follow my logic: If 40 is the new 30, then naturally, 20 is the new 10. So have fun, play nice and expect some bruises and tears.
Date Globally
Michael Caine famously noted that there was a time in his career when he chose films solely by their location (hence the classic clunker, Blame It on Rio). A great way to see the world is to date people in different countries. Skype has done away with those pesky telephone bills, and your 20s are a perfect time to travel — before you reach an age when you want to have your own pillow at all times.
Be Prepared
When shacking up, don’t forget your toothbrush and dental floss. The embarrassment of packing a toothbrush in your purse—even if you don’t end up needing it—pales in comparison to the pain of a root canal down the road.
Click With Caution
Here’s a lesson from my teenage son who just had an eight-hour “relationship.” Once he was single again (according to his Facebook relationship status), all his “friends” knew it. Facebook is tantamount to taking out a newspaper ad, so think twice before spilling the details of your dating life online.

In Your 30s
At this stage, it may feel like you have less time to squander on dating because you have so much you want to accomplish. But this is also when that first notion of “for the long haul" may enter your mind. So although you’re busy, make time to take a look around and survey the field.
See The Red Flags
Anyone you are considering dating at this point has developed something of a personality, even if they are still becoming the person they were meant to be. I used to always date loners, because they seemed “cool and reserved.” But these are often warning signs for “aloof and indifferent.” Just saying.
Be Wary Of "Projects"
So he does this thing where he picks his teeth with the side of a credit card? I can live with that. So his apartment is decorated in early dorm room? I can fix it up. So he breaks dates at the last minute? Uh-oh. Men are not fixer-uppers or “houses with good bones.” Take a good hard look before you leap!
Listen Up
Meet his friends. You can learn a lot more from them than your date might divulge: “You’re the first woman he’s dated that we’ve ever met, and we’ve been friends for 20 years!“ Has he ever had a relationship? Hmmm… this might be a red flag.

In Your 40s
Congratulations! You know who you are and what you like. Or, if you don’t know exactly who you are yet, at least you know who you aren’t and what you don’t like. You’re ready to act quickly, because you trust your instincts right? And, because you can keep your busy with other things that matter to you. Remind yourself of that on a daily basis.
Think Fast
It may seem crazy that in such a short time—say, over a quick cup of coffee—you know whether or not you want to see someone again, but consider this: In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell posited that snap decisions are often as good as, if not better than, carefully planned and considered ones.
Widen The Pool
Go back to dating tip number one from your 20s and broaden your search. If you live in a small community, then you may have already dated or been married to anyone you find attractive. Visiting family across the country? Traveling a lot for work? Get dressed up for the plane ride. You never know.
Get The Facts
If you’re dating online, just know that, on average, men add three to four inches to their height and subtract four to five years from their age on dating profiles. Worth bearing in mind.

In Your 50s
Look to fall in like, not necessarily in love. Keep an open mind about what kind of relationship you're seeking at this point in life. Love may supply us with a multitude of fever-pitch experiences and is a terrific prospect at any age, but a little low-intensity "like" can be fun, too.
Go Digital
If you decide to look for love (or like) online, then you'll inevitably find yourself writing a dating profile. This can be tricky. Your dog may be the cutest thing ever in an Easter bonnet, but posting this photo isn't always the best idea. (A man sees it and imagines you want to do the same thing to him.) Ask a close, objective pal for input.
Tell It Like It Is
Write about yourself carefully and accurately. The phrase “looking for some adventure” may get you an immediate response, but perhaps not the one you intended. If you really love adventures such as mountain climbing, spell it out—or be careful what you wish for.

******

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Writing Wednesday: What makes a character him/her... and how that makes you original!

I started a series of writing advice posts about Originality a few weeks ago on this blog. Then I got side-lined by the holidays, health mishaps, vacuum-suctioned time - you name it. I'd promised to bring this series back though, so here it is. Wanna go check what I'd said at the very start? The Difference in Similarity post holds it all.

Now what's today gonna be about? Backstory.

*I can hear groans out there* Bear with me, people!! :) I swear it's worth your while.

Not too long ago, I was chatting with a writer-wannabe (you'll understand why I describe him as such because frankly, he is clueless about the real writing world). He wanted to hit the writing hard and fast. Though he didn't have the high big hopes of hitting bestseller lists and making his first million right away, he was, well, clueless. His words: well, how hard can it be really? You pluck two people, put them in a setting, and make them fall in love.

Uh-oh, I thought. Mate, you got it completely wrong!

Him: Well, that's how it happens in real life!

Me: True, but before you pitch 2 people together, don't you stop to wonder if the bloke is maybe a football die-hard fan, and will the girl accept to become a football widow? Will she, on the other hand, maybe thrive within that position? What if her fave dish is seafood, and he carries an epinephrine pen always with him coz the mere smell of shellfish can send him into anaphylactic shock? What if, he has slugged to get his degree, and she never wanted to go beyond her O-levels?

Him: oh, why would I bother with stuff that's irrelevant? That's the past, babe (yes, he did say, babe.) I'm looking at the present, towards the future. Why bother thinking up stuff I'd never get to tell about, eh?

At some point after that, I politely wheedled out of the 'conversation'. No, really, I didn't want to burst his bubble. Someone else would do it (probably an agent or even a CP who doesn't hold back the punches.)

The point being here - people are who they are because of all they've been through. Their backstory shapes them into what they are, into how they view and attack/savour life, how they approach people, what makes or breaks situations/relationships for them.

You might not get to make your absolutely scintillating backstory shine out out to everyone's eyes because that part of their life is not gonna get written, but don't think you can scrimp on that aspect. Just Don't!!

Why? Because this utterly scintillating and riveting backstory can in fact be your treasure trove of originality. It can give you new directions, give a complete Botox+Restylane lifting to your sagging middle, provide a bombshell ending.

Here's an example - Gossip Girl, Season 1.

Cliffie note: IT Girl of the former summer, Serena Van der Woodsen, is spotted back in Manhattan after she disappeared off the map for a year. Everyone recalls the party-loving, booze-chugging, drug-snorting, shag-anything Serena, but the girl who's come back in a new Serena. She's looking for a second chance, and has to face the very human demons she left behind - her best frenemy, Blair Waldorf, aka B; B's boyfriend since kindergarten, Nate Archibald, whom Serena, aka S, had shagged just before she did her disappearing act; S's socialite and serial-divorcee mother, Lilly, who's eager as always to hide the family secrets in the deep, dark corner.

All right, this is the start of Season 1. We know that S's backstory is that of the uber party girl. The story of Season 1 is how S comes back and wants to start a new life, especially with Dan, the guy from downtown who's always been in love with her. The bitchiness runs riot between S and B - B will stoop to all levels to get revenge from S for sleeping with Nate. Throw in some Chuck Bass in there, and you get total mayhem.

Fast forward, middle of the season. S and Dan are together. S and B have made up and are BFFs again. S and Nate have called a truce even though Nate still loves S and not B (typical of GG). S's mother is getting married to Chuck's father.

What else can happen? Think, think, think people! Uh, I admit I hit a blank...

Then Serena receives a gift package. And another. In there, stuff reminiscent of her 'old' lifestyle. Is it a prank by the devilish Chuck, who's about to become S's stepbrother... or is it something... someone... else?

That's how the biatch of all biatches, daughter of Satan himself, psychopathic sociopath and former BFF of S comes into the season. Her name? Georgina Sparks. She wants the old S back, and will stop at nothing to get back the kind of depraved life the two of them used to live.

**Pause button** Where does this biatch come from?

Uhm... Serena's backstory maybe...? Damn right!

The last third of Season 1 then has S facing her real demons. It has Blair, Nate and Chuck (the most unexpected of all unexpected love triangles) rallying and overcoming their differences to help S get her life back from the evil Georgina. It also sets the scene for the downward slope of S and Dan's relationship - will they survive Georgina who is now passing herself off as Dan's good friend Sarah, and will S's past play against her, when it is already obvious she made a heck of an effort to change and be a better person?

A lot of the GG fans say that the Georgina episodes were among the most riveting ones of the whole season. Yet, all this wouldn't have been possible, Georgina herself wouldn't have existed, if the creators of GG hadn't beefed up Serena's backstory. That's where they went when things slowed and lagged. That's how they took this series from a possibly boring rich upper crust slice of life full of bitchiness and boyfriend thieving to one that had an original twist, all through the 'history' of one of its main characters.

Another perfect example of backstory giving originality in GG is the relationship between Lilly, Serena's mother, and Rufus, Dan's father. Socialite Lilly had wanted to become a photographer, and her model of choice was rock star Rufus, in their youth. 20 years later, their children are dating, but the flame is still burning strong between these two. On the eve of her marriage to Bart Bass, Lilly has a one-night stand with Rufus. Who will she choose - future, or revisit the past?

Next time you are beefing up your characters before you even start telling their stories, take a turn into their lives, their pasts, their backstories. You never know when and how you might hit gold and have that perfect twist/detail that will take your story from generic to wow, and also, totally originally yours!

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Gir-- Oops, wrong siggie... :)

From Mauritius with love,

Zee