Hey peeps!
Continuing once again with this list I started a few weeks ago. Women are full of insights about themselves, and what being a woman, especially in a relationship, is all about. Read on for some amazing tidbits from the mouths of women like you and me. Get your guys to listen, and authors - take a peek at how to make your heroine more 'real'.
You can view the last post from this series
here (and grab the links to prior posts)... or you can go straight to the original list with its 1,000 tidbits from the
Esquire.com website.
Enjoy!
*****
1,000
Things You Don't Know About Women
No. 20: Putting your hand on the
small of a woman's back is as potent and powerful as buying her two drinks.
Just so long as you know the girl. Otherwise it's just weird. — Anna
Ferguson, 27, St. Simons, Georgia
No. 78: Presentation counts.
Wrap your gift and iron your shirt. — Merritt Watts, 25, New York
No. 88: We find your inability
to ask for directions or go to the doctor every bit as bewildering as you find
our inability to pass by a shoe sale. — Pat Morrissey, 50, Shamong, New
Jersey
No. 442: For special occasions,
it's the effort of taking us out that matters most, not where we end up going.
Unless it's a McDonalds drive-thru. — Carly Hansen, 22, Santa Barbara,
California
No. 934: A deep voice. And some
stubble. — Amanda Rawson, 22, Worcester, Massachusetts
No. 12: We like wearing your
pants. Not wearing "the pants" — wearing your actual pants. They fit
better. — Stacey Berman, 22, Brooklyn
No. 567: You think lesbians are
hot; we think gay guys are willing to shop, clean up after themselves, and keep
up on gossip. You have your fantasies; we have ours. — Katharine Francis,
28, Lafayette, California
No. 124: Electronics clipped to
your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man
who needs them to save lives, not send e-mail. — Rachel Sturtz, 28, New York
No. 900: There are pretty much no
conditions under which sporting a soul patch is attractive. A trumpet virtuoso
might be able to carry it off, but even he looks like he's hiding something
small but terrible. — Katy Steinmetz, 25, Washington, D.C.
No. 205: We don't like it when
you put your hands on our waists. You're not supposed to know about our Spanx.
You're just supposed to think our tummies look that flat naturally. Mind your
business. — Kirsten Hall, 35, New York
No. 400: Pay attention to the
sides. The sides of her face. The sides of her breasts. The sides of her torso.
The sides of her hips. The sides of her thighs. A woman's body is not a set of
three or four important dots connected by unimportant skin. — Elspeth
Golden, 44, San Francisco
No. 17: You court with flowers;
we court with a higher frequency of waxing treatments. — Staci Brinkman, 27,
Dallas
No. 325: We love the un-expected
kiss. Especially the one when you stop us midsentence and make us forget what
the hell we were talking about in the first place. — Stephanie Mitchell, 41,
Dayton
No. 4: The baby talk is
strange if there is no baby around. — Chontelle Matthews, 26, Bowie,
Maryland
No. 671: Please do not ever,
ever let us see you naked if you are still wearing your socks. — Pat
Dunnigan, 47, Chicago
No. 722: Make your bed every day
and change the sheets once a week. That vague goatlike smell guys get will remind
us of our brother, and you will be sleeping alone. — Melinda Meggyesy, 31,
Seattle
No. 356: Please remember that if
we hang out with a bunch of guys, it doesn't make us one. — Christina Raine,
20, Richmond, California
No. 820: If the world were a
beach, we would want you to throw us in the ocean and then protect us from the
waves. — Krista Iovino, 32, New York
No. 501: We don't want a man
more polished than us. Slightly wrinkled and smelling a bit of sweat and a bar
of soap? Fantastic. — Christine Siltanen, 38, Portland, Oregon
No. 72: Lending us books is one
of the most romantic things you can do. — Jessica Wakeman, 26, Bayonne, New
Jersey
No. 100: We don't need special
moves. Just do the regular ones right. — Katie Dinardo, 23, Brooklyn
No. 46: Don't use our makeup. —
Maryann Fitzgerald, 47, Los Angeles
No. 11: We like our heroes
flawed. That way, they can rescue us, but it gives us room to rescue them, too.
— Beth Young Margulies, 36, Bethesda, Maryland
No. 63: The most chivalrous
thing a man can do is let you have the last piece of bacon. — Sung-Hee Park,
30, New York
No. 204: We don't want to wear
our bra more than you want to see us not wearing our bra. — Whitney Webb,
22, Blacksburg, Virginia
No. 318: We want to see you cry
every once in a while-it makes you human. To find out how often is acceptable,
divide the number of cries by the number of no-holds-barred, screaming orgasms
you've given us. If the quotient is greater than 0.25, you're a whiny bitch. —
Carrie Dienhart, 34, Kansas City, Missouri
No. 605: You only get to ask
once about the threesome. — Crystal Taub, 34, Baltimore
No. 559: Please notice and
comment on our choice of fragrance. We paid a lot for that teeny bottle of
Chanel. — Hanady Kader, 25, Seattle
No. 801: We play with our boobs.
Who wouldn't? Even though we complain about them, they're still fun. — Kelly
Heintz, 23, Fresno, California
No. 48: When we say that
nothing is wrong, we mean that you should know what is wrong without us having
to tell you. — Lara Ehrlich, 28, Chicago
No. 3: Please don't write us
poetry or compose us music. Unless writing is actually part of your job
description, like if you are Tom Waits. — Brenna Ehrlich, 25, Brooklyn
No. 92: We don't want to get
married tomorrow, either. There are a lot of celebrities we want to bang before
we settle down. — Kelsey Allen, 21, Columbia, Missouri
No. 483: We don't like it when
you pull your shirt off from the front. Be a man and pull it over your head
from the back. — Molly Rosen, 33, New York
No. 915: We rarely ask a question
we don't already know the answer to. So, we know you don't think she's hotter
than us, or we wouldn't ask. — Lisa Huber, 38, Teutopolis, Illinois
No. 50: No, it's not all right
that you didn't plan anything for our birthday even though we told you not to. —
Carla Michelle Coley, 24, Washington, D. C.
No. 8: If you are making out
with a girl and she didn't shave her legs, you have great game. At the
beginning of the night, she wasn't planning on doing anything. — Janna
Johnson, 24, New York
No. 23 We want you to never
stop hunting us. Even if we married you. Remember why you got the gig. Don't
make the trailer the only fun in the whole production. That's misleading. —
Avril Dell, 46, Toronto
No. 744: Don't comment on our
driving. There's a reason your insurance is more expensive. — Diane Vadnal,
20, Des Plaines, Illinois
No. 659: Know how to go to a
nice restaurant and dine. Eating and talking together is phenomenal foreplay. —
Joanna Breger, 36, Wilmington, Delaware
No. 77: We want you to think we
are pretty. Every now and then, when we get all fixed up, act for a minute like
we make it hard for you to breathe. — Shannon Purvis, 45, Novato, California
No. 516: We look into your minds
by reading your magazines. — Lisa Alva, 49, Los Angeles
No. 668: Please don't splay your
legs on the bus, subway, or airplane. We know you don't need all that space.
Don't flatter yourself. — Grace Zerzan, 27, New York
No. 447: Sometimes, we just want
to make out on the couch like we're back in high school. That includes your hands
wandering and everything. — Kim Melton, 23, Albuquerque
No. 814: Most of us have
considered a threesome. Just not with our boyfriends. — Melanie Smeltzer,
22, Phoenix
No. 15: It's not always
chocolate or a foot massage. Sometimes it's Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. —
Caitlin Goldin, 24, Charlottesville, Va.
No. 61: If it's cold, put on
gloves. Your balls are not a hand warmer. — Jennifer Wallerstein, 26, New
York
No. 40: We think you're high
maintenance, too. — Naomi Pabon-Figueroa, 25, Pittsburgh
No. 705: Men don't understand a
woman's obsession with celebrity gossip — who's pregnant, who's getting
divorced, who made a fool of themselves. It makes us feel better about
ourselves. — Cassidy Parker, 25, Brooklyn
No. 39 Panties is a guy word.
We call it underwear. — Elisa Benson, 26, New York
No. 5: We don't have penises.
When we're fondling away, some encouragement and direction is appreciated. When
we direct you as you're spelunking nether-ward on our bodies, don't be offended
— be grateful we're preventing you from losing all use of your thumb for a
week. — Beth Carswell, 32, Victoria, British Columbia
*****
From Mauritius with love,
Zee
