Link Thursday: 10 Things Women Do Better Than Men

Hey peeps!


Let me say right off the bat that this is not a post bashing men! I'm all for equality and all that, but I'm not one of those feminists who say women are everywhere better than men. There's stuff women are great at and men totally suck at, and vice versa. In between the spectrum, you can find both sexes in marginal amounts.

That being said, this article was spot on with some issues. Check it out, and you'll agree with me. These are (mostly) based on fact and observation, so it's not male-bashing and women-glorifying.

The article is from Cosmopolitan, and I accessed it here on the MSN Living, Inspire section.

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10 Things Women Do Better Than Men

1. We evolve hotter.

A recent study revealed that women are getting better looking through evolution; meanwhile, men are staying the same. After following more than 2,000 people through four decades of life, the study showed that attractive women had 16 percent more children than average-looking chicks and that beautiful people are 36 percent more likely to have a daughter as their firstborn. All those gorgeous daughters mean more beautiful women than in past generations.

2. We survive car accidents more often.

This is sad but true: Men are 77 percent more likely to die in a car accident than women, according to a study done by Carnegie Mellon University. Our boyfriends should be thanking us when we nag them to "Wear your seatbelt!"

3. We're better at seeking comfort.

A Mind survey of 2,000 people revealed that women are far more likely than men to talk through their problems. Fifty-three percent of women talk to their friends about what's stressing them out, as opposed to 29 percent of men.

4. We're more recession-proof.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 80 percent of those who have lost their jobs since December 2007 have been men. Ouch. This could be because male-dominated fields have been hit the hardest, like manufacturing and finance. That really sucks...but hey, maybe it's time more men became nurses and educators.

5. We graduate college more often.

We already know that female enrollment is higher than male, but the Department of Education's statistics reveal that men are also less likely than women to graduate and get their bachelor's degrees. Men are also more likely to take longer than five years to complete their degree.

6. We eat healthier.

A survey of more than 14,000 people, conducted by the University of Minnesota, showed that women choose far healthier foods than men. While men are more likely to chow down on frozen pizza and red meat, women are piling fruits and veggies onto their plates. It all sounds pretty obvious, but we get so much grief for our chocolate addictions that we just had to point this one out!

7. We have stronger immune systems.

No wonder men act like such babies when they have a sniffle -- women really do have stronger immune systems than men! If there are little battles going on in our bodies, women have a secret weapon: estrogen. A study done by McGill University indicated that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections. That's because estrogen confronts a certain enzyme that often hinders the body's first line of defense against bacteria and viruses.

8. We live longer.

Among the world's population of those who are over 100 years old, 85 percent are women, according to the New England Centenarian Study. In general, women continue to live five to 10 years longer than men as well.

9. We're better managers, especially in this economy.

This one is a little controversial, but a slew of experts are confident that women make greater bosses because they are better listeners, mentors, problem solvers, and multitaskers than their male counterparts. In a recent Daily News article, management expert Jay Forte said, "It's a very service-oriented economy [right now], so you need employees to be motivated. Women are better connectors than men and more astute about knowing how to activate passion in their employees."

10. We invest better.

A study of 100,000 portfolios showed that women's investment returns outperform men's, 18 percent to 11 percent. This could be because women are typically more cautious with their investment decisions and think longer term.


*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 44 Best Places To Meet Eligible Men...or Where To Find Your Next Hero

Hey peeps

How many of you know of couple/s who have met when one rear-ended the other's car, or they were were both involved in a car accident?

Not many, right?

But make your Hero/heroine meet this way in a romance, and you're writing up a cliche!

As romance authors, we are constantly prompted and prodded to make our main protagonists meet in unusual/original ways.

So where on earth do you find eligible men???

My single friends ask the same thing, and though us-married-for-ages-half-of-a-couple tell them "it'll happen when you least expect it," that's not exactly what those girls want to hear.

With both these issues in mind - for the romance writer and for the single gal - here's a link to an article that highlights 44 places you can meet eligible men today.

The article is from All Women Stalk and is written by Mercy.

Enjoy!

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44 Best Places To Meet Eligible Men

Places to Meet Eligible Men become more and more scarce these days. Heck, even eligible men as they are have become a rare species. And what do we single ladies do about this? Well, my guess is it can go 2 ways – either we sit and wait for the good men to sweep us off our feet or we simply take the first step toward our destiny and check out the best places to meet eligible men to see if our future boyfriends or husbands might be there? Well, if you are like me and you are choosing the second option, let’s get ready for some action and take a quick look at this fabulous list of 44 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men!



1. The bar

This may be one of the oldest ways to meet a man, but it still works. Free flowing beer makes it easier to approach your target! However, if ‘commitment’ is on your mind, then look elsewhere!

2. The market

Whether it’s the shopping mall or the supermarket these places are loaded up with good looking folks. Chances are you’ll find someone who lives in your neighbor and likes coffee the way you do. A bookstore is another place to meet someone with similar tastes – at least in literature!

3. Online

This is the latest method of meeting single men. There are several online dating sites where you can check out profiles and photographs. The best one I’ve heard of is PlentyofFish.com, because all the services there are free. But there are others like Match.com, Chemistry.com (Limited time offer – 7 Day Free Trial) or Perfectmatch.com that too seem to be pretty good, although you’ll have to spend some money on membership. Online dating became a relatively safe method as you can get to know your date before you go out with him.

4. Church

Church is a good place to meet men who share the same faith and moral grounding. If you’re a single mom, this may be a good place to find serious men who are looking for a life partner rather than a night out on the town.

5. The water cooler

If you can get past the gossip, the office is a place where romance can be sparked. Being in such close proximity with colleagues can lead to an office romance. Finding someone of the same intellectual level may be easier at the workplace than at the bar!

6. Newspapers

Check out the newspapers for announcements regarding neighborhood picnics, square dances, tours and special events. These are great places to meet new people, especially single men! Go ahead strike up a conversation. You might end up meeting your spouse.

7. College …

If you’re taking some classes at the local college this could be an opportunity to meet eligible men. There are seminars and short courses that you can participate in. Not only can you get an education but you can find that perfect someone perhaps sitting right next to you.


8. Friends

Get your friends to help if you’re serious about finding a man. Attend parties where there is a good mix of singles. Be friendly, outgoing and be seen! You can even throw a party yourself and tell friends to bring their friends along.

9. Gym

While you exercise your muscles you can exercise your heart as well. The gym is a great place to meet single men, specially the hot men! You’ll know in advance that they value their health and you know what to expect when thir expensive suit comes off, so that’s a good starting point!

10. Favorite diner or restaurant

Notice the guy who’s having dinner by himself at the far corner table? Well, what you waiting for? Get a waiter to introduce you or do it yourself. Either way, make a move.

11. Work

Either in your office or in the accounting on the 19th floor there must be that cute, nice, good-looking guy who makes your heart tick. Figure out where exactly he works, what’s his name, if he’s available, and let the flirting beging! Who knows, maybe the guy in the next cubicle is the one you were looking for all this time!

12. Vacation

I know they say that relationships that started on vacation never last, but that was way back in the 20th century! Now that air fares are getting lower and lower and Internet live video chats is the most common thing out there – why not to give a great man you met on a vacation a chance? Who knows, maybe in a couple of months you’ll decide you want to live together?

13. Parks

When I say parks I mean day time, safe places downtown, where people go to get some fresh air during lunch break, after work or on weekends. For your own safety, please don’t stay there after dark. But during the day, you’ll be surprised at how many young good looking men spend an hour or so sitting on a bench reading, working on their laptops or just watching other people. Just sit next to the one you like the most and if he is in the mood for conversation, you’ll know it!

14. Airplane

These days we spend a good couple of hours every month flying here and there. Next time you have a flight, look out for cute guys who might too be flying the same plane. And who knows, maybe your seat will be next to his!

15. House Party

Any party is always a fun way to meet people but with a house party, everything is so much more in your control and it’s comforting to know that common friends are involved. So throw a fun little party, invite all your friends and tell them to invite their friends (preferably single). You never know who you may end up meeting and if nothing, at least they’ll be grateful for the awesome party!

16. Acting workshop

If you’re not shy and love an audience, why not join an acting class. You will meet tons of taleneted, fun, outgoing men and you’ll have a ready excuse to flirt with them. What? You’re only playing your part! Besides, you’ll figure out quite early on who you do and do not share chemistry with and the rest will be history.

17. Art exhibits

They say that without art, the earth is just “eh”. Sorry I read that somewhere today and had to share. Back to the point, art exhibits are one of the best places to meet eligible men. Whether you are an art lover or not, an exhibit will give you an opportunity and an excuse to chat with different men, get to know them, perhaps flirt a little and if the chemistry is just right, maybe you could take the party elsewhere.

18. Book Club

If you love reading, one of the best ways to meet like-minded men is through a book club. Think about it. You read, you share opinions, you find similarities, you hit it off, you fall in love…Okay, I’ll stop.

19. Blood drive

This one is definitely not for the squeamish! If you watch The Office, you’ve probably seen the episode where Michael runs into this pretty woman while donating blood and hits it off instantly. That could be you. Strike up a conversation with someone who’s next to you or if you see a cutie by the snack table, ask him what he recommends for strength building.Who knows, you may end up deciding that dinner is the best option. And even if you don’t end up meeting someone, you’ve at least helped save a life.

20. Rock Climbing Center

If you’re adventurous, a rock climbing center is one of the best places to meet eligible men. According to a study, nearly two-thirds of wall climbers are male so imagine your chances of meeting someone wonderful and exciting. Plus rock climbing is fun with lots of scope for “accidental” touching and flirting and such. Ah I’m just a pervert sometimes.

21. Wine/Scotch Tasting

If a bar is much too loud and chaotic for your liking, how about going to a wine/scotch tasting event? It’s a lot calmer, quieter and not to mention, sober. Whether you actually know your wines or feign innocence, you are bound to meet an eligible bachelor or two. Besides, it gives you plenty of time to “work the room” and figure out your options.

22. Running Club

A friend actually met his current girlfriend through a running club so if you’re into outdoor sports, find a local running club, put on your shoes and get out there! Men in running shorts are so cute and if nothing else, at least you’ll get back in shape.

23. Community Service

Giving back to the community is always a great thing and who knows, your karma might actually earn you an eligible man. There are plenty of places where you can volunteer so take your pick and give away. At the end of the day, you know you’re going to meet someone who cares…

24. Weddings

I know that the common belief is that all single men at weddings just want to get laid but I beg to differ. Some of them are perfectly charming, pre-bride approved gentlemen that are out there looking for eligible women. You just need to give them a chance. Just don’t get too drunk and you’ll see what I mean.

25. Dance class

I know you’re probably wondering why dance classes are on the list of best places to meet eligible men since they usually have more women than men but it’s definitely worth a shot considering you will be forced to physically interact with potential hotties. If you feel the chemistry and if the small talk is intriguing enough, hang back, get to know him better and see where it goes…

26. Laundromats

The only thing that makes the idea of laundry bearable is the possibility of meeting a cute guy and if you run into someone who fits that description, do not hesitate tochat him up. What could it hurt right?

27. Jury Duty

It may sound boring but think about this. Other bored, possibly wonderful eligible men could be out there and they have nothing to do but chat you up. Sound good? So yep, don’t ignore your civic duty the next time you receive a summons in the mail.

28. Ski Resorts

You might probably need to wait till winter for this one, but hey, it’s great to have a B plan if you will be looking for a hot date to take to all the Holiday parties. Knowing how to ski is not necessary, you can try and learn, but if you just go to the resort to relax or have fun with your friends, you’ll be surprised at the dozens of sporty good looking eligible men having a hot drink in the bar after an exhausting day of skiing. And is there a more romantic place to find the man of your dreams than under the stars in the middle of snow covered mountains?

29. Reality Shows

If all else fails and I mean ALL else, reality shows like the Bachelorette seem like a fun way to meet a lot of men who want to make you the center of their attention. I mean, who wouldn’t want that! Oh wait, this is about eligible men… I need to cut down on T.V.

30. In the Navy

One of the best places to meet eligible men is, unquestionably, the Navy. Even if you don’t want to make the commitment of joining the Navy, you can make yourself available during shore leaves and Fleet Weeks. These men are brave, handsome, and generally dying to get away from all those boys!

31. Walking the dog

Most guys love dogs, so when you’re walking your pooch, you’ve got a great opportunity to meet one. Big dogs like Labradors and Retrievers are always a great draw, but if you have a little dog, don’t worry. Many men have a secret love for the little dogs as well. If you’re friendly and make eye contact (and if your dog doesn’t try to mark his territory in an awkward spot), you should be golden!

32. The hardware store

You’ll be surprised at what a great place it is to meet men. First of all, almost all the clients are men and so are the sales assistants. And being a woman, you’ll find it natural to ask for help that cute stranger who will gladly explain you the difference between this and that tool. Who knows, he might ask you out for coffee to continue the conversation…

33. The tech store

Tech stores are men magnets. I do not know a single guy who would pass on the opportunity to come and take a look at some new weird plasma TV or sound system or whatever it is he’s read about on his favorite tech blog. So take it from me, most customers in tech stores are also men, and many of them are very good looking. Now, you’ll surely see a couple of married guys (of course), but you’ll be surprised at the number of single guys browsing these stores. Give this one of the best places to meet eligible men a try and you won’t regret it.

34. Museums

Now, I know this might sound a little cliche, but what’s the best way to meet someone, when you are visiting a new city than going to a local museum. There are hundreds of single men who, just like you, want to check the museums off their lists when they travel to a new city and believe me, they’ll be happy to have a conversation with a cute girl, especially when there are so many conversational pieces around. Museums are also fantastic for meeting artsy guys and foreigners, so if you are feeling adventures, this is the place to meet eligible men.

35. The bowling alley

I know you probably think, how old the guys in the bowling alley would be? 60? 70? But don’t be so quick, I have personally seen a couple of times guys coming in in groups for a little game. And may I say, some of them were very cute.

36. The golf course

Ditto on this one, although golfing can be quite a bit more boring than bowling. The difference is, the course isn’t so loud and crowded either, and you can really get a chance to talk to a guy. If he looks really into the game, let it pass, but if he’s with some friends and they’re chatting together as much as golfing, go for it!

37. Casinos

Although loud, casinos can also be great places to meet eligible men. You don’t want to talk to a guy when he’s right in the middle of a heavy game or anything, but if you’re both playing Blackjack, if you’re sitting at the slots, or one of you is throwing dice, then you can start a conversation. It’ll be casual, but that can lead to other things.

38. Concerts

Concerts are a fantastic place to meet eligible men, especially if it’s your favorite performer. You will instantly have an interest in common and when you are a fan of something it’s so easy to bond with the other person. The connection sparks instantly, so try this place to meet eligible men and see who you meet!

39. At a club

Now, many guys just go to clubs to hook up. A lot of them aren’t necessarily looking for someone to date. However, there are exceptions to every rule, and that is the only reason nightclubs made it onto the list. You have to have an eagle eye, but if you spot this guy, you’ll be glad. He likes to dance and hang out and have a good time, but he isn’t the boy who’s only into ranking up as many one night stands as possible.

40. The beach

The beach is not just a great place to meet eligible men, it’s a fantastic place! See, guys who go to the beach generally fall into three different categories. They go alone, and depending on what you see them doing, that probably means they’re single (so if you can think up an approach, do it!). They go with a group of guy friends, and again, you can typically tell by their behavior if they’re single. Or, they go with their wives or girlfriends. If you see a guy spreading lotion on someone else, just play it safe and scratch him off your list!

41. At a cigar bar

I don’t know many girls who like cigar bars, but I know plenty of guys who do! Sure, you’re going to be entering forbidden territory, but it might well be worth it. These places have tons of eligible guys, and the kicker is, most of them think any girl in a cigar bar is automatically cool!

42. A sushi bar

Surprisingly, more and more men start loving sushi. And nowadays, when you pop into a nice such restaurant you see more men and women. Some of them are having business dinner, others are meeting with a friend, but there are those, sitting at the bar, having dinner after work on their own – and those are you could easily sit next to and perhaps strike a conversation if you feel like it. Or he’ll be the first to talk, guys are usually like that – they catch your eye and they just start talking to you.

43. The bookstore

Meeting men at a bookstore is just tops, especially if you’re a big reader. You know he shares your interests, you automatically have plenty to talk about, and since most bookstores provide little chairs and comfy couches, you already have a cozy spot to get to know one another. What could be better?

44. A networking event

A networking event can be dull as hell or it can be fun and interesting. To make sure it’s the latter, take a friend of yours from work with you, make sure your hair’s done and you are dressed nicely and you’ll definitely turn a few heads. A lovely place to meet eligible men, if you ask me!

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: The 15 Defining Moments in a Relationship

Hey beautiful people!

Link Thursday and its (somewhat relevant to you!) article is back. I dunno about you, but Thursday is one of my favourite days, because I get to share with you all some of what my trips around cyberspace look like. And I get to share with you information that I think might be helpful to you as a writer (come on, we all know we get ideas, yes, but then we gotta research and back these ideas, don't we?); or as a woman out there in the world, whether you're single, married, in a relationship, a mother, a friend... in short, a heroine in your own right. :)

So today's link is something that has intrigued me ever since I saw the post, and I thought it was highly relevant both to our own lives, and to those of the characters we pen in our romance novels.

Are there defining moments in a relationship? You know, when things suddenly look 'serious' and going toward a more definite direction...

Here's a list of 15 defining moments in every relationship. You might not have had all of them yet; you might not experience each and every one; you might have your own version of what makes a defining moment in your relationship.

I grabbed this from MSN Lifestyle, Your Life segment, a few days ago. You can access the link and check out the slideshow in its original form. The article is by Amy Spencer.

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The 15 Defining Moments In A Relationship

By Amy Spencer

Your first kiss isn’t the only milestone you can enjoy. Take and step back to examine just where you are on the road of your relationship and take pleasure in all your firsts-- from fighting to murmuring those three little words.
First times come in many forms. But which of these great moments should you relish and remember and which ones are just you being mushy? In relationship world, we say they all count. Here’s our top 15.

1. First Talk

Your first talk till dawn
Astronomers say it takes just over eight minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth. And that's about how long it feels you've been talking, though it's been over eight hours. "My God, look at the time!" you both say, cursing the violet sky. But it's a good sign if all you want to do is talk for a few million more trips into space and back.

2. First Kiss

The first kiss
We know: Duh. But how could we not mention that Big Red moment? It's like no other feeling in the world.

3. Girlfriend?

When he introduces you as "my girlfriend"
It's so utterly high school that the title still straightens your spine. But how can it not? You're now officially pinned, picked, branded, wanted.

4. First Morning

The first morning after
Some guys you wouldn't share a beet salad with, let alone a whole night. "You want coffee?" he asks the next morning, tossing the duvet your way as he pads to the kitchen. Please, he's saying by the ease of his actions, stay.

5. I Love You?

Finding the nerve to say "I love you"
Jessica Simpson seems content to do so through national magazines. For the rest of us, though, the moment is fraught with anxiety: What if he stares at us blankly? What if we're saying it too soon, and…Sorry, what was that? You do? Oh, thank God.

6. First We

The first time you write "we" in an e-mail to your friends
And they don't write back, "We? Who the hell is we?"

7. First Fight

The first time you fight and make up
Let's be honest: If you never fight, someone's not speaking up. Consider it like an oil change: a healthy way to clean out gunk so you can get back to the joy ride.

8. First Trip

That first trip together
What better way to gauge how you'll fare on your journey through life than to see how you survive hours of snaking security lines? It's also when you establish who'll get the window seat for the duration of your relationship--so act fast, woman.

9. First Grocery Shop

The first time you grocery shop together
You know how his lips taste after a workout and a cold beer. You know to give him five minutes alone when he shakes his head in a "work sucked" kind of way. But to watch this man slip a family-size Fruit Loops into the basket with a dopey grin on his face--that's when you realize you still have worlds to learn about each other.

10. First Control

The first time he lets you control his car/remote/iPod
Seriously, you don’t know how hard it is for him to hand over something he worships so much. Not as much as he worships you, of course, but close. Scary close

11. The Future?

The moment you see a future with him
Some women could imagine having a future with the guys in a J. Crew catalog. But with the man you love, the future you see is sure-footed and sane: A foot rub after a long day. A laundry basket and a loving squeeze (though if he's folding, you really are dreaming).

12. First Notice

When you notice you are no longer primping for him
Whoops! You're sitting on the couch in your time-of-the-month undies. Yet he's looking at you more lovingly than when you're all gussied up. Clearly, my dear, this is the real deal.

13. First Doctor Visit

Going to the doctor together for the first time
Need reason number 652 to stay fit? Have a long sit in a waiting room for someone you love. You'll vow never to have to be there for something worse, because now you need to be healthy for each other.

14. Caring Together

When you care for something together
It doesn't really matter if it's a tomato garden or Rufus the drooling French bulldog. But when you're both responsible for taking care of another living thing, your pairing becomes much more important. Be proud as you watch it grow.

15. Your Commitment

When you commit--we're talking long-term commit--to each other
On the one hand, it feels a bit like picking partners in the schoolyard. ("You want me on your team? Really? Me too!") On the other, it's a watershed moment, when you find yourself so profoundly lucky that someone you adore so much feels exactly the same way about you.

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I add my own Defining Moment here - Silence. The first time there's utter silence between you, & you don't feel the need to rush and fill it with words.
When you're alone for the first time (not on a date, say at your place or his), and what should've been an awkward moment is suddenly the most natural thing in the world, when the quiet is just another way you two are communicating. :)

What constitutes a defining relationship moment for you? Drop me a comment and let me know.

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: Why He Hasn't Proposed Yet - Commitment Issues Men Run Into

Hello beautiful people

*wringing hands with glee* A hero with commitment issues... Sounds like most of the romance books descriptions out there, innit? You run into the same old, same old conflicts (burned by an old flame, won't give up independence, that sort of thing).

Want to keep your story, and your hero's conflict, fresh? Then take a look at this article down here. It lists some more reasons why some men are reluctant to commit and tie the knot.

And for all you single ladies out there - or even those waiting for a proposal - here's some insight into that elusive creature called 'Man'.

The article is from MSN Lifestyle, Love & Relationships, and is written by Brenda Della Casa. You can access the slideshow online here.

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Why He Hasn't Proposed (Yet)

Think every man who doesn't propose is afraid to commit? Don't be so sure. Read on for eight very real reasons even a man in love might not pop the question.

by Brenda Della Casa

His Parents' Marriage Didn't Make It

Our parents' relationship offers us our first glimpse of the pros and cons of marriage, so if his mom and dad communicated best through lawyers, saying "I do" might be a huge don't. "I know a few guys who remember their parents' relationship as being full of poison, and the idea of marriage brings up the pain they felt when their parents divorced," says Steve, 31, of Boston. "So instead of proposing to the women they loved, they broke things off when it got to that point in their relationships."

Many men place the same emphasis on their career as some women do on their relationship status, which means that unless he's made a name for himself at the office, he likely won't be asking you to take his. Lisa Daily, author of How to Date Like a Grown-Up, says, "Most men want to have all their ducks in a row before proposing — they want to feel secure about their career prospects and financial situation before taking on a wife."

Just as you want to enjoy the excitement of something new and mysterious, so do men. "A lot of guys realize they are going to live to be 80, which means they will have to deal with the same person for 50 to 55 years," says Dave, 32, of Chicago. "And unless there's an effort to keep things exciting, that can get monotonous."

He's Turned Off by Weddings

"A lot of men think the whole wedding industry makes a mockery of marriage, and they get really turned off by how obsessed women get with it," says Harold, 34, from Chicago. "It's really unattractive when a woman you love freaks out about napkins, and it makes a lot of men wonder why women are so into getting married. Is it the diamond and the party or him?"

He's Not Ready to Be a Dad

Mark, 33, from Sacramento, California, says his uncertainty about wanting kids at all is keeping him from popping the question. "I don't know if I want to have children, and I don't want to make a life-long commitment until I know where I stand," he says.

He's Not Done Sowing His Wild Oats

You might be The One, but some guys have a hard time letting go of the possibility of being with other women. "The most common thing I hear around marriage from men is, 'If I get married, this will be the last woman I ever sleep with,'" says Daily.

He's Afraid He'll Have to Give Up His Dreams

"The thing that stands out for me is the fear of settling down and forgoing my dreams," says Eric, 27, of Ann Arbor, Michigan. "I saw my guy friends get married, immediately buy a house, have kids and eventually let go of their dreams. I feel that I still want to pursue my career goals, have adventures and be able to make last-minute decisions without informing someone. I'll propose when I get that out of my system … or meet a girl willing to work with me on that."

He Can't Afford the Ring

"My girlfriend wants at least a one-carat ring. I'm starting to find out that my new career paths are not likely to make me a great deal of money, and that aggravates my worries that she will not want to stick around for life," says Frank*, 32, of Los Angeles.
*Name has been changed

He's Afraid Marriage Will Change You

"A lot of guys hear that a woman will change once she gets married and that the happiness and mystery you enjoyed in the marriage goes away when the honeymoon is over," says Steve, 33, of Charlotte, North Carolina. "When you think about that and combine it with the idea that you no longer have an easy out if it goes sour, it can be a deterrent."

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: The 12 Relationship Red Flags

Hey peeps

This is something we should all take note of - these always help in life, and as writers of romance, we need this insight to present that Mr. Maybe as Mr. Wrong right away in the reader's mind (of course, we need to torture the heroine a bit first. What's the joy of writing otherwise? *grin*)

The article is from Cosmopolitan Australia, and if you click the link, you'll see the original slideshow with all its quirky images.

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The 12 relationship red flags

It’s easy to be blind-sighted when you’re in a new relationship, and we’ve all been guilty of sugar-coating deal breakers as “quirks” or “traits”. Here’s a list of the top 12 relationship red flags that you need to look out for.

 

1. Chronic lateness. Two times, it’s a red flag. Any more than three times, and it’s a deal breaker. Cars break down, appointments run late, and no doubt your date has a fantastic excuse for his lateness. But if he’s more than ten minutes late each time, it’s a pattern. And that pattern says “I don’t respect you enough to turn up on time”. If you’re left hanging yet again after the third time, don’t wait for his arrival. Leave.

 

2. You’re always the designated driver. There’s nothing wrong with a glass of wine with dinner. But if you’re forever playing taxi while he’s playing King of Beers, something isn’t right. It’s not hard to share the responsibility here, and if he’s relying on you to drive everywhere he’s not exactly a gentleman.

 

3. Rudeness. There’s nothing attractive about a man who talks down to people. This includes rudeness to waiters, taxi drivers, or anyone else who is just doing their job. Do you really want to play the role of the apologetic girlfriend? It’s boring, and people (including yourself) begin to wonder what the hell you’re doing with him. Move on, sister.

 

4. Crazy ex stories. While its generally not good manners to bring up ex stories, listen carefully if he does. Is his ex the “villain” in all of these stories? This is a good indicator of his maturity and what you can expect. Also, listen out for the phantom ex – the one that keeps mysteriously turning up in conversations. Major red flag!

 

5. Protective vs. obsessive. Note: there is a major difference between protective and obsessive. Protective is putting an arm around your waist at the bar. Obsessive is making you wear a fake engagement ring on a girl’s night out. Guess which one raises the red flag?

 

6. Money matters. The general rule is this. If he asks you out on a date, he should pay, and there should be no request from him to split the bill on the first date. This doubles as a red flag and a cheapskate alert. Having said that, if the first date turns in to multiple dates, make sure you offer to foot the bill sometimes – and if he declines at least offer to pay your half. A good rule of thumb is the more dates there are, the more the costs and planning should be shared by both parties. But just remember that chivalry never goes out of style.

 

7. Bad sex. Granted, it’s only one part of a relationship, but let’s face it – it’s a very important part. Part of the fun of a new relationship is learning what the other person likes and exploring new things, but if the sex doesn’t get any better after the first, fumbling time - or the times after that - you can be sure that there will be unhappy endings in every sense of the word.

 

8. Parents. Everyone has baggage of some form, but keep an eye on his relationship with his parents. Very strong emotions (they can be positive or negative) about one’s parents can sometimes mean relationship death. Everybody Loves Raymond, anyone? If things have progressed you can always try and work on it if it becomes an issue, but if you’re just starting out and its already annoying you? Raise your red flag and get outta there.

 

9. Bad breath. Okay, we don’t need to spell this one out. It’s a date, you’re probably going to kiss, and it’s just not that difficult to pick up some gum before said date. This is more of a hygiene issue than a deal-breaker, but it gives a good indication of how he takes care of himself!

 

10. He puts himself down. Everyone does this at some stage, but if you find he constantly puts himself down on your date, you might want to re-think your new potential partner. It’s a date, not a counseling session.

 

11. He’s constantly distracted. If he’s constantly checking his phone, texting, tweeting, or taking phone calls while meeting you for the first time, it demonstrates that he either has no boundaries, cannot disconnect, or more importantly he simply doesn’t care about connecting with you – which is a deal-breaker. Leave him and his Blackberry to it.

 

12. He flirts with other girls. If he’s genuinely flirting with other girls, that sour feeling in the pit of your stomach isn't going to go away easily and it's going to cast a pall over the entire relationship. If you bring it up with him and it continues, that’s a definite deal-breaker. If you let it slide you’re only cultivating bad behaviour.

 

*****

 

From Mauritius with love,

 

Zee

Link Thursday: 20 Girl Things I Never Knew In My 20s

Hey beautiful people

I've been MIA for the past few days - had a sick kid on hand. Touching wood that it's the first time this winter that my son came down sick, and hopefully we're out of the woods as winter seems to be leaving. It's sunnier and warmer this week. Anyway, the mums who read this post will know - there's nothing as harrying as a sick kid on hand. And when it also happens that your husband is uber-cool usually but flies into a raving panic the minute his kids get sick, let me just tell you that I haven't had the easiest of weeks. I had to look after my son on one hand, and calm my husband down on the other. Needless to say, I was wiped and didn't get much done. Priority was my WIP deadline, and that's what I focused what was left of my energy on.

Okay, so I'm back on board now, and it's Thursday - so here's the link and article for today's Link Thursday post.

Very wise words from the author, Carla Smith who writes for Divine Caroline, over at Betty Confidential.com. You can click here and find this article online.

I couldn't believe how true those words were! I'm still in my 20s, and I'm so glad someone has let me in on the secret from the other side of that female milestone called Menopause. And without wanting to scare the childless ones of you out there, but what is said about childbirth is soooo true!

Read on - you won't be disappointed either.

*****

20 Girl Things I Never Knew In My 20s

Why couldn't I have learned these valuable lessons sooner?

By Carla Smith, Divine Caroline

1. That someday your prince will come but that is so not the end of the story. Happily ever after does exist but is another quest with different courage requirements.

2. That your intuition and instincts need to be nurtured and can be trusted. They are a millenia of wisdom gifted in genetics created just for you. Trust your gut and ask lots of questions.

3. That childbirth is not the intimate place you dream of. It’s you at your animal best/worst. Consider reinstating The Red Tent. Really.

4. Childbirth changes things. Especially sex. Not permanently, maybe, but they will change for enough reasons that warrant an entire post of its own.

5. That the physical pain of child birth will rip you apart and feel like a Mack truck ploughing through your vagina, crushing your pelvic bones.

6. That the physical pain of childbirth will be more than matched in intensity by the ferocious love and mother bear protection borne that day and will surprise even you. That raising children will be the most difficult thing you will ever do and one thing you will never regret. One great adventure.

7. That having periods kind of sucks - forever.

8. That not having periods sucks more. There’s just something about fertility.

9. That taking a pill that messes with your hormones is constantly more than a little concerning.

10. That not taking that pill is way more concerning.

11. That first time sex is mostly awkward, anti-climactical (literally) and unforgettable.

12. That uninhibited love making is an addictive, fun elixir; maybe the Holy Grail.

13. That you will forfeit many relationships in the ‘learn by mistakes’ School of Communications skill acquisition; that redemption is one of life’s greatest gifts and forgiving yourself the hardest apology to elicit. Do it and move on. Too many gifts are denied to the world in self flagellation.

14. That one day you will secretly delight in the opposite gender glances you still receive. Then you will realize that they are not intended for you but are directed at your teen-age daughters—even by men your own age. Especially by men your own age.

15. That model-like thinness is not something most men desire. They like boobs, butts and curves. Why? Because they don’t have them. Huge thank-you to the guy who taught me that.

16. That menopause will feel like betrayal of your body. All those years of eating well and exercising matter little to power hungry hormones.

17. That guys will always crane their necks to look at the youthful curves walking on by. Institute the Three Second Rule and be thankful your guy is appreciative.

18. That you will lose yourself being a stay-at-home mother. It’s necessary. And that finding yourself again someday will be tougher than you think. But your ‘money’ will be in the bank.

19. That you may lose much more trying to juggle it all. That you may still have to find yourself again someday. But it may be easier. I don’t know. Not my path. Sorry.

20. That a smile IS your best accessory, that honesty IS the best policy, that what goes around DOES come around and that you will NEVER stop growing or changing and most of all when you least expect it.

Life is long but not long enough. Do unto others, stay curious and always tip the mailman.

*****

From mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: Dating Tricks For Every Age

Hey peeps

Still down in my kid-induced lobotomised state. Today he's not talking that much - at least to me! - but his big brother is home and they've got the Playstation out. So the noise is not only deafening, but mind-numbing as well. Plus they keep egging each other on, and I have to break fights...

Soooo... not in the mood for anything other than a pint of Haagen-Dasz dunked down in front of some reruns of Gossip Girl or some other perfect chick flick. Or better yet, a chick lit book (if I can get my brain to cooperate!).

In the spirit then of my current doldrums and the need for anything chick-whatever, I found this link to showcase today. Most of us are not dating, granted, since we're already married/settled. But there still is a big, wide world of dating out there and you do wanna keep pace with it.

And don't forget, your contemporary heroine will thank you for this! Keep her real - and what better way than knowing what's going on out there? Now though, heroine doesn't mean she's in her 20s. :)

So here's the article. It's actually a gallery from Glo, and you can click to view it online. Enjoy!

*****

Dating Tricks For Every Age

Through The Years
Navigating the dating scene can be a fun yet somewhat harrowing experience at any age. We asked Glo columnist Annabelle Gurwitch, co-author of You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up: A Love Story (which she wrote with her husband of 15 years) to draw upon her dating experience (both personal and observed) and share her advice for people in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond.

In Your 20s
During my 20s, I dated most of, if not all, the eligible men of Manhattan. And some, not so eligible. Don’t do anything in your 20s that you will still have to think about in your 30s. Follow my logic: If 40 is the new 30, then naturally, 20 is the new 10. So have fun, play nice and expect some bruises and tears.
Date Globally
Michael Caine famously noted that there was a time in his career when he chose films solely by their location (hence the classic clunker, Blame It on Rio). A great way to see the world is to date people in different countries. Skype has done away with those pesky telephone bills, and your 20s are a perfect time to travel — before you reach an age when you want to have your own pillow at all times.
Be Prepared
When shacking up, don’t forget your toothbrush and dental floss. The embarrassment of packing a toothbrush in your purse—even if you don’t end up needing it—pales in comparison to the pain of a root canal down the road.
Click With Caution
Here’s a lesson from my teenage son who just had an eight-hour “relationship.” Once he was single again (according to his Facebook relationship status), all his “friends” knew it. Facebook is tantamount to taking out a newspaper ad, so think twice before spilling the details of your dating life online.

In Your 30s
At this stage, it may feel like you have less time to squander on dating because you have so much you want to accomplish. But this is also when that first notion of “for the long haul" may enter your mind. So although you’re busy, make time to take a look around and survey the field.
See The Red Flags
Anyone you are considering dating at this point has developed something of a personality, even if they are still becoming the person they were meant to be. I used to always date loners, because they seemed “cool and reserved.” But these are often warning signs for “aloof and indifferent.” Just saying.
Be Wary Of "Projects"
So he does this thing where he picks his teeth with the side of a credit card? I can live with that. So his apartment is decorated in early dorm room? I can fix it up. So he breaks dates at the last minute? Uh-oh. Men are not fixer-uppers or “houses with good bones.” Take a good hard look before you leap!
Listen Up
Meet his friends. You can learn a lot more from them than your date might divulge: “You’re the first woman he’s dated that we’ve ever met, and we’ve been friends for 20 years!“ Has he ever had a relationship? Hmmm… this might be a red flag.

In Your 40s
Congratulations! You know who you are and what you like. Or, if you don’t know exactly who you are yet, at least you know who you aren’t and what you don’t like. You’re ready to act quickly, because you trust your instincts right? And, because you can keep your busy with other things that matter to you. Remind yourself of that on a daily basis.
Think Fast
It may seem crazy that in such a short time—say, over a quick cup of coffee—you know whether or not you want to see someone again, but consider this: In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell posited that snap decisions are often as good as, if not better than, carefully planned and considered ones.
Widen The Pool
Go back to dating tip number one from your 20s and broaden your search. If you live in a small community, then you may have already dated or been married to anyone you find attractive. Visiting family across the country? Traveling a lot for work? Get dressed up for the plane ride. You never know.
Get The Facts
If you’re dating online, just know that, on average, men add three to four inches to their height and subtract four to five years from their age on dating profiles. Worth bearing in mind.

In Your 50s
Look to fall in like, not necessarily in love. Keep an open mind about what kind of relationship you're seeking at this point in life. Love may supply us with a multitude of fever-pitch experiences and is a terrific prospect at any age, but a little low-intensity "like" can be fun, too.
Go Digital
If you decide to look for love (or like) online, then you'll inevitably find yourself writing a dating profile. This can be tricky. Your dog may be the cutest thing ever in an Easter bonnet, but posting this photo isn't always the best idea. (A man sees it and imagines you want to do the same thing to him.) Ask a close, objective pal for input.
Tell It Like It Is
Write about yourself carefully and accurately. The phrase “looking for some adventure” may get you an immediate response, but perhaps not the one you intended. If you really love adventures such as mountain climbing, spell it out—or be careful what you wish for.

******

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: How Not To Marry The Wrong Guy

Good grief - where was this article when I first got hitched? Or better yet, when I was considering getting hitched? I jumped the gun at 17 (I know, verrrrryyyy young!) and settled with a Totally Mr. Wrong. I had no clue that his potential of Not-Mr-Right was blinking away as conspicuously as the neons on Piccadilly Circus, but what can you do? Onwards and upwards. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and other such cliches, that are, well, cliche, but so true!).

I'm particularly drawn to the first 'rule' - Don't just dismiss his past. Like the naive, green romantic I was back then (and for God's sake, I was 17!), I thought I'd be the one who'd change him, make him settle. And would you believe, like the article says, that lasted only 18 months before we started falling apart at what I then realised was botched-up seams? Too late though, at least for me...

So I learned by experience - but that doesn't mean you also have to! Neither does your heroine if you're writing one. And this article is a great primer for finding out how and why a couple should mesh - great tips for conflict and characterization in your book.

The article is from MSN Love & Relationships, and is written by Celeste Perron. You can find it online here.

Read on and open your eyes, ladies!

*****

How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy

You've met a great man — wahoo! — and it's serious enough to imagine getting hitched. But is it possible to know if it'll last forever and (almost) always make you happy? Experts reveal six key factors you should consider.

By Celeste Perron

Lately, it seems like you can't open your Web browser without seeing some headline about a famous married couple calling it quits. And while it's no surprise when Charlie Sheen's latest union implodes, you'd think that super-together stars like Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet would be able to pick winners. How is it that a woman can pledge eternal love in front of all her family and friends and then discover that she's mistaken about the man?

In a recent Cosmo survey, nearly two-thirds of readers reported being worried about making a bad choice and winding up divorced. But experts say you can protect yourself from that fate if you evaluate your relationship pre-engagement according to a few important elements. "There absolutely are ways to judge if a man is marriage-worthy and reduce the chances you'll pick the wrong partner," says marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a sociology professor at the University of Michigan. "Considering these points will help you understand whether you and he have similar underlying values and whether you'd be getting married for the right reasons." Here are six things you should do to help determine whether your boyfriend is the love of your life or possibly your future ex-husband.

Don't Just Dismiss His Past
Is there a chapter of your boyfriend's history that bothers you because it so doesn't sound like the guy you know? Then you need to decide if your relationship could survive a repeat, because odds are good that old habits will return.

"The best predictor of his future behavior is his past behavior," says Orbuch. If his relationship history is a sordid tale of flings and bitter exes, it's tempting to think that you're the one woman fabulous enough to reform him.

"But when a man acts poorly in multiple unions, it's usually for deep-seated reasons that are going to persist," says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., a psychologist in Wexford, Pennsylvania. "He might be able to treat you well during the 'passionate love' stage, which usually lasts about 18 months, but after that, he'll likely start slipping into his old ways."

That said, people can change -- many of today's family guys wearing Baby Bjorns at the farmers market were serious players at 22. But here's where it gets tricky: You need to figure out if the sleazeball chapter of his past was specific to that stage of his life or if the traits he exhibited then are hardwired into his personality and just buried for now. "To find out, ask him what behaviors he considers to be a violation of trust, and tell him what your expectations are," says Orbuch.

If he's done things in the past that don't meet your standards for marriage, grab the bull by the horns and bring it up. Ask him to explain why he did what he did. If the reasons he gives are related to specific situations that no longer apply (say, he used to party too much because he lived with a bunch of his frat brothers after college), that's a strong sign that it was just a temporary thing. But if the triggers for his past bad actions could easily be present again once you're married -- he used to party too much because he was stressed -- it might mean that those habits are part of who he will always be.

Own Up to What You Need
So you love that your guy is a foodie or a stylish dresser. That's all great, as long as you're not so dazzled by those qualities that you overlook the fact that he's lacking more important ones.

"I tell my clients to draw a big circle with a smaller one inside it and then fill the inner circle with four or five qualities they absolutely need a husband to have, like sharing their views of religion, family or money," says Lombardo. "Then they fill the larger circle with nice-to-haves. You should look for a partner who has all the inner-circle qualities and a few of the outer ones, not the other way around."

As you look over his qualities, consider whether they have downsides and if you can handle them. For instance, you might love that he has a hot career as a consultant, but if his job requires lots of travel, will his success compensate for his absence from your life? If you have a huge group of friends, it might not be an issue, but if you're a homebody who prefers to end each day snuggled on the couch with your honey, you won't be happy with a marriage in which he is always traveling.

Take Off Your Future-Goggles and See Him as Is
Say he's an MBA student with big plans to become a CEO. Will you feel just as lucky to have him if student-loan bills are the only concrete result of that degree? "Remember that you're marrying the guy he is now, not the man he might be one day," says couples therapist Jennifer Gauvain, coauthor of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy. "It's great to be attracted to his passion, because that will stay consistent, but don't get attached to a certain potential career or financial outcome."

You need to be okay with the possibility that the rest of the world won't be as convinced of his talents as you are. "This is key because frustration with the difference between what you expected and the reality you got is one of the leading sources of marriage unhappiness over time," says Orbuch.

And if money worries are driving your quest for a ring, slam on the breaks. According to Gauvain, the desire for financial security is one of the main reasons women get hitched to the wrong guy. "Many women have told me that they were attracted to marriage because they felt like they were floundering and thought a joint income would help," she says. Adds Lombardo, "But there are plenty of wealthy couples who aren't happy."

Beware His Family Dynamics
Depending on how close he is to his family, it's not just him you're marrying. And while you might be able to ignore them now, his family will play a big role in your life once you're hitched. Remember that these people will be not be just at your wedding but also at roughly half your future holidays, at the hospital when your children are born and quite possibly on your sofa for extended visits.

"You don't need to love each other's families, but you need to be on the same page about how much you'll include them in your lives," says Gauvain. "Take a hard look at his family traditions and how often he and his family see each other and communicate." If your family gathers for dinner every Sunday night but his has only a spotty record of celebrating Thanksgiving, your very different ideas of what family means will probably cause some problems.

This doesn't mean you have to rule him out, but you do need to talk about it and find a compromise. "Lay out expectations ahead of time so you understand what you're getting into," says Orbuch. If he has his family on a pedestal when the only raised platform they belong on is Dr. Phil's stage, that could be a problem. "It's okay if you don't see eye-to-eye with them all the time, but he can't put his family first or always side with them in disagreements," says Gauvain. "You should put each other first."

If There's No Spark, Forget It
With all this talk of shared values, don't forget this primal truth: There needs to be a sizzle. "In such uncertain economic times, it's easy for women to tell themselves that stability is more important than attraction, but you need chemistry for a relationship to work," says Gauvain.

Of course, if you've been together for years, you're not necessarily pinning each other down the minute you get in the door. But the urge to rip off each other's clothes should still strike on occasion. "Being successfully married means being more than best friends," says Lombardo. "Great sex won't make problems go away, but it can really cushion your relationship during the inevitable tough times."

Tear Up Your Bridal Timeline
"If you nudge her, a woman will often admit that there's a magic age she thinks she should be married by," says Gauvain. Whether your number is based on beating your biological clock or more random factors, like how old your sister was when she got hitched, it can hold power over you and put you at a high risk of marrying the wrong guy as that birthday draws close.

"When women feel they're falling behind on their bridal timeline, they are more likely to settle for Mr. Almost Right," says Gauvain. "They're scared of having wasted precious time, so they stick with guys they normally wouldn't." To make sure that such fears aren't driving your decision, ask yourself if you would still be with him if you were younger. If your answer isn't a strong "Absolutely!" then recognize your urge to put a ring on it for what it is: fear of falling behind on your timeline and being alone.

If a desire to have kids is freaking you out, know that the traditional marriage sequence has gone the way of the VCR. Now, few people bat an eye if you get knocked up by a BF or have a baby solo. "Women should trust that kids will happen for them one way or another, and marrying the wrong guy isn't the best way to get there," says Gauvain.

Are Your "Cold Feet" Normal or Not?
How do you tell if your jitters are just a fleeting thing or your intuition trying to tell you you're making a mistake? Pay attention to when your anxiety strikes -- is it during wedding talk or when you're talking about him? "When you're about to be married, talking about your fiancé should fill you with calm and happiness," says Lombardo. "It's natural to be nervous about the wedding but not about the groom."

And another thing: "You should not be asking yourself or your friends 'How do I know if he's The One?'" she adds. "If after giving it thought you're still not sure your guy is The One, he probably isn't."

A Cool Sign
A recent study found that couples who laugh and smile when they retell how they met are statistically way less likely to end up divorced.

SOURCE: University of Washington Study

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 7 Tips to Help You "Click" with a First Date

Ah... First dates! It's been ages since I've been on one, yet every time I write a new story, I am taking steps in my characters' shoes and - you guessed it! - going on first dates with Mr. Okay, Mr. Right Now, Mr. Terrible, Mr. No-No... all in the hopes of finding that elusive Mr. Right.

Tell me that's not the case for you too, romance writers out there, and I'll tell you that you're lying! At some point or another, especially when penning contemporaries, we'll need to take our heroine - and hero - on a first date.

Yikes - land of all dangers, of all pitfalls... of love at first date too maybe... We all know we want a first date to go without hitch, especially in real life. In books, I'll admit a disastrous first date can make for further conflict and steer your plot/story.

So how do we navigate the treacherous waters of the first date?

Look no further - this article has some very good pointers! I grabbed it off MSN Lifestyle Love & Relationships a few months ago, back in November 2010.

The article is by Maura Kelly.

*****

Seven Tips to Help You "Click" with a First Date

Instant connections are wonderful, but they're also rare. With a little bit of expert advice, however, you can help forge connections more easily.

By Maura Kelly

[Editor's note: Maura Kelly writesThe Year of Living Flirtatiouslyblog for MarieClaire.com. This is an excerpt from that blog.]

Most of us have had the wonderful experience of "just clicking" with someone — feeling like we could talk to him for the rest of eternity, or like we must've known each other during past lives. Usually, it just happens naturally, in a way that seems almost magical.

But, as bestselling authors (and brothers) Rom and Ori Brafman explain in their popular book, Click: The Magic of Instant Connections, it's not magic. Certain behaviors and factors can help predict whether or not we'll hit it off with any given person. The Brafmans have studied the things we do that help us connect with each other — and I talked to Rom about things you can do to help you click on a first date.

In your book, you say it's good to show some vulnerability if you are hoping to connect or click with someone you've just met. My reaction to that was: "Vulnerable? Really? Isn't that a turnoff for most people?"

We usually associate vulnerability with a negative quality, namely weakness — but what we are talking about is being open, and disclosing some personal information. We're not talking about revealing your deepest secrets or letting someone in on all your sorrows — but sharing a personal anecdote with someone or letting him or her know what you're thinking helps to create intimacy. And the more you reveal about yourself, the more someone else is likely to reciprocate — and feel a connection with you.

Can you give me a few specific examples of "vulnerable" things people can do to increase the sense of connection and intimacy on a date?

1. Tell a little story from your childhood.
For example, let's say that on a first date your conversation naturally turns to pizza, and you decide to share that when you were in second grade your teacher would set up these pizza parties and that's what kept you interested in school — that every day you were looking forward to these pizza parties. It's not a profound story. There's no great lesson. But you're taking off the persona that we so often have on when we're dating. You're sending the message that you trust the other person, and feel engaged enough to open up. Telling a childhood story is almost never going to backfire.

2. Let your date know you're enjoying yourself.
Try "I'm really enjoying our conversation" or "I'm really glad we're here." That sets the tone and will also clue a guy in to the fact that you're engaged, so he doesn't have to feel preoccupied with that question — which allows him to focus more on being himself.

But be careful to talk about how you're feeling, rather than giving the guy a direct compliment — which could make him feel on the spot. So saying, "I like the way our night is going" is better than saying, "I really like you."

3. Don't say anything negative, like "I'm feeling bored right now."
That's not being vulnerable — it's being inappropriately blunt!

4. Ask questions that will draw out your date and make him feel a little more vulnerable — in a good way — as well.
Say things like, "Whom in your family do you get along with best?" Or, "What was high school like for you?" If he can't answer these questions, don't immediately give up — maybe he's just nervous. Encourage him. Or be a little more specific, like: "Do you get along with your siblings?" Or "Who were you closest with in high school?"

5. If you have any sudden ideas about fun things you can do on the date, throw them out there.
For instance, maybe you feel like sharing an ice cream with your date; suggest you go for a cone. Try to act the way you would with a friend. Be spontaneous and try out new things.

6. Show up with enthusiasm and energy.
Develop a curiosity about the other person, and ask questions that you find interesting — not just the usual boring get-to-know-you questions like "What do you do?"

7. Don't be afraid to disagree.
That shows you're confident. If you feel completely the other way about an issue, say so. And if things get a little heated, turn down the temperature by saying, "Wow, we're not even halfway through our first date and we're having a serious debate. I'm glad we can be honest."

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: The Dos and Don'ts of Being Single

Am I advocating singledom? Tough question... You know those days when you wish you were single, just because then no one would care if you're still in your PJs at 3pm, had cake for lunch and plan to nuke a frozen pizza for dinner all while guzzling a whole bottle of Mountain Dew while you TV-zapped through all the daytime soaps sitting cross-legged on the sofa with a pile of half-open, trashiest romance books you can find all around you... Let's just say I want one of those days...

But then too it's been so long since I've been single (doing a Susan Meyers of Desperate Housewives skit here, thinking 'when was the last time I was single... Uh, ever...?'). I'd be totally out of my depths in today's world - case in point, look at the scenario above.

And unless I want every single heroine I write next to be a Bridget Jones- wannabe, I seriously need to up my game.

That's where the article of today comes into play! You can find it, with all its good pics, here on, as expected, my article bible, MSN Lifestyle Love & Relationships section. The piece is written by Laura Hagans Smith, and pulls knowledge and advice from a wide array of women out there.

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The Dos and Don'ts of Being Single

We asked experts and women who've seen it all for their advice on being single and loving it.

by Laura Hagans Smith

Practice Your Dating Skills

"None of us is born knowing how to be in a relationship. Malcolm Gladwell, in his best-selling book Outliers, argues that virtually every skill can be mastered, if it's practiced for 10 years. He writes: 'The tennis prodigy who starts playing at six is playing in Wimbledon at 16 or 17. The classical musician who starts playing the violin at four is debuting at Carnegie Hall at 15 or so.' View being single as practice for being in a relationship. Don't expect to have the skills to be in a relationship right away."

—Juliette Tang, community manager for zoosk.com

Be Prepared to NOT Be Single for an Evening

"Do carry a toothbrush, toothpaste and condoms in your purse. You never know what the night has to offer!"
—Krishana Clark, 24, Tampa, Fla.

Learn from the Mistakes (and Successes) of Others

"Do be interested. Listen to others and you'll be amazed by what you learn (about dating)."

—Debra Goldstein, coauthor of Flirtexting

Put Yourself Out There

"Don't feel silly striking up a conversation with a stranger. The only way to meet people is to talk to them — so say hello! Whether it's a friend's older brother, the waiter at your local restaurant or even a cute guy in the park, people are generally more receptive than you think to a friendly greeting. To start the conversation, ask him a question."

—Sarah Harrison, editor at yourtango.com

Dress Like You're Not Single (Especially Lingerie-Wise)

"Do wear sexy underwear. Who cares if you're the only one who sees it? The sex appeal it gives you will ooze through, and you'll feel super sexy and kind of powerful, too. Same goes for cute nightgowns to bed."

—Erin Scottberg, editor at lemondrop.com

Dating Someone Won't Change Your Entire Life

"Don't look for someone to complete you … you're the only one who can do that."

—Olivia Baniuszewicz, Flirtexting

Stake Out a Good Spot for Dude-Spotting

"Do be a regular—at a bar or restaurant, coffee shop, etc. It's a great way to meet new people."

—Klancy Miller, 36, New York City

Enjoy Your Life Just as It Is, Right Now

"Do spend time dating yourself. Take yourself to dinner, spend the day enjoying your own company, pop into a museum alone and sit down and have a glass of wine by yourself. Too many women are afraid they'll look pathetic, but in reality a woman who does what she wants to do when she wants to do it looks confident (read totally sexy) to the opposite sex."

—Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar

Be Open to Taking a Friendship to the Next Level

"Don't rule out dating close friends — especially those who might have let it slip that they're attracted to you. There's always the looming dread of jeopardizing your friendship, but I've learned that these are often the most successful, since there is no cheap pretense of seduction — you can feel secure knowing that he likes you for who you really are."

—Alexandra Rodriguez, 20, Potomac, Md.

You Never Know What Romance May Be in Store for You

"Do remember that your life's plan is not written in stone. It's written on paper that can be ripped up. Be open to new people and events that weren't in the plan."

—Larry Wilson, founder and CEO of oppositesconnect.com

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 31 Things I Wish I'd Known About Dating When I Was 21

Hey ladies

This one that follows is a primer - follow it. Follow it religiously, especially if you're still single. Taken? No problem - catch insight into that strange creature called 'man'.

Seriously, every woman should hear and heed these words. Be she living-breathing or fictional, the advice Erin Meanley dishes here is priceless.

I accessed this article about a year ago (April 2010) on the MSN Lifestyle Love & Relationships page.

Read on for some of the best stuff another woman can tell you! I've bold-ened the ones I think are extra-important! :)

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"31 things I wish I'd known about dating when I was 21"

At 31, dating blogger Erin Meanley looks back and shares 31 dating truths she wishes she had known ten years earlier when she was 21.

By Erin Meanley

[Editor's note: Erin Meanley is the female half of the Glamour.com dating blog, Single-ish. This is an excerpt from that blog.]

I never realized how many opinions I have about dating. I've been dating so long I'm like an octogenarian who feels overly strong about what strawberries should cost or how children should act in public. Anyway, here are some things I've learned in my 31 years, and what I wish I'd known about dating ten years ago:

1. If you're confused about whether a guy likes you or not, that's probably not good. Confusion in romance belongs only in romantic comedies because it suspends the plot, but suspense in real life sucks. So try not to analyze the events. The truth will reveal itself without you having to do anything.

2. Sometimes guys flirt with you or pay attention to you because it makes them feel good about themselves. (Hey, we do it, too.)

3. Even a guy who will admit that you're better looking than him should still be able to tell you you're beautiful. If he holds back in order to control the situation, or to keep you, or keep you down, he's got issues.

4. Don't help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I'm glad you're more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn't want the help.

5. Guys want to get busy more than anything. They'll say anything to close the deal.

6. It's shocking how much guys will talk about marriage. Until there's a ring on your finger, it will be better for you if you pretend you're deaf.

7. It's better not to lift a finger in the beginning.

8. In the early stages, giving him presents is too much. Generosity looks desperate to guys. You may be a great shopper and gift-wrapper; it may be his birthday and you may be wild about birthdays — even still, he'll think you're just wild about him. Too wild.

9. Guys just do not think like girls. I wish I'd had a brother. Real boys are nothing like the boys in movies. [Note from Zee: even having a brother does not unlock the secrets to the male mind - speaking from experience here!]

10. They might take a decade to mature. Don't hope they'll grow up or be ready in the next six months.

11. Even if your family thinks there's going to be a marriage, don't let them spoil your guy. Yes, he's grateful you gave him your car when he moved out of NYC, but he would rather have had to work for it.

12. Learn to cook. Learn to cook well. I see now that it would have won me a lot of points. A LOT.

13. Just because he might be smarter than you or more talented at certain things doesn't mean he's your servant and won't mind doing all your homework/research/chores.

14. Guys get resentful, too.

15. You're special, unique, and important, but you're not a princess — no matter what Daddy says (although for the record, my dad calls me "Erin").

16. It's okay to say no. It's more than okay. It's always okay. If he stops calling (and many, many, many will), you're only weeding out the guys who aren't truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!

17. Playing it safe guarantees you'll have more time and energy to think about your grades or your work. Less drama in your life will always be better and healthier for you.

18. You deserve to be treated like a human being.

19. Your wants and needs are just as important as his, and if you don't express them because you think it will scare him away, then you're saying you don't count as much as he does.

20. Even sophisticated people with professional jobs can have tempers or hit you or use foul language. I've known men who dressed like diplomats but they were ugly human beings.

21. You can't force chemistry. If you like him as a friend, the attraction might grow, but if it doesn't, don't force it. And don't waste his time.

22. Ease up on the sauce. Alcohol clouds your judgment.

23. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. booty text.

24. When a guy has taken you to Applebee's five times and you say you want to treat him, he'll be psyched. But secretly he'll freak out if you take him to Ruth's Chris, even just the one teeny time. Don't try to match him one Ruth's Chris for five Applebee's. Take him out, but go to T.G.I. Friday's.

25. Women love attention. A guy needs to be pretty crazy about you in order for him to pay enough attention to make you happy long-term.

26. My mom always said, "Men don't think." I thought she meant, "They are mistaken in their thoughts." But they're just not thinking anything at all. About you. They're watching the game. That's why they haven't called.

27. There should be a medium ground between workaholism and his absolute devotion. "The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady, yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet" (Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 658).

28. Never underestimate the quality of "interesting." Men want someone interesting. They really do. Find some hobbies.

29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is "him," that's a bad deal for you. "The woman gives herself, the man adds to himself by taking her" (de Beauvoir 659).

30. Expectations? They'll ruin every dating experience you have.

31. You will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself.

*****

From Mauritius with love,

Zee

Link Thursday: 8 Things Guys Notice About You Instantly

Darn, darn, darn! Back in the days when I was dating/actively looking for a man, the Internet was pretty much in its infancy stage. I must've set a few dates via email, but that's as far a role as the Internet played in my dating life. Now I wish those times had been different - I would've been more Internet-browsing-savvy, and lots, lots more dating resources would've been available online. Like it is now.

Check out this article - who wouldn't love to know what a guy thinks/judges you on the minute he sees you? Would've helped with all those hair-frying-blowdries or the paint-primer-like makeup application, because... guys don't notice these! Hello?? Was that a wakeup call or what?

So for all of you still in the dating pool out there, check out those tips. Believe me, they do come in handy!

For all of you writers out there - whether your hero is a modern tycoon or a historical rake - chances are, these following pointers are what's lighting up in his brain when he sees 'the girl'.

The article is from my Links bible, MSN Lifestyle Love & Relationship section. I accessed it back in August 2010, and is written by Bethany Heitman.

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8 Things Guys Notice About You Instantly

The second a man sees you, he starts ticking off a checklist to determine if he'll ask you out. Shocker: A nice rear end is nowhere on that list. See what actually is.

By Bethany Heitman

You know that look where his eyes slide past you ... then turn back? Wouldn't it be great to know what stopped him? You totally can. "There are a few things men instantly observe when they meet a woman," says Jackie Black, Ph.D., author of Meeting Your Match. Learn what they are and you can maximize your, um, assets. Then you'll have your pick.

1. How Thick Your Hair Is
This is all about evolution. Since caveman days, dudes have been drawn to lush locks, which signal that a woman is healthy (translation: shaggable).

2. If Your Smile Is Genuine
Sometimes your eyes crinkle a bit when you grin. Most men are good at distinguishing the vibe of this kind of smile, which says you're relaxed and fun.

3. The Size of Your Group
You don't want a big bunch (it'll be hard for him to approach) or just one friend (he'll figure you wouldn't desert her to talk to him). The perfect crew size? Three. Your two buds can keep each other company when you slip away.

4. The Pitch of Your Voice
Studies show that men are drawn to voices in a slightly higher register (think Kristin Bell's), probably because — yep, evolution — they're reliable signs of youth and reproductive health.

5. Your Hip-to-Waist Ratio
Yet again, blame eons of human history. Men instinctually look for baby mamas. If your waist is noticeably smaller than your hips, it signifies fertility — a huge point in your favor. A wide belt will emphasize that hourglass shape.

6. Your Glowiness
Guys associate a radiant complexion with good mental health. That's because stress and anxiety usually cause breakouts and dull skin. So those lotions and bronzers you sweep over your cheeks? Totally worth it.

7. What's Fake About You
Not personality-fake, but artificial-accoutrement-fake: lashes, hair extensions, etc. To guys, these things shout high-maintenance! Not good.

8. Your Eyes
People focus on eyes more than they do on any other body part. And dramatic eye makeup will have him zeroing in on your peepers even more.

*****

Great tips for that first time your hero catches sight of your heroine, innit? Yeah, I thought as much too. :)

From Mauritius with love,

Zee